Something a little
different from TheRealMartha a.k.a. Queen Can-ivore ...
Real easy recipes for real busy,
real people - www.TheRealMartha.com
You'll laugh, you'll learn, contemplate and commiserate - have your own little party - savor it well.
to
Bits and Bright Spots
Wit and wisdom gathered from every day goings on, special events, occasions, friends ... real people what-have-yous
The rose - it takes a lot of you-know-what to grow a beauty - that would be life.
(*.~)
This venture began after finding the first entry in Boogie Jack's "Almost a Newsletter" - heartfelt sentiments on certain subjects get to even cantankerous, crotchety, curmudgeonous, cynical me. Please submit whatever pearls you may be sitting on.
Have had a blast putting this together. So much entertainment appears in my mailbox ... true gems found on every cruise too ... finally, a stash place!
Due to the state of cranky machines which eat files, most credits are MIA. Any original* source info will be most appreciated and applied A.S.A.P.
*Please note ... quite a bit of material used here has appeared in a variety of publications. There would be no point in listing each source.
Don't forget to bookmark. Check back soon and often for new goodies.
Cinnamon
Cinnamon is a girl that you have to like.
No matter what kind of day you've had, or what kind of mood you're in, she always greets
you with enthusiasm and true joy that you're around.
If you speak harshly to her, she doesn't hold a grudge. With the slightest gesture she'll
be right back to your side and love you just the same as if nothing ever happened.
She's loyal and caring, and would defend you against all odds. As her friend, I'd bet
money she'd die trying to save you if you were in trouble, so faithful and true is she.
She doesn't put on airs or pretend to be something she's not. She treats everyone the
same, no matter what you look like, or what you believe in, or how rich or poor you are.
She treats everyone the same, with a loving heart.
Of course, she does have her quirks, but don't we all? I mean, so what if she doesn't wear
make-up, right? And who cares if she always has bad breath? And what's the big deal if she
runs around without any clothes on...after all, she's only a dog.
Yes, you can learn good qualities from anyone, even a dog.
Arf.
Article by Boogie Jack a.k.a Warp Master
Find Boogie Jack's Web Depot, a webmaster's resource at www.BoogieJack.com. There's something for everyone, including non-webmasters. He publishes a couple of e-zines and has a book on web site design coming out in early 2001. There are more than 500 pages of original content. Meet the real Booj, up close and personal, as he reveals his food-related confidentials on the Web Celebs interview page.
~~~
Ponder that - 'tis too true. Oddly enough this little piece of work was close to prophetic. The lead dog captured Miss Liberty's spirit to a T and was quite a remarkable resemblance except coloring. The end doofus turned out to be a new neighbor's cocker spaniel, marking pattern right on and definitely the same expression, all the time.
Mis Liberty hosts Dog's Eye View ~ http://members.aol.com/Libbyk9/index.html
This was obviously funny because of the name. Had to send to 'net buddy, Crazy Martha. We've had many a hoot over sharing a signature, this was about the best. She publishes the "Hillbilly Cornbread" newsletter, one of the friendliest variety zines around. It features pen-pal ads, recall warnings, ButterBean Jean's freebie links, computer tips, poetry, inspirational stories, recipes, humor and more. Request a sample copy at HilbilCorn@aol.com.
At the beginning of summer I started a co-op with editors to exchange links and miscellanea, including LTFs (My "thang" - recipes with five or less ingredients). Check out Summer Catchall. "Hillbilly Cornbread" contributions begin on Even More Summer Catchall
More on the subject of Marthas, Chris of www.NoMarthaStewart.com contacted me about a link swap. The site features "Not a good thing" kitchen stuff, aprons, dish towels, etc., and outstanding anti-StewRat links. After a few back and forth e-mails, I suggested starting a club so "her zealotness" could sue us all at once. All ideas entertained, outrageous or otherwise.
I'll be working on a printable membership/allegiance document. Links and e-mail addys (by request) will be added to an accompanying page which will also feature the best of the send-ups as well as reader comments. Get busy, send in your stuff - subject line "Anti-StewRat" of course.
Logos for display on pages and in or attached to e-mail, courtesy of Sheila, MoreThanGraphics. Choose whichever you like best, or take them all. Right click to save to your own hard drive. Link or refer to www.TheRealMartha.com
http://www.marianholbrook.com/ - Funny lady who is also not a Stew-Rat fan, go to archives links, look for Martha in the titles
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving
I'm telling you in
advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small
changes. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial
run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not
have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of
Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved
in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The
mud was their idea.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal
goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since
this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate
and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead
we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction
paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm
sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving,
pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at
5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As
accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If
the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that
tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast.
In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal
seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit
where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate
table. In a separate room. Next door.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd
of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons,
the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do
not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small,
unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is
unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the
rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head
with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal,
and especially while in the presence of you diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by
its lesser-known name: cheese sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins
or type of cheese sauce, plead ignorance. cheese sauce stains.
Before I forget, there is one last change. instead of offering a choice between 12
different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished
with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave
it.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next
year either.
I am thankful.
Dear Santa,
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy
slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.
I want to slap Martha Stewart.
Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country.
Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living.
We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner.
We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid - gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety.
We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it.
OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last week's USA Weekend. I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego.
We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold. (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, "I don't have a microwave."
The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow, noted that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either." Well lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa!
That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha. What next? The coffee maker?
In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that qualifies as "put away" in my house!
Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. "Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts. Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with such frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue.
She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s," and says her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel." I have one piece of advice, Martha: "Get new friends."
Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet bowl sanitation.
Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Theresa, Madeline Albright and Maya Angelou, no doubt).
The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone." I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.
A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to roller blade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast. This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to roller blade. What a show off.
If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price friendship, right?
When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, "Don't envy me. I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers. You should listen to them." Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back.
"Being an overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower your standards," says Martha. And of her web page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an "important presence" as she graciously helps people organize their sad, tacky little lives.
There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year.
You probably want to smack her yourself.
See Mother
See Mother laugh.
Mother is happy.
Mother is happy about Christmas.
Mother has many plans.
Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized.
Mother smiles all the time.
Funny, funny Mother!
See Mother.
See Mother smile.
Mother is happy.
The shopping is all done.
See the children watch TV.
Watch children, watch.
See the children change their minds.
See them ask Santa for different toys.
Look! Look!
Mother is not smiling.
Funny, funny Mother!
See Mother.
See Mother sew.
Mother will make dresses.
Mother will make robes.
Mother will make shirts.
See Mother put the zipper in wrong.
See Mother sew the dress on the wrong side.
See Mother cut the skirt too short.
See Mother put the materials away until January.
Look! Look!
See Mother take a tranquilizer.
Funny, funny Mother!
See Mother.
See Mother buy raisins and nuts.
See Mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar.
See Mother buy flour, dates, pecans, brown sugar, bananas and spices.
Look! Look!
Mother is mixing everything together.
See the children press out cookies.
See the flour on their elbows.
See the cookies burn.
See the cake fall.
See the children pull taffy.
See Mother pull her hair.
See Mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose.
Funny, funny Mother!
