Feeling a little

stressed?

 

 

Life getting on your nerves?

 

Can't stand the pressure?

 

Here's a new relaxation technique that might help ...

Now ... sit comfortably ...
 
 

Close your eyes halfway to dim the light.

Take a deeeeep breath ...
 

Are you concentrating?
 

 

Clench and unclench your fists.
 
Feel the tension moving to your hands?
 

 

Now slowly ...
 
pull your arms back as far as you can ...
 

 
Now ...
 

Whack the person next to you really hard!

       
 
Doesn't that feel better?!?
 

 
                       
HAVE A NICE DAY!
                       

My thanks to the very clever, creative person who put the above together. It arrived without credit included :( This version is about as close to a direct rip-off as anything can be, will be happy to credit author if notified. Just too good not to share ... had to make the page for servers that don't show e-mail graphics.

That's the original story and I'm stickin' to it. However, as usual, once I do one of these specialty gigs, extra little bits tend to work themselves in. All I can say is keep scrollin' on down.

If you happen to be reading this alone ... hold that whack thought ... kinda makes ya look forward to standing in line at the grocery story doesn't it?

While you're there, pick up lots of chocolate!

Check out chocolate facts and funnies: http://www.therealmartha.com/WARWhatisAm/index.htm - close to end of page - lots of other goodies to cerebrate and celebrate there too

Stressed is desserts spelled backward.
Another rip but who's counting (~.*)

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. But it only takes four muscles to extend your arm ... whappp!

A friend mentioned a pimp slap recently - had to ask for a definition, "It's a double or triple bitch slap. There is also the dough boy slap, knock half of that biscuit right off his head. Or the really old 'I'll slap you so hard you will end up in next week.' Or 'I'll slap you so hard your grandfather will feel it.'"

All of which reminded me I'd forgotten to razz another friend about having a daughter turn 21. Had to give her permission to slap me.

You know you're stressed when:

The sun is too loud.

Trees begin to chase you.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed."

You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty tiff over it, lose and refuse to speak to yourself for the next day.

You keep yelling "Stop touching me!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.

Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.

Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.

You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

Suddenly you can hear mimes.

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

You can achieve a "runner's high" by just sitting up.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

You listen to your relaxation tapes on high speed.

You call your voice mail from your car using your cell phone while driving to work to remind yourself of tasks to do during the day.

Your e-mail notification tune is Taps.

You call Time & Weather because that lady "really understands you."

You take the "Don't Walk" sign personally.

Your pager is set to stun.

And from Beth ...

Your Depends are only good for 15 minutes.

Working a K-mart sale day sounds like a vacation in Tahiti.

You break into the Ex-Lax in desperation for anything chocolate.

A pre-dawn toaster fire, your evil stepchild's escaped pet tarantula alert and the arrival of the furniture-repo team are mere asides to the otherwise tooth-jarring routine.

Find Beth and more real-life funnies: http://www.therealmartha.com/Skewed_Views/index.htm - Skewed Views presented by The UnBlonde Sheep, poking holes while tending to the general shearing of BS

http://www.therealmartha.com/buttments/index.htm - Silly naughties, not vulgar

 http://www.primat.se/primat/apelogic.htm

Prayers of the Stressed

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m.

Help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them are hypersensitive.

Help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually not my fault.

Help me to not try to run everything.  But, if You need some help, please feel free to ask!

Help me to be more laid back and help me to do it exactly right.

Help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties and dancing.

Give me patience, and I mean right NOW!

Help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

Help me to finish everything I sta

Help me to keep my mind on one th - Look a bird! - ing at a time.

Help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?

Keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

Help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

Help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

Help me slow down and not rush through what I do. And hurry up about it!

Amen       

Stress Management, a Guided Meditation

Picture yourself near a stream.
  Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
  Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows your secret place.
  You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
  The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

  The water is crystal clear.
  You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

There now, feel better?

  Christmas Special

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was really beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.

When Santa went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when Santa began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden all the liquor.

In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot which broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang. A really irritable Santa trudged to the front door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa!!! Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you! Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.  

Disclaimer, such as it is ... it's only a matter of time before some idiot decides bitching is in order, no thanks - call a talk show. Fun begins again shortly, after linkers.

I do not advocate force, violence* or for that matter, verbal abuse, which often does more harm than physical - even though scars aren't visible. That's another subject, maybe a future page.

Hitting is never the right choice, however I doubt there's one person on the planet who hasn't struck a blow in the heat of real anger or as a natural/automatic defense/response. The whole neighborhood thought I was beating Lib after an "attack" of the teeny puppy claws on exactly the right spot on my leg. I jerked, she landed wrong - screaming bloody murder. I felt like a murderer and didn't relax until the vet said she was more scared than hurt.

