Response from the Spice Cabinet
For entertainment purposes only ... however, all panel members live in the real world, dealing with a variey of family/relationship crises on a daily basis. Considering the lack of ex-bodies to count (none found anyway) among the group's statistics, we could be on to something like civilized sense here. I intend to have fun with it in any case and you may just find a real nugget to keep.
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The Car Shopping Dilemma
"A man I recently started dating offered to take my daughter car shopping. They did not find exactly what she wanted the first time out and now he seems to be having trouble rescheduling a time to go again. She was especially disappointed after she had rearranged her hours at work to be available when he ended up having to work late and had to cancel."
Your daughter probably set her expectations a little higher than her budget will allow - not uncommon among young people. This is a no-win situation. Somebody will inevitably get their feelings hurt, as in - he thinks he lost face in her eyes and she lost respect for him because she didn't get what she wanted. He went out of his way to assist and failed. That hurts his manly fix-it-all ego and her "I'm a worth a nice car mind set." You lose face as the mother and dating partner because there were no positive results. The solution is to calmly talk about reality and come to a new conclusion of what to shoot for. Are any of the relationships worth damaging over a car? - Thyme
I know that car problems can be very nerve wracking, but tell your daughter to cool down and not worry too much. Men always take care of car situations, especially when young girls are concerned. - The Sage
It really depends on your relationship with the man as to whether you should have even asked him to help your daughter find a car in the first place. We are in a society of single parents, that's true, but he is still not her dad, and that is not his responsibility. If he offered, then that's another kettle of fish. If something else comes up that he must do, you really can't blame him for cancelling on your daughter ... and it's not his fault if she can't get her own dad to help her with this. My advice is to be sure of his intentions. If he is just tired of taking responsibility for your daughter (which ultimately boils down to taking responsibility for you as well) and really did NOT have to work late, then maybe he is not the man for you. However, if he was just fulfilling his own family and work obligations, and this is not a "pattern" with him, then I think you should give him some slack (until the next time he drops the ball on something else) and help your daughter to understand this. Assure her that she should not take this personally ... that he was nice enough to offer in the first place, but DON'T ASK HIM again to help her. Next time, (if there is a next time), wait for him to offer help ... otherwise, you will appear needy, and he will feel "trapped" as men often do. It really depends on your relationship and where the man is coming from ... and that is for you to determine. - Parsley
Never expect a boyfriend to get involved with your children without there being problems. And that is just a glimpse into what it is like to blend families. - Cayenne
Howdy Mam :-) Let me take yer daughter out to buy a car. You don't need to worry about me canceling, cuz other than a few night jobs, I don't work. I know some real good car lots, my cuzin Bubba owns one fine used car lot. I know their good cars, cuz I got three of 'em up on blocks now using them for parts. Iz yer daughter cute? If she ain't that's ok too as long as she likes Scoal. Cuz if she chews tobaccy we can share. While we're lookin' for cars. - Tabasco a.k.a. Floyd the Red Neck Cowboy.
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Something's wrong with this picture ...
My friend has dated a guy eight times - they have made out but he has never tried anything more. Last night she invited him to spend the night and they just slept together. He told her previously that he wanted sex to be special. She's never had a guy in bed, naked, that wasn't responsive to her. Should she ask him if he has a problem? How should she ask?
You tell your friend, The Rednecked Cowboy here is available, and you tell her he's a virgin too if livestock don't count. I ain't never seen a nude girl other than my cuzins. But I'll garentow ya I don't need that viraga stuff. Maybe we could drink a little moonshine and swap spit together. She don't need to ask her boy friend the problem, cuz I would gladly be her problem.
He might be gay, but if that's not the problem, Viagra is said to work wonders. My advice on asking him about it? Don't bother. Don't sleep with him again if it bothers her but I wouldn't spend any more time fretting over him, either. He's NOT a willing partner. Why waste time and get emotionally into a tail spin over a guy who is obviously NOT interested in what she's offering? If she absolutely must torture herself and find out more, she could ask him if he finds her attractive and if he feels she's someone who could make sex special. Why beat around the hedge? If he wasn't trying to have sex with her, she really has no business asking him if he's impotent. - Rosemary
Does the girl really like this guy? She will have to handle this carefully. If he is truly impotent he would probably be trying Viagra. If you take that stuff, from what I have read you need to be sure that you will use it. - The Sage
The guy never said he wanted to have sex when he slept with your friend. Why should she be so upset? He obviously was either not interested, or does not choose to tell her if he does have a problem. He never stated that he INTENDED to have sex ... so, actually, he has been honest with her and has not "tried anything" or verbalized his desire to have sex so she really has no room to question it. I definitely think the next move (if she even wants a "next move") is HIS. - Parsley
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Meet the Spice Cabinet
Rosemary the Quasi Countess: Long ago and far away there lived a really possessive Italian count who wanted to marry an American commoner. By listening to her gut and her unnaturally uncanny insight, the commoner fled the count's country of origin only to find herself in the grips of equally inane situations on the other side of the ocean. But hey, wit and wisdom prevail. She is now known as Rosemary, the Quasi-Countess. Her wise advice keeps her friends from fumbling on life's pitted avenues and her own heart from being shattered at every bizarre curve. Rosemary is also considered somewhat of a parenting expert. She loves kids and will offer parenting wisdom and advice with loving care. She will help, if you will listen! Rexanne's Page for Parents
Parsley: Has a master's degree in learning disabilities with a large emphasis in reading and writing. She has taught inner city mentally handicapped and/or learning disabled children for the past 25 years, as well as a creative writing course in collaboration with writers from Hallmark Cards.
Thyme: Relationship counselor/workshop facilitator, who is maddeningly PC.
The Sage: Former party animal gone semi-straight, he taketh nor speaketh no bull.
Tabasco: The Utah Cowboy Poet (profile on site)
Cayenne: Caricatures by Rina (profile on site)
Your alias here ...
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