See Mother.
See Mother wrap presents.
See Mother look for the end on the Scotch tape roll.
See Mother bite her fingernails.
See Mother go.
See Mother go to the store ten times in one hour.
Go Mother, go.
See Mother go faster.
Run, Mother, run!
See Mother trim the tree.
See Mother have a party.
See Mother make popcorn.
See Mother wash the walls.
See Mother scrub the rug.
See Mother tear up organized plan.
See Mother forget gift for Uncle Harold.
See Mother get hives.
Go, Mother, go!
See the faraway look in Mother's eyes.
Mother has become disorganized.
Mother has become disoriented.
Funny, funny Mother!
It is finally Christmas morning.
See the happy family.
See Father smile.
Father is happy.
Smile, Father, smile.
Father loves fruitcake.
Father loves Christmas pudding.
Father loves all his new neckties.
Look! Look!
See the happy children.
See the children's new toys.
Santa was very good to the children.
The children will remember this Christmas.
See Mother.
Mother is slumped in a chair.
Mother is crying uncontrollably.
Mother does not look well.
Mother has ugly dark circles
under her bloodshot eyes.
Everyone helps Mother to her bed.
See Mother sleep quietly under heavy sedation.
See Mother smile.
Funny, funny Mother!
~ Author Unknown ~
Ring any bells?
~~~
Cleaning Tips for Internet Junkies
Always crank up the rock and roll* (or country, jazz - whatever your fave) to accompany the big chores. Make a special tape for early morning T-day turkey wrestling. When I'm up to my elbows - there will be no sleeping for anyone! Might even roust 'em out to help with the rest of the preparations.
I've had the turk and whole-nine-yards mastered, down to as easy as possible, though still tedious, for several years. However, it is entirely probable that Tom battle is history. I was recovering from a nasty flu bug and not really feeling up to the functions when Bubba suggested a precooked bird. My ears perked, no argument here ... even if I did have my doubts. It was his idea - I couldn't blamed if it was awful. Quite the opposite - it was wonderful. The package deal came with a couple of sides and wasn't altogether that expensive considering time and exhaustion saved. Bubba did his yam and marshmallow thang, I did my must-have male (they have nuts) potatoes for the touch of homey. Altogether a success, one of the most pleasant destressed holidays ever.
*A too cool beans surprise has occurred - definitely a brightener. Bubba's an old rock and roller, keyboard player.
He recently bought a new keyboard and some other equipment for a big project in the works with his old buddies. Some of the guys stayed in the business, and some, like Mike drifted away into "normal" life. Collective energy is resurrecting terrific tunes. I hadn't really been paying attention, all I knew was that he was pounding away hard. Wasn't hearing anything because he's been working under a headset. What a trip! Bubba rocks. He's put together a combo of Cream, Jimi Hendrix and Deep Purple that had me movin' right into it. He'd told me he played with Hendrix during Jimi's first tour in 1968. Mike and Tony Mattisolio were in a group called the Revolvers and Johnny and Edgar Winter were part of the New Breed group. Those four and Hendrix did Cream's Sunshine of Your Love together. Anyway ... my gasteds are still flabbered, had no idea ol' Bubba had it in him. Can't wait to see what he comes up with next. Guess my next project will be setting up a site to sell CDs ... Stay tuned ... news as it happens ...
~~~
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat
which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals and say we've no money for butter.
And I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and a pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must
have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I
ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph
Note: Rina said if you like the above, you'll like the book "Like Water for Chocolate" - has stuff like this and each chapter starts with a strange little recipe.
Recently Rexanne recommended as witty "Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married" by Marian Keyes.
Read a particularly good
one lately? What's your all time fave? Fave author(s) and why? This could be a lot of fun,
also useful for serious issues. Your opinions count - sound off! I need to know who you
really are to make this a beneficial feature but you can use a pen name if so desired.
Same goes for any contributions - no other rules yet. Remember, I'm always open to
suggestions and new ideas. I want Bits and Brights to become a get-away
habitat. Feel free to fire off a note just bitchin' any ol' time there's no one else to
tell it to. One of my specialties is guidance for those (annoying pests) who are confused
about where to go and how to get there.
;-)
Give me the straight, complete facts and
I'll return a straight opinion even if it's not what you might want to hear. Fair enough? Dig
it.
~~~
My little wild flower
Miss Liberty, M.E. (Mutt Extraordinaire), hosting Dog's Eye View
More
Libby Pics in her Gallery
Dog's Eye View
For almost 14 years Lib was one bright spot I could always count on. She was something else to say the least, in more than a few ways, my inner child. Knew nothing but love and loved everyone she met. We had many an adventure in our travels, good and bad - no matter what tho, she was always ready to jump in the car for the next go. I took her out in public as often as possible. Good will seemed to be her mission. Kids were always attracted to her and she loved to knock 'em down for a thorough face wash. I'd always let her go to kids in strollers, and when a parent would pull a kid away, we'd deliberately follow until that kid got a chance to pet her. Her best stories as model, LPN (licensed practical noogiest), kissing booth fund raiser for spay/neuter, winner of friendliest and best tail wagger contest categories, public speaker and finally journalist are all linked on her site - see end of this page.
One of my best memories is a parade I insisted our paper participate in, with Lib on the float. My editor, who did not like or appreciate dogs, and in fact was scared of most thought I was losing it - again (or as usual). But as usual, to humor me she went along with it, sat right by Lib on the float. Hubby, the publisher wasn't much for dogs either but was always up for promo. It was a hoot, all along the route people were waving and shouting, "We love the dog." Even I was surprised, they were astounded. Lib's column page soon became premium ad space. We had a lot of fun with her column as well as tackling the serious issues and practical education too.
I was devastated when Lib died. It had come to the point of making that hard call. The liver disease was taking a fast toll. Seemed like one day she was having a fine romp in the snow and the next we had to help her up the stairs. Never a whimper or moan, I think she just gave up. I think about her every day, trying to concentrate on the pure joy she was instead of the heartbreak.
I was positive I did not want another dog, couldn't stand the thought of ever losing one again. Everyone said I had to get another one right away - how could they be so cruel, how could I replace one true love? Then along came Buster, a case I couldn't refuse. Look at that face.
Buster da Dude a.k.a. the Boston Tooter
Appropriately named, he came bustin' in the door upon delivery. Went right for the soccer ball welcome present and hasn't stopped since. Poster child for Boston terrorists everywhere. I call him my gentleman clown. The da Dude tag signifies how stylish he is, a play on da Bomb too. His manners are impeccable, although he does get a bit demanding about having the covers arranged his own way once he's snuggled in. Supposedly he's about nine years old but he's certainly not ready to take up the rocking chair. Grunts, snorts, snores and eats like a pig, farts up a storm (typical Boston), stomps all around when he needs to go out - adding the rare bark if attention is not immediately paid. This usually occurs right at the end of a TV show, particularly suspense dramas. Serious business once he's outside, industrious investigation and autograph application, champion dirt kicker too. Been a little rough lately tho - snow deeper than he is tall. He perseveres. Buster's Toots and More links are listed at the end of this page.