The point of course, accidents do happen. Only bullies pick on the small and weak on purpose. Just as battering a dog is fruitless unless instilling fear is the goal, spanking kids is not an admirable practice. I'm not a trainer, nor do I have kids, nevertheless, it doesn't take a whole lot of brain power to realize positive reinforcement is the better way to accomplish discipline and desirable behavior lesson objectives.

Coincidentally while I was finishing this page, Rexanne was dealing with the old swatting issues again: "I am completely opposed to spanking. I know that almost twice as many of you spank your children as don't. At the risk of alienating 62 percent of my subscribers, I cannot, in good conscience, keep my opinions to myself." More: http://www.rexanne.com./rwr-32.html

http://www.rexanne.com./rwr-archives.html - Still more good sense from the "Mom of the World"

*I am also not a pacifist, see WAR link below for those opinions.

Lighten up now, have fun, send the page around. Sorry, I don't use auto-senders - don't like my name ending up on mailing lists and neither does anyone else. Aolers, drag heart thingy in top right corner into e-mail or copy and paste URL: http://www.therealmartha.com/stress/index.htm. Actually not a bad idea to do both, click-ons don't always work. Save in your faves too - never know who's going to need it, or what I may add.

Find variety page links and gawd knows what all sorta mish-mash below.

This week's work schedule

Monday        

Tuesday        

Wednesday  

Thursday       

Friday          

To put that another way:

Work stressing you out? Try to perfect that one thing that makes any job more bearable - the fake cough for calling in sick. From: http://www.reale.org/crabby_pg2.htm ~ Paying Homage to the Crabby One, Maxine (more Max below)

http://www.therealmartha.com/greenfridge/index.htm - Not the usual hints and tips (includes free cookbook offer if you send a NOOM - new one on me)

http://www.therealmartha.com/Frogulations/index.htm - A different sort of B-day greeting

http://www.therealmartha.com/buttments/index.htm - Silly naughties, not vulgar

http://www.therealmartha.com/Watchmy6/index.htm - SEAL pups? It's a cutie

http://www.therealmartha.com/LPNs/index.htm - Licensed practical noogiests, therapy angels of the four-legged, wet-nosed, sloppy-kissin' kind

http://www.therealmartha.com/Smile/index.htm - Name that smile ... friendliest, most beautiful, goofiest, mischievous ... show off your best buddy's pearly whites

http://www.therealmartha.com/BegRoyale/index.htm - The Beggar Royale and friends

http://www.therealmartha.com/Skewed_Views/index.htm - Skewed Views presented by The UnBlonde Sheep, poking holes while tending to the general shearing of BS

http://www.therealmartha.com/brightspots/index.htm - Wit and wisdom gathered from every day goings-on, special events, occasions, critters, friends ... real people what-have-yous - includes something for everyone, with special attention paid to the sneakin'-up-on-50 crowd

http://www.therealmartha.com/Granny_Greetings/index.htm - A collection of oldie-goldies, memories, original compositions and personal tributes, humor and happy tears

http://www.therealmartha.com/catchall/index.htm - Catch-all series begins, this, thats 'n' t'others

http://www.therealmartha.com/puppiesaresocu/index.htm - Printable page, "Puppies are so cute, but ... " and Spay/Neuter Myth Busting articles by Miss Liberty, ME (Mutt Extraordinaire)

http://www.therealmartha.com/Classyfiedlinks/index.htm - Links I like and the Classy-fieds

http://www.therealmartha.com/HappyBday/index.htm - All-purpose, CYA B-day card

http://www.therealmartha.com/speuter1/index.htm - Printable graphics page for animal activists, or anybody who wants to help and have the pleasure of getting away with calling someone an ass (stayed tuned for more)

http://www.therealmartha.com/cyberwho/index.htm - Cyber relationship funnies

http://www.therealmartha.com/evolution/index.htm - OK, here's what really happened with men

http://www.therealmartha.com/whatday/index.htm - Confused? You're not the only one

http://www.therealmartha.com/Smile/index.htm - Name that critter smile ... friendliest, most beautiful, goofiest, mischievous ... show off your best buddy's pearly whites

The Whispering Activist Record (central link/update page) - http://www.therealmartha.com/WAR/index.htm - Opinions and ideas, mine and from others, that everyone can use to get involved, make a difference and lighten the load. Find hoax busters, media hype alerts, timely info, controversy, common sense, commiseration, empathy, household tips, easy recipes, critter stuff, variety links, and a little humor along the way.

http://www.therealmartha.com/patriotcritters/index.htm - Special celebration for and by our four-legged family members

www.TheRealMartha.com - Not for fans of the UnRealMartha

Queen C's Can-tagious Can Cuisine - http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/easyrecipes.index.html
Diary of a Mad Politically Incorrect Cook - http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/diarymadpicook.index.html
Bubba Gourmet - http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/BubbaGourmet.index.html
Side Introduction to Vittles on the Go, part 1 - http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/sideintro.index.html Vittles on the Go (Halloween pages start) - http://therealmartha.com/fd16hallo/index.htm
Feeder's Digest - http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/FDintro.index.html  

and ...