~~~
Miss Jennifer Jones (Daddy named her in honor of one of his favorite actresses) on my lap. The family was used to having her back up to take a load off - it was certainly entertaining when she targeted a visitor. Wasn't a whole lot they could do about it :) Great pal, took her for rides whenever I could - quite a sight piled in the back of my Volks - best security on wheels and home for that matter. Neighbors always told us they went on alert when she barked because she never did unless something wasn't right in the area, even if it was just a strange car. The barks were strictly heads up, she wouldn't have known what to about biting. It was laughable when I forgot my key one day. Told my boyfriend who was scared of Jennifer we'd have to go thru the back yard to her unlocked door. The brawny baby was not thrilled but decided to be brave. Right by the gate was one of Jen's huge bones from the butcher (didn't know better back then). "OMG, what is that?" It was so silly I had to goof on him, "Hmmm, looks like she got one of the workmen." I swear that big boy almost turned and ran. All wonderful memories - hope to have another Dane some day.
More pics and stories of my critters over the years and also those submitted by readers are linked on Lib's faves list page. Also kitty shower (one of the guys adopted the lucky waif) pics and story of rescue by the office gang. Naturally I had to make the infamous Kitty Litter Cake for the occasion - recipe included.
Not funny that dual definition of litter.
On the subject of rescue, here's one that'll really get ya ... sent by my sister Judy who works in rescue in Texas.
On the volunteering page, there are two pics of Judy at work.
Rescue
at Rainbow Bridge
author unknown
Unlike most of the sun-filled days
at the Rainbow Bridge, this particular day dawned cold and gray, damp as a swamp and as
dismal as any day could be imagined. The recent arrivals had no idea what to think, as
they had never ever experienced a day like this before. The animals who had been waiting
for their beloved people, knew exactly what was going on and started to gather at the
pathway leading to The Bridge ... to watch.
It wasn't long before an elderly animal came into view, his head hung low and his tail was
dragging. The animals who had been there for a while knew what his story was right away -
they had seen this happen far too often. He approached slowly, obviously in great
emotional pain, but with no sign of injury or illness.
Unlike other animals waiting at The Bridge, this animal had not been restored to youth and
made healthy and vigorous again. As he walked toward The Bridge, he watched the other
animals watching him. He knew he was out of place here and the sooner he could cross over,
the happier he would be. But it was not to be. As he approached The Bridge, his way was
barred by the appearance of an angel who apologized, then told him that he would not be
able to pass. Only those animals who were with their people could pass.
With no place else to turn, the elderly animal turned toward the fields before The Bridge
and saw a group like himself, also elderly and infirm. They weren't playing, rather simply
lying on the green grass, forlornly staring out at the pathway leading to The Bridge. And
so, he took his place among them and waited.
An animal who'd been there for a while explained to one of the newest arrivals, "You
see, that poor animal over there, with the others, they are rescues. He was turned into
rescue just as you see him now, with his fur graying and his eyes clouding. Sadly, he
never made it out of rescue and passed on with only the love of his rescuer to comfort him
as he left his earthly existence. Because he had no family to give his love to, he has no
one to escort him across The Bridge."
The first animal thought about this for a minute and then asked, "So what will happen
now?" As he was about to receive his answer, suddenly, the clouds parted swiftly, and
the gloom lifted with a mighty wind. Approaching The Bridge could be seen a single person
and among the older animals, a whole group was suddenly bathed in a golden light and they
were all once again, young and healthy, just as they were in the prime of their life.
"Watch, and see," said the second animal. A second group of animals came to the
pathway and bowed their heads as the person came closer. At each bowed head, the person
offered a pat or a scratch behind the ears.
One by one, the newly restored animals fell into line and followed him toward The Bridge.
And then, they all crossed The Bridge together.
"What just happened?" asked the first animal.
"That was a rescuer. The animals you saw bowing to the rescuer in respect were those
who found new homes because of all their work. They will all cross over to The Bridge,
when their new families arrive. Those you saw restored were those who never found homes.
When a rescuer arrives, they are allowed to perform one, final act of rescue ... to escort
all the animals who couldn't be placed."
Predictably, Judy could not resist one of her cases. Jake was found on the street, happily not injured or ill, just wandering. He is an absolutely beautiful, boisterous Lab who has significantly brightened Judy's old Lab mix Maxi's days. Maxi lost her litter mate to a long battle with cancer and wasn't happy or interested about much of anything until Jake. She has extended her life rental agreement now, after all, Jake is but a kid, Maxi has to keep him in line.
From pauper to prince - true nobility revealed
Uh Oh! Judy got got again - meet Dixie
Dixie was tied to a tether for
approximately two years. No vaccinations, no heartworm preventive, very little food and
water - known because Dixie belonged to neighbors of Judy's friend and shelter coworker
Marilyn. As anyone in service to animals can tell you, that while a common thread runs
thru all cases - animal in need - each case is unique and requires special handling.
Volunteer efforts are vital due to the plain fact that most people simply don't care and
are not about to support monetarily or otherwise any changes (as in putting teeth) into
existing animal control/protection laws. That issue is for another feature tho, here are
the hilites of the rest of Dixie's story.
She had two litters Marilyn was aware of and possibly one before that. Marilyn visited
Dixie, bringing food and water almost every day and even bought her a dog house. She had
only a carport for shelter. Marilyn has three dogs of her own which is the limit so she
had been working to find a home while working on the neighbors to let her go. Finally a
Dallas Lab rescue group agreed to take her when they had room. Timing was not great, Dixie
was pregnant again. She would have to be aborted and spayed before Dallas would accept
her. Tether release managed, vet plans continued on schedule - recovery spent at a
boarding kennel owned by another BACCR volunteer. Then, bad timing again. The foster home
waiting for Dixie bailed the day they were set to take her until transportation to Dallas
could be arranged. Judy agreed to take her in. Two weeks later Dallas had room again but
by then Judy couldn't let her go. She fit in with the family too well and Jake was in
love. They wear each other out, giving old Maxi a break to just referee.
Dixie is hyper to a fault which means she can only be on delayed heartworm treatment.
Naturally she has them but at least they won't get any worse. Once she makes up for her
lost freedom and calms down, regular treatment will begin. Update: Great news! It was a
rough go for a while but Dixie is finally clear of heartworms. Healthy as can be, a
never-give-up-the-ball kinda gal.
If you are considering a new
addition to the family, think shelter/rescue first. Scores of breed specific groups
operate all over the country. Background info is sometimes available depending on
circumstance. There's always a slight risk with the unknown but in general, by most
experience, rescues "know" and are grateful and happy to show what great friends
they can be.
Watch for more good news and happy endings in following pages. All stories from individuals and organizations will be considered for publication here and may be eligible for the "Unsung Hero(es)" award.
Graphic courtesy of AllyKhatt@aol.com
Nominate a volunteer (or group) for going that extra mile by sending details to TheRealMartha@Mindspring.com or AltMartha@aol.com.
We like PetsMart too because they run fun promos
to support charities.
Buster da Dude, PetsMart
Star
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
A woman was in the backyard
hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. She could tell
from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house,
he followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he
went to the door, and she let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position
in the hallway and slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, she pinned a note to his collar: "Every
afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. "
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a
home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."
Don't miss the critter links at end of page for more humor and sentiment.
~~~
A Very Weird Thing has HappenedA strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.
She is a very clever old lady. She manages to keep out of sight for the most part but, whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body.
This is very rude.
I have tried
screaming at her to stop it but she just screams back, grimacing horribly.
She is really quite frightening! If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do
is offer to pay a little rent. But, no!
Every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck into a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion but, that is not nearly enough. In fact, I don't want to jump to conclusions but, I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw one hundred dollars and a few days later it is all gone. I certainly don't spend money that fast so I can only conclude that the old lady is pilfering from me. You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream.
Money isn't
the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too.
Especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I just can't seem to keep
that stuff in the house any more. She must really have a sweet tooth but, she better watch
it - she is really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that and to make herself
feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think that I am putting on weight
too.
For an old lady, she really is quite childish though. She likes to play these really nasty
games like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so that they
don't fit. Or messing with my files and papers so that I can't find them. This is
particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with
my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.
She has found imaginative other ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier, and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
Further more,
she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids
making it almost impossible for me to open them.
Is this any way to repay my hospitality? I don't even get any respite at night - more than
once her snoring has awakened me. It is very unattractive! And as if that weren't bad
enough, she is no longer confining her tactics to the house.
She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the same exact outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit, plus she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me! Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me? She is walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I will have her put away!
But then, on
second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty, think I will check with the IRS and see if
I can claim her as a dependent. Uh oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because
she is always on my computer too.
Author unknown
If the broom fits ... excerpts from my Halloween pages
Why are most monsters covered in
wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
That one just killed me - possibly I need to get out more often.
A handy curse to know about should the need arise ... found on the Pagan Table
list. Specifically, it's for hushing gossips but it occurred to me certain other
bothersome types might be benefited ;-)
On a sheet of paper write the names of those who are gossiping about you. Make a recipe of
bread dough. Pinch off enough to make a small loaf. Tuck the paper inside the loaf and
bake. Leave the bread intact outside for the birds. As they pick it apart, the ones who
are picking you apart will stop. Origin note: passed along by a Russian granny.
I happened to have a friend who was having a real problem with someone at the time so I
sent the recipe to her - her reply, "Cool - can I use the dough in the tube for
rolls, ya think?" Had to send that to the list. Moderator Arwen's reply, "Sure
... if it's the Pillsbury Dough Boy! LOL ... why not! This was a hoot!" She also gave
me a new Less-than-Fiver! Find it on this Halloween page.
He had to Stir the Pot
And he burned it too. Ok, it was a full moon. The
first mistake was accepting the grocery shopping offer. Extenuating circumstances involved
the state of the checkbooks, oddball working hours and a case of seafood deprivation
(his).
Fish is brain food ... so sorry, tiny shrimp caused a complete
breakdown of the gray cells. Something smelled sooooo good as I came in the door. The chef
was napping soundly in his chair. Thoughts of - too cool, a little nappy for me, danced
through my head. But it was alive.
"Try some - my creation."
"What's in it?"
"Just try it."
Repeating the above about six times wore me down.
"It's not bad, need to die for a few minutes ... "
"But did you really like it?"
"It wasn't awful."
"Have some more."
"I'm full."
"But did you really like it ... I forgot the sausage and I couldn't find the
seasoning stuff I usually use."
It would not have mattered what he used, it was a tainted pot. The teeniest
shrimp I have ever seen were floating in there, innocently unaware of my serious prejudice
toward seafood - shrimp in particular. Shrimp is bait - 'nuff said.
Incidentally, should you ever care to experience a new definition of popcorn shrimp, try
putting any live ones left over from a day at sea into a pot of water and turn on the
heat. Those buggers were flying so fast I missed one that landed behind the dish drainer.
Two days later ... oh the stink! YECCH.
Get Thee to a Pit
And stay out of my kitchen! If men would confine themselves
to the barbecue pit, life in general would be so much more civilized and sane.
The male propensity for free-will creation - construction/destruction syndrome - has been
a fascinating study.
The ex, in true mad scientist form, was able to build a startlingly realistic backdrop for
sequels to "The Chili Blob" faster than you can say union wages. I've since
learned that no man is truly satisfied until the finale has involved every pan and utensil
in the house.
Before I am accused of bashing here (I have five pages for that:
http://www.therealmartha.com/manathome/index.html)
- it's not that I haven't learned a few things from the species, they do what they do very
well. But, they need to do it out there.
And not steal stuff ... husband #1 used a brand new Baker's Secret roasting pan for an oil
change. It was a gift from an aunt who evidently was expecting a metamorphosis. At the
time I had no intention of using it, we're talking principals here.
Lots of wedding presents found their way into the garage. Men have no regard for the
sanctity of a matched set of towels either.
I will always be in awe of the magnitude of intestinal fortitude displayed by a friend who
allowed her husband to live after he sold her Tupperware collection. The curse for
condemnation he deserved does not exist. An accidental meltdown or other mutilation is
cause enough for trauma - selling - despicable! He might as well have thrown in one of the
kids as part of the deal.
Another husband was forever butchering the Silverstone with metal utensils. He did a fine
job on a decorative cutting board too by actually using it. Banned from that activity, he
carved a new pattern in the counter top. Even better - the red hot Western effect achieved
by branding with the broiling pan.
I already have a gift in mind for a friend's son's bride whoever the unsuspecting victim
turns out to be. The innocence of youth - no clue how long it takes to develop a working
relationship with that one special potato peeler. The young man was doing some carpentry
work for me and needed something to sharpen his pencil.
His mother gave me permission to kill him upon completion of the job.
From More Halloween.
Any
Woman's Ultimate Fantasy
Two men at once ... one cooking, the other cleaning. See Man at Home - friendly bashers
Club Domainatrix
It's about links not kinks - little bit o' word play for fun. Just can't help myself sometimes ...
Logo
courtesy of
Caricatures by Rina
I (Martha - The Real Martha, a.k.a. Queen Can-ivore, a.k.a. MsAtte2ude, a.k.a. AltMartha) will check out your site for potential inclusion on the link list as an endorsed stopover. I loathe typos (tho fully acknowledged as inevitabilities) and politics, other than that (or boring presentation), as long as site contains no porn, animal or child abuse ... you're in.
There are no other rules, although anyone who would care to establish an on-site link page would be most welcome to do so.
My apologies if your site is on a freebie server. This group serves to sanction women (men, see pet auxiliary opportunity info on club page) who invest the considerable amount it takes to obtain/maintain a domain.
All are invited to participate in published review potential. More info on Club Domainatrix page. Personal URLs will be posted, however it is not required that you have a page - any enthusiastic surfer is welcome.
~~~
Have always loved this - sorta says it all.
And so does Mr. Blue Bird.
This little guy is the official mascot of my cooking pages (links listed end of page).
Courtesy of GranGran, a.k.a. Shirley, who also created a lot of the signs used on this page - lots more clever stuff available.
"Yes, I'm very aware that this is not the way birds fly, but I was so excited to make this little fella do anything - he's my very first animated gif."