Grand Opening at the new place - http://therealmartha.home.mindspring.com/

Most recent site index - http://www.therealmartha.com/indexgraphiccr/default.htm - recipes by title and more including humor, critter stuff and just plain out there in some cases

Original pages - http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/Siteindex.index.html - With apologies in advance for limitations, typos and other buggies that I might get around to fixing when I have time for the pain that it is since that publisher was confiscated.

Order my cookbook - the de-stressed way to handle any holiday, I promise, even if you're it for the whole turkey rodeo.

Rave reviews: http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/buythebook.index.html or go directly to order form: http://www.therealmartha.com/orderform/index.htm

Comments/suggestions/ideas/questions: MarthaJones1@aol.com

Please use a clearly defined subject line. Due to junk volume/virus threats, unknowns will be deleted. E-vaporations are also an ongoing problem, if I don't reply in a few days, please try again. Thanks!

Love this - perfect look to go with my new word: flustervated

Great Lines

I have one nerve left and you're on it. (Think that's from a movie - anybody know who said it?)

I'm so stressed out I could chew barbed wire and spit out finishing nails. ~ Wysper, whose teeth are sore

If anyone tells you there is a lady whizzing around on her ceiling fan, you can say that you know her. ~ Wysper, "The dog barked, and I was up there again."

Cussing a blue streak usually works pretty well for me - makes no difference whether the offending object is a life form or inanimate. Actually, it's the imps who live in the kitchen causing most of the problems - pushing stuff off cupboard shelves. Imps most likely responsible for a recent toaster suicide jump too. Certainly their fault for talking me into a new counter arrangement which placed a can opener on top of an old toaster oven. Messy, messy meltdown ... however, I will deny any accusations of premeditated murder.

Speaking of murder, hard as I tried, never did finish off that ancient ugly avocado fridge: http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/Greenbeast.index.html

http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/disaster.index.html ~ More about Murphy's "little people"

This may relieve entertaining worries: http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/cookerycrookerydoc.index.html

Need an idea for hushing gossips? Find a most handy witches' curse: http://therealmartha.com/fd16hallo/index.htm (about 1/3 down the page, not limited to Halloween use)

Want a guaranteed remedy for whatever ails ya? Find out about volunteer programs. Doing something for others returns far more than you'll ever be able to give. My choice has always been animals, particularly humane education. All the time we were bouncing around with Mike's job, all I could do was critter pages and preach spay/neuter whenever I had the chance one-to-one. Once we "landed" I wanted to get back to hands-on. Nothing like a slobber-fest or squeezing puppies to take your mind off the world's problems. Better yet, tell your troubles to the cats - they're supposed to ignore you.

I happened to pick the shelter closest to home and to my pleasant surprise found it to be non-euthanizing. That's still the exception - few and far between - but don't let that stop you. Volunteers are never exposed to reality. If you really can't stand the thought of "seeing something" find ideas for a number of things you can do at home on my Shelter Sweeties pages: http://www.therealmartha.com/adopt/index.htm

BTW, you can't take them all home, so that's that.

Even if you're as old and decrepit as me, you can stick to walking the little ones ... scoopin' poop is great exercise too (~.*)

http://www.therealmartha.com/spayneuter/index.htm - Spay/neuter graphics on printable pages, telling it like it is

I guarantee any effort put into distribution will pay off with a better night's sleep. If only one person gets the message, it translates to thousands of lives saved. One dog can be responsible for more than 7,000 births in a lifetime. That's her pups, their pups, and so on. Cat production is more than double the dog statistics.

From Dr. Weil, Weekly Wellness Bulletin ~ http://office.drweil.com/bulletin/weekly_bulletin_100802.html

October 08, 2002

Less Stress with Pets Pet owners have fewer illnesses than others - and recover faster when they do get sick - have lower blood pressure, are less likely to be depressed, and have higher self-esteem than people who don't have pets. New research now suggests that the company of pets can help combat stress. Faced with a stressful task pet owners didn't respond as strongly to stress as those whose animals were absent but had a friend or spouse present. A study from the State University of New York at Buffalo showed that among married couples with normal blood pressure, participants given mental arithmetic tests showed only a seven point increase in blood pressure when their pets were with them compared with 35 point increases when a friend or spouse was present. Without any company, blood pressure jumped about 25 points. The researchers concluded that their results were further evidence of the health benefits of having a pet. Be well, From the DrWeil.com team

No worries here

No stress collection would be complete without Maxine

You know that nice older lady who lives down the street, you see tending her cats or maybe cooling a pie on the windowsill? That's not me - not even close. I don't live on anybody's street - they live on mine. I don't work well in groups, and I don't work at all if I can get away with it. I tell it like it is, I tell it like it ought to be. And I'm my own biggest fan. But you're free to join in the hard-fought fight for second place.