I thought that was a very cool attitude so I asked if I could borrow him. What better representation - we all gotta fall on our face more than a few times before any real progress is made. Nowhere is that more true than in the kitchen. I'm all for positive thinking, great expectations and all that rah rah, however, facts is facts :)
Go see Shirley's pages - Gran
Gran's This and That - the link is also on
Cats PJs Award page
Cats PJs is unique to my knowledge. It's an award available for anyone to offer to pages they judge entertaining and worthwhile. More info on PJs page - pick up your copy of the award and get out there to spread a little joy and recognition for a job well done. BTW, if you've never heard the expression "This is the cat's pajamas" - basically it means "right on, way cool."
I enjoyed your site, great concept, and one that all cooks use even if
we don't always admit to it. I would love to exchange links with you. Check out my site
at:
http://www.angelfire.com/on/VideoPhotoAlbum/Recipes.html
Let me know if you want to exchange, I'll use text or if you have a graphic I'll use it for the link back. I hope we'll soon be sending hits to each other's site along with helping each other's rating with the search engines.
Tim Everhart's "Down Home Southern Cooking (at its best)"
Check Tim's place out, mmmmmmmmmmmm, can't wait to try
Creamy Fried Tomatoes
6 large, ripe tomatoes
1 Tbsp. flour
3/4 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. pepper
1/4 cup butter
2 Tbsp. flour
1 ½ cup milk
3/4 tsp. salt
1 ½ tsp. sugar
3/4 thick steak sauce
1 ½ tsp. prepared mustard
Cut off top and bottom of the tomatoes, then slice in half crosswise. Combine 1 Tbsp.
flour, 3/4 tsp. salt, and pepper; sprinkle over tomato halves. Melt the butter in a
skillet, sauté tomatoes until barely tender. Place 10 halves on a heated platter. Mash
the two halves left in the skillet and remove the skins. Stir in the 2 Tbsp. of flour,
then the milk and the rest of the ingredients. Cook slowly until creamy and pour over the
tomatoes.
Don't miss Tim's link page, featuring a variety of more than 140
superior cooking sites.
http://www.angelfire.com/on/VideoPhotoAlbum/links.html
I am the Cowpunkmom. My site isn't just about simplicity in recipes, but I do think life is too short to spend wallowing through a three page recipe ... my recipes are in the Miscellaneous section of my site for now. Check them out ... if you like them and want to link to me, I will happily link to you as well! (You click my link, I'll click yours ... ) Check out the simple recipes (and much, much more) at http://www.geocities.com/cowpunkmom/
Re: StewRat logos - Those are hilarious - can't you get sued for slander?
Ah, if only ... 'Tis a truly delightful dream.
Header: OMG, you are too funny - I am going to try to be serious here ... I do love your site, very well written.
Check out recipes.alastra.com, go to misc. foods and look under weird. There is a recipe about three fourths the way down using Twinkies and tuna. Yum, Judy
Yum, that provolone chicken thing sounds tasty - and easy. And re: invitation to join Club Domainatrix (it's about links, not kinks - little word play) - Sure, I'll have a link, www.Woogly.Com - Home of Out of My Mind by a woman known only as Uncle Aussie and What HO! Another Logic Challenge! Thank you mucho!
Aussie is a daily hoot, find excerpts of her musings all around this place. Meet Aussie and other long-time web buddies, up close and personal - Web Celeb Interviews - food-related secrets revealed.
~~~
This pic deserves an award - Rusty and Squeaky - nobody told them they couldn't be friends. Kinda does the heart good.
~~~
The day the world decides to beat a path to my
door - ain't no doubt - I'll be in the bathroom.
The only difference
between a rut and a grave is the depth.
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter, go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.
Make short-stemmed flowers taller. Slide stems into soda straws
before arranging them in an opaque vase.
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." Phyllis Diller
"People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of
a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving
woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman." Erma Bombeck
If a man speaks in the forest, is he still wrong?
The fact is, if men would learn to listen, they might accidentally learn something and women wouldn't have to repeat themselves. Check out a Tale of the 2000 Words.
After careful consideration and endless debate,
The Perfect Man has finally been named ...
Mr. Potato Head
He's colorful, he's cute, he knows the importance of accessorizing, and if he looks at
another girl, you can rearrange his face.
A Few More Thoughts on Men
Not all men are annoying, some of them are dead.
Unfortunately, no name was available to attach to those words of wisdom. I am happy to credit Mr. Paul Smartass Hawkins of Kansas City, a very old friend, with a rebuttal, "All women are annoying ... even the dead ones ... especially Carry Nation."
~~~
Every
Woman Should have ...
One old love she can imagine going back to ... and one who reminds her how far she has
come ...
Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never
wants to and needs to ...
Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an
hour ...
A youth she's content to leave behind ...
A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age ...
A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra ...
One friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry ...
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family ...
Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her
guests feel honored ...
A feeling of control over her destiny ...
Every woman
should know ...
How to fall in love without losing herself ...
How to quit a job, break up with a
lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship ...
When to try harder ... and when to walk away ...
That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of
her parents ...
That her childhood may not have been perfect ... but it's over ...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more ...
How to live alone ... even if she doesn't like it ...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally ...
Where to go ... be it to her best friend's kitchen table ... or a charming inn in the
woods ... when her soul needs soothing...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day ... a month ... and a year ...
My
face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.
I think I might never put my glasses back on.
From the Havasu Free Press, sadly now defunct. Lake pollution caused by a number of factors kept tourists away, we lost advertisers who were going broke. However for the few years we were up and running we had fun. A lot of aggravation and worry about paying the bills and ourselves for working our butts off but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. We did serious to about as far off the wall we could go without leaving the planet. Didn't have to leave, the aliens came to us. Yep, eventually every big shot in town confessed his true status once that trend started - wilder than wild.
Lake Havasu City, AZ is the American home of one of the London Bridges. Yes there were several. Don't spread it around tho, far be it from me to ruin an image. The bridge was only about 30 feet from my office window. Working past dark often conjured images of Jack the Ripper - very spooky indeed.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. All unforgettable, I did whatever and was whoever was needed for whatever at any given time. I'll be digging thru the archives and introducing Officer Cheeky's cohorts along the way - hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
~~~
Dogs'
Letters to God
Translated by Mark Bricklin
Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are
their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a
cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own
model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like musk! What's he been
rolling around in?
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on- ramps?
If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers,
beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight paths. What do
humans understand?
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and
stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds
what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So,
I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they pour fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own
blessing?
I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the cats here
have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my
self-esteem.
The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family
might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of
smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does Petsmart sell lie detectors?
Recipes for High Voltage Hair Color
John Masters of John Masters Salon in
New York City recommends all-natural ingredients to enhance hair color. Start with one to
two tablespoons thick conditioner, then mix in ¼ cup of any of the color brighteners
below. Leave on 20 minutes, then rinse out. You'll get excellent conditioning, plus a
glossy residue of color.
Blondes, mix ½ cup each lemon juice and chamomile tea (cooled.)
Redheads, mix in ½ cup each strawberries and beets in a blender.
Brunettes, mix in ½ cup each beets and blueberries in a blender.
Black Hair, mix in ½ cup blueberries and 2 Tbls. red grape juice in a blender.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and
better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
Whilst we are in the bathroom ... this is a tip for saving the next patron from potential gross-out ... leave a box of matches in plain sight. Label it gas extinguisher. One of these days I'm going to cross-stitch that on a little bag to hang on the door knob or wall.
One more for the sake of clean and bright, if your toilet brush ain't doin' the job, use a stiff-bristle dish brush.
~~~
Puppy Pie
Take one puppy, roll and play until lightly pampered, then add the
following ingredients ...
1 cup patience ...
1 cup understanding ...
1 pinch correction ...
1 cup hard work ...
2 cups praise and
1 ½ cups fun ...
Blend well. Heat with warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled in size. Mix until consistency is such that human and dog are one.
"Thou Shalt not Skim Flavor from the Holidays"
by Craig Wilson, USA TODAY
I hate this time of year. Not for its
crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police
come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays
without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday
eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made
with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite
childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A
carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating.
I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to
New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.
In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year
but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if
you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not
stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.
Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If
it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The
whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of
it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that
in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll
need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat
of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas
cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have
as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. Don't leave them behind.
You're not going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to
have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from
the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry!
Cookie-less January is just around the corner.
A Two
Pots Tale
A water bearer in India had two
large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the
pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full
portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the
cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half
pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was
ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of
what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer
one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because
this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house.
Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from
your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said,
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along
the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the
beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end
of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it
apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side
of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about
your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walked back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I
have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you
being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks
and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them.
There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in us! Blessed are the flexible,
for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it
- if it hadn't been for the crackpots in my life, it would have been pretty boring and not
so interesting...
Thank you for being my crackpot friends.
Author unknown
I am presenting the following exactly the way it came to me Sunday, December 17, 2000 12:33 PM. I don't do chains. For those who do, feel free to copy and carry on. The content is well worth a think on.
This is what The Dalai Lama has to say on the millennium, which begins 01/01/2001. All it takes is a few seconds to read and think about. Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise. This is true even if you are not superstitious.
Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama:
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise (this is true even if you are not superstitious) if you send it to:
0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.
15 people and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
So, there ya go - knock yourself out -
only don't send back to me.
Rexanne's online Valentine is chock-full of goodies. Gifts,
flowers and candy, kid links, graphics, cards, food and links to other great Valentine
sites.
Remember, order flowers in advance to insure Valentine's Day delivery!
"Love is that condition in which
the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Robert A. Heinlein
"If you have a ‘new love’ going on in your house, try to deal with it
graciously. :-) Kids are gonna grow up and have relationships. It’s a scary thought
but it will happen. Reality is what it is ... an OMG moment but a lot of fun if you just
go with it. Tried telling this to my husband ... he ain't buying. He wants to shoot any
boy who looks twice at our daughters. LOL!"
"I've been searching and surfing into the wee hours to bring you the best Valentine sites and goodies I could find. Consider it my way of Spreading a Little Love on the Toast of Life!"
All of
Rexanne's holiday pages are the best first-stop out there.
Rexanne's Web Review, Web Sites & Insights,
features Parenting and Family Topic of the Week, Weekly Time Waster, Food and Cooking
Site(s), Kid's Site, Tips and Tricks, Freebies, Featured Home Page, archives and links
one. Outstanding read even if you don't have any two-legged critters at home.
Tips Sampler
To remove a bandage from a child's skin, soak a cotton ball with baby or mineral oil and rub it gently over the outer edges of the bandage. It will lift off easily without hurting.
If your kids have left crayon marks on the table tops or walls, use a damp cloth dipped in dry baking soda to remove the stains.
www.Rexanne.com
and
Rexanne's Page for Parents
For All the Babies and Kids in the World ... Loving everyone's child creates magic.
Check Rexanne's humor pages - Rules for Dating My Daughter and Pregnancy Advice Column especially.
More Kid Stuff ... from "Domestricks"
Family time will be even more fun with "Traveling Story." One person is picked to start a lavish tale. A timer can be set for a couple of minutes or more, but it's really up to you. After a certain amount of time (minutes is really best) the person speaking points to another and that person has to pick up the story and "make it his/her own." Just continue until every person has had a chance to tell a story or stop whenever you feel like it. I used to play this game with my friends growing up and families can have a blast playing this game.
Grab Bag
Save bathroom tissue rolls and use them
for Valentine's Day; Put candy or little toys inside the tube and wrap with a piece of
tissue paper to make it look like a fire cracker. The kids may like giving these to
friends instead of cards!
I had find a use for the checkbook boxes that I've been throwing out for years! A fellow
Domestrician sent me this great tip that I started to use immediately! They are the
perfect size to store coupons for the grocery store and/or receipts in one.
To keep a screwdriver from slipping out of the slot in the screw, rub a piece of chalk over the blade a couple of times.
Visit www.domestricks.com - click on subscribe.
More Free Newsletters
CreativeHomeMoney free newsletter will give you ideas and help for making money from home or saving money. Each week, we will have reader's questions and answers and an article about making money or saving money. Subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to: CreativeHomeMoney-subscribe@egroups.com Click here to go to the archives
Join any other fun and informative e-zines and get answers to your homemaking, gardening or money questions! Our readers are sure to have an answer for you. One informative article is also included in each issue. For more information, go to: http://www.geocities.com/plantldy.geo or send a blank e-mail to the appropriate address to join: CreativeHome- subscribe@egroups.com CreativeGardening - subscribe@egroups.com
Celebrate the joys, battle the
turmoils ... it's everyday life with the real people of Homefront. Food, home, garden,
career, health, and more. http://fromthehomefront.com
or subscribe free
via email mailto:headlines-on@mail-list.com
Creative Homemaking Recipe
of the Week Club
Editor/Publisher: Rachel Paxton
http://www.creativehomemaking.com
Join our Recipe of the Week Club by sending a blank e-mail message
to mailto:FreeRecipes-subscribe@egroups.com
The Dollar Stretcher
http://www.stretcher.com
The Frugal Life
http://www.thefrugallife.com
The above two always have good, practical money-saving ideas. Subscribe on site.
The PUBlication
LadeLade@aol.com
Wide subject range, including opinion forum - request sample.
Happy Thoughts
jsattele@aol.com
Variety, focus on inspirational - request sample.
DreamLovers
DreamLoversMail@aol.com
Poems, jokes, recipes, lotsa links and more - request sample.
TexasJayne@aol.com
Creator of "Made With Love" Recipe Newsletter, "Jayne's Jokes" and
"Soaring Spirits. Request samples, with or without graphics.