Maxine, Up Close and Too Personal

Name: What's it to you, pal?
Age: Twenty-one, plus a few extra years you don't need to know about.
Birthday: Last person who guessed won a fat lip.
Current home: Mobile.
Occupation: Retired, but I do a lot of volunteer griping.
Favorite hobby: Collecting coins - usually from mall fountains.
Favorite childhood memory: Learning to ride a two-wheeler ... throughout the neighbor's flower bed.
Personal heroes: I have three,  Me, Myself and I.
Three words that best describe you: Leave. Me. Alone.

A Day in the Strife
A page from Maxine's daily planner

8 a.m. Rise and whine. Greet the world with a brisk, "Yeah, whatever."
8:15 a.m. First coffee of the day. First pot of coffee, that is.
8:30 a.m. Need more coffee. I can still separate individual heartbeats.
9:30 a.m. Make daily list of people I want to offend, annoy or insult before lunch.
10 a.m. Visit garage sales to look for antiques. But enough about my neighbors.
11 a.m. Organize chores into three categories: Things I won't do now, things I won't do later, things I will never do.
12 p.m. Go to the "all you can eat, you can regret it later" buffet.
1:30 p.m. Bug the guy in front of me in the eight-item express lane who has 10 items, because he's keeping me from going through with my two loaded carts  
2 p.m. Spring cleaning. (In other words, let the dog dust the furniture with his tail.)
3 p.m. Cancel hair appointment; decide that because perms are so expensive, I'll just tie a sleepy blue poodle to my head and get the same effect.
4 p.m. Plant more crabgrass. (Hey, I love the name!)
5 p.m. Wrap garage sale junk to give as a wedding gift.
6 p.m. Go to drive-thru. Order an unhappy meal.
7 p.m. Remember extra rice for wedding. (I love to pelt hard food at happy people.)
8 p.m. Watch a little TV. They repossessed my big TV.
9 p.m. Hit the hay. (Yep, the water balloon just missed the farmer.)
10 p.m. Read a few chapters of How to Lose Friends and Offend People.
11 p.m. Off to la-la land. (And no, I don't mean the relatives' house.)

and ... this should explain the rest of life.

I dunno, this just seems to fit here ...

In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their
ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was
too thin and the other five percent said they
didn't care - they would have married him
anyway!

C'mon guys, fair's fair - no whining - you had your fun. Ladies, check out pay-backs, a lovely collection of bashers: http://www.therealmartha.com/manathome/index.htm

I even threw in a coupla turn-abouts. All for good-natured laughs with, not at, our sweeties.

Valuable statistics, from an unknown, highly enlightened male

I was driving to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why ~ I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an eight-lane highway so if you just look at the seven lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's seven cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females one in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642.

Now according to Cosmopolitan, 70 percent describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22 percent of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34 percent describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association five percent of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that statistically, every single day, I drive past at least one female who has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

Flip one off?

I think not! 

I don't suffer from insanity either ... in fact, I rather enjoy it.

Thanks Mmie

New meds

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...

St. Mom's Wort ~ Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen ~ Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Flipitor ~ Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics ~ When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin ~ Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra ~ Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all ~ Caution, when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin ~ Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident ~ A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin ~ Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

Ragamet ~ When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Men-Gay ~ A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify who to cross off the dating pool.

Thanks to Joy for both of the above.

They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. Giving the finger is free too and so much more personal and sincere.

I refuse to be responsible for interpretations of certain items that jump onto this page entirely of their own free will ...

Easy stress busters

Most of this list is plain old common sense, something that tends to be in short supply when we're all too busy rushing around to even think about thinking straight.

Go to bed on time.
Get up on time to start the day unrushed.
Say "No" to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
Delegate tasks to capable others.
Simplify and unclutter your life.
Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
Take one day at a time.
Separate worries from concerns. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.,
K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut) This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
Do something for the kid in you every day.
Get enough exercise.
Eat right.
Every single thing really does need its own place.
Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
Write thoughts and inspirations down.
Every day, find time to be alone.
Try to nip small problems in the bud.
Laugh.
Laugh some more.
Take your work seriously, but yourself not at all.
Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). Bonus: It'll drive 'em nuts. Remember it takes two to argue. Keep saying, "I understand and agree completely," and nothing else, over and over.
Sit on your ego.
Talk less - listen more.
Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Life in five short chapters

1.
I walk down the street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless;
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place;
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5.
I walk down a different street.
author unknown

Let me know if you have a certain situation that a few choice words would relieve. I do so love telling people where to go and how to get there.

http://www.therealmartha.com/editingetc/index.htm

In the meantime, help yourself to Broom Hilda.