Welcome to The Flamingo
Times, a weekly newsletter! Published weekly on Thursdays, give or take a day. Mailed
by request to anyone who loves good cooking, fun, and a laugh here and there. You can read
The Flamingo Times online at:
http://members.wbs.net/homepages/j/w/h/jwhanley/ft.htm
Cool Tricks and Trinkets
Newsletter
offering weekly insights into new, cool, useful, fun, unusual and interesting sites on the
Internet. Subscribe:
mailto:cool-tricks-join-request@list.adventive.com
Subscribe to I'm Not Martha (She's Lizzy) Free! Send a blank email to: http://www.shagmail.com/sub/notmartha.html
Ever dream of entertaining and decorating like Martha Stewart ... only to come to the
realization - I'm Not Martha! With this fun, entertaining and informative newsletter you
will learn quick and easy tips to you can use to make your house a home.
Mommie Mail
Variety for all Mommies and Waiting-to-Be-Mommies
Request sample: Mommiemail@aol.com
Calendar Confusion?
from Mommie Mail
Trying to organize and follow all family members' activities can be frustrating,
especially with children's schedules. Use this easy hint to track everything: Get a
different color pen for each family member. On your calendar, write each person's
activities in his or her designated color. For family events, use one specific or
different color. Copyright 2001 Heloise, Inc.
Gold Rush
TJinIOWA@aol.com
Variety entertainment and info - request sample.
Winter Wolf Weekly
D34CAV@aol.com
Variety - jokes, food for thought, inspiration - request sample.
TigersRecipes4U@aol.com
Readers submit different versions to fill recipe requests - tips on where to buy
special ingredients as well as other tips. Always lotsa good stuff.
DragonsKitchen@aol.com
Always good stuff here too - from easy, quick to gourmet - reader contributions and
more.
Hillbilly Corn Recipes
Great tips, not necessarily country recipes from
AngelSftEyz@aol.com
K9WebWorld
The e-zine for dog lovers
K9WebWorld@aol.com
MicHappy's Funny
Express
See why we keep the world smiling!
MicHappy@aol.com
Request samples of the above.
And Ta Da!
A sample of a fine site recommendation newsletter - the man obviously has impeccable taste (*.~)
Subj:
SdJotD (010211) - AltMartha's Easy Recipes
Date: 02/10/2001 11:23:37 PM Central Standard Time
From: ejp@peganet.com (Edward J. Pelegrino)
To: sdjotd@free.polbox.pl
Site du Jour of the Day (010211)
February 11, 2001
AltMartha's Easy Recipes
http://therealmartha.com/
also available in these fine flavors
AltMartha's Easy Recipes (AOL splash page)
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/easyrecipes.index.html
Diary of a Mad Politically Incorrect Cook
http://members.aol.com/msatte2ude/diarymadpicook.index.html
Martha Jones
Saint Louis, Missouri, USA
If your idea of cooking preparation is rounding up that stack of carry-out menus and
deciding if it's Chicken-In-A-Hurry or Curry-On-A-Stick, then AltMartha's Easy Recipes is
worth a look. An odd collection of pages that takes the mystery out of cooking, suggested
a while back by Martha (sorry it took so long). Forget about measuring stuff, Martha
provides the encouragement and instructions just vague enough to have you thinking about
hiring assistants like they have on those television cooking shows. When you are in the
kitchen, it's your own thing. Make it up, call the results whatever you would like. If
guests or the family are hungry enough it really doesn't matter. Let them eat something
later - you've done your best. Martha's recipe for a restaurant favorite from the
Inventions and Adjustments section http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/Inventions.index.html
reflects the casual feel of the site and is included below:
Twice-Baked Potatoes
Another thing I looked all over for, just checking you understand, every recipe I found
used sour cream instead of cottage cheese - all I can say is each to their own. Bake
potatoes (the oblong brown ones) until when squeezed (use a potholder) they
"give." Bakers also start "singing" when they're done.
Cut in half the long way and scoop out the innards leaving enough around the edges for
support. Mix with a ton of butter, cheese of choice and whatever else sounds good like
onions or bacon. Pile back in the skins and bake a few minutes until a light browning
occurs. If you have some paprika handy to sprinkle on, it's pretty but not essential to
taste.
Navigation of AltMartha's Easy Recipes is exciting to say the least, an entertaining site
that may be best viewed while you are hungry. There's a book available too, it's called
"Holiday Lifestyles of the Culinarily Inept". Current US pricing is only $6.
(includes postage) and it looks like a bargain.
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/buythebook.index.html
Ed
I'll be happy to list your free newsletter here if you'll use this link in your publication. What goes around, comes around.
°»^«°»^«°»^«°»^«°»^«°»^«°»^«°»^«°
Petitions
Your signature will make a difference - costs you nothing but a few minutes.
Both of the above issues are
a big deal to me. I hate chains or any group mailings but I do my best to circulate things
like this. Please make a copy to send to friends and take a minute to sign. If you can't
do it now, save someplace to remind you later.
I had no idea how bad the puppy mill situation was until I got on the 'net
- even with all my shelter work some years ago. Horrendous conditions
promote disease and genetic deformities. The stories I've read about pet store puppies'
problems are heart breaking. Do your best to educate. Most people just don't know any
better. You can also avoid buying anything in a store that handles animals.
The gas chamber is gruesome and barbaric, injection is as close to humane as killing ever
will be. Thousands of homeless animals suffer each day - which is how it will be until the
public becomes aware of how serious the overpopulation problem is. There will always be
idiots who don't give a sh*t - more reason for those of who do to act on issues when we
can. At least, we owe the innocent a peaceful death.
Didn't really mean to get into a sermonizing but that's how how I am. One person can only do so much but every little bit helps and you'll feel good about doing it.
www.PetitionOnline.com is a free online petition service. I will be happy to list your petition link here - need not be pet-related.
Bottom line is spay/neuter education. Fight the fight, anytime, anywhere, with anybody. Most issues have valid arguments on both sides. Not here, only professionals breeders who work to promote the betterment of breeds have any business being in the business. BTW, the good ones aren't doing it for money, they do it for love.
Here's some great ammunition ...
Spay/Neuter Myth Busting
by Miss Liberty, M.E. (Mutt Extraordinaire)
One litter will calm her down.
~ Sure, ask any female. Surrounded by a pack of whining brats? There's the ideal state of bliss.It'll make them fat/lazy. ~ Animals get fat the same way people do, too much food and not enough exercise. Lazy ... maybe ... more like contented to hang around the old homestead instead of looking for love in all the wrong places.
Children should see the wonder of birth. ~ Picture this: a beloved pet eating an offspring. Even under perfect circumstances there'll be blood and guts all over the place - that's a guarantee.
Every surgery has risks. ~ Every surgery does have risks, but no more for animals than humans.
Cutting causes cancer. ~ It is human nature to believe the worst, and the ridiculous. Those who prefer to rely on statistical facts know that the incidence of cancer (and a wide variety of infection and other problems) in unaltered animals is incredibly high - almost another one of those lovely guarantees.
It's so expensive. ~ It's always money with people isn't it? "Fixing" an animal that isn't broken is a whole lot cheaper than damage repair. Animals at the mercy of their hormones do not look twice before crossing the street - very messy that asphalt rash. Some very good friends finally got the money message after their female nearly killed a neighbor's dog. It wasn't the first time she'd become aggressive either. The whole story is very sad and all too typical - one of those "gotta have a pup to carry on after the old man is gone." Quite impressive bloodlines on both sides actually, the rest of the litter would have sold easily. Naturally, nothing ever happened. The worst part is the old guy did develop testicular cancer and it had spread before it was discovered.
That about covers the usual ... I hope I've made my point. There is absolutely no good reason not to be a responsible caretaker and every good reason to do your part to curb overpopulation. Don't think for one minute that you're off the hook because your best friend is male either - those girls aren't out there getting pregnant all by themselves.
Fifi may be so lovable and cute you think you'd have no problem finding homes ... think again. Identical reproduction is genetically impossible and you may just get a throw back to an old weird Uncle Harold. I'm not talking just mutts here - accidents happen in the "best" of families.
Get with the program!
Non-gender specific is cool - spread the word.
Feel free to reprint and distribute. Copy and paste to fit individual format (newsletters, flyers) if necessary. No byline is required - Lib is not particularly vain ... however, you are to use her photo (notice the press badge) and bio below.
Miss Liberty was born in
Florida. Mother was a cock-a-poo, father was a traveling man. The litter of six was dumped
at three weeks old after mother was hit by a car, "Too much trouble." Only three
of the pups survived until a foster mother was found. She was a large dog requiring a
large run that had wide bars. No one expected any escapes, but once little Poo Poo put on
a good feed, she was off to see the world. "That nursery stuff was boring, I wanted
to be where the action was." It's a wonder she didn't fall down a drain hole or end
up as a snack. She was captured during a secret cruise by an animal control officer making
a midnight drop-off.
She went on to become a news hound, traveling the country as a good will ambassador,
making guest speaking appearances and selling kisses for spay/neuter funding.
~~~
~~~~
You can tell if your cat has a problem by asking yourself the following questions:
Does your cat sleep 22 hours a day, and then spend the other two hours in non-stop eating?
Does your cat take frequent naps in annoying places, such as in the center of the dinner table, in the kitchen sink, or on top of your favorite, freshly cleaned (especially of cat hair) bedspread?
Is he selfish? Conceited? Arrogant? Aloof? Insensitive?
Does your cat tear down holiday decorations?
Does he perceive himself to be sole owner of all property?
Does he often show disdain for your taste?
Does he act as if you are an embarrassment to him?
If you answered "yes" to most of these questions ... relax, your cat is normal.
~~~
Cat Dictionary
Miaowbu: Feed me! Meeow: Pet me! Mrooww: I love you. Miioo-oo-oo: I must meet my betrothed. Don't wait up. Mrow: I feel like making noise. Rrrow-mawww: The time has come to tidy the cat box. Rrow-miawww: I have remedied the cat box untidiness. Miaowmiaow: Play with me! Miaowmioaw: Notice: shortage of cat toys in this room. Mow: Snuggling is a good idea. Moww: Shedding is a pretty good idea, too. Mraakk!: Oh, small bird! Please come over here. Mreoao: Room service, send up another can of tuna. Mreeeow: Do you serve catnip with that?
Courtesy of MinkyKatsKorner@aol.com - variety of goodies, not all cat stuff. Request sample.
There were more of these but the long lines wouldn't break right.
~~~
To my dog(s): How do I love thee? Let me count the ways ...
1. I love thee agreeably - enough to let
your stinky doghide on the bed after a run through damp leaves, mud and slug infested
gardens.
2. I love thee steadfastly - enough to devote a year to raising you from a wobbly
speck into a strong healthy adult (who promptly attempts to seize control).
3. I love thee passionately - despite your repeated efforts to probe my ears, eyes
and mouth with the same tongue you use for various other atrocities.
4. I love thee well - despite the amazing odors you produce. (See Toot-Toot from Buster.)
5. I love thee deeply - though you use me as a napkin at every opportunity.
6. I love thee madly - despite the various bodily functions you have performed at
inappropriate moments - in inappropriate places.
7. I love thee constantly - despite the dog "bladder curfew" I have lived
by for many years.
8. I love thee truly - despite the "doggie landmines" hidden in the grass.
9. I love thee absolutely - because you never (well, hardly ever) hog the
remote control.
10. I love thee gratefully - because you stay by my side (or on my side).
11. I love thee devotedly - more than clean carpeting, clothing, furniture, floors or
walls.
12. I love thee bravely - enough to battle the indomitable flea on your behalf.
13. I love thee monetarily - enough to put the vet's children through college.
14. I love thee openly - I will bear any embarrassment for your furry sake.
15. I love thee totally - more than free time, excess cash or a predictable life.
~~~
Kids are Dogs, Teens are Cats 
Author Unknown
I just realized that while children are dogs ... loyal and affectionate ... teenagers are cats.
It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it
to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of
dogging your doorstep, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry ... then
it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever
you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture,
it twists away from you then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it
has seen you before.
You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
Only now
you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of
the desired result. Call it and it runs away. Tell it to sit and it jumps on the counter.
The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner.
Put a dish of food near the door and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs
your help and your affection too. Sit still and it will come, seeking that warm,
comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.
One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say,
"You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you."
Then
you'll realize your cat is a dog again.
~~~
~~~
Change
Change is inevitable
Sometimes unclear
It can be uncomfortable
Goes hand in hand with fear.
Fear of failure or
Fear of rejection,
There's no guarantees
No protection.
Fear of mistakes,
Fear of the unknown,
What you reap
Is what you've sown.
Yes, change will happen
It will take place,
Face the fears
You control the pace.
Winners are changers.
They take it in stages,
Carve out your future and
Welcome the changes.
by James B. Yates
~~~~
Friend
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
And then there's a slightly different definition ...
When you are sad, I will get you
drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are scared I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit
complaining.
When you are confused I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
And when you are lost I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.
When you are sick I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god.
When you fall I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, I pledge till the end.
~~~~
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. Then why can't cats hear when you yell at them to get off the counter?????The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
Benefits of growing older: Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
~~~~
Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus.
Apologies to those who take this type of thing too seriously.
Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence ...
Three proofs that Jesus was Mexican
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was bilingual.
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.
But then there were equally good arguments that ...
Jesus was Black
1. He called everybody "brother."
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were equally good arguments that ...
Jesus was Irish
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But then there were equally good arguments that ...
Jesus was Jewish
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God.
But then there were equally good arguments that ...
Jesus was Italian
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were equally good arguments that ...
Jesus was a Californian
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He started a new religion.
But perhaps the most compelling evidence ...
Three proofs that Jesus was a woman ...
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice.
2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
Thanks Jane :)
Outside Linkers
Gift Ideas for Teen Girls
http://www.creativehomemaking.com/articles/030901a.shtml
Dogs Help us Eat Better
http://sneakykitchen.com/Ideas/dogs.htm
Cool Women Nominations
http://www.romanceclassics.com/cw/cwf.html
Bitchin' Bertha - Free Online
Cards and Anonymous E-mail
http://www.bitchinbertha.com/
Cowpunkmom's House of Hats
http://www.geocities.com/cowpunkmom/Miscellaneous.html
"I wear a lot of hats, but don't we all? One of the challenges in life is to
know how many hats will fit in our closet, which ones are too old and need to be dumped,
and when to buy a new one just to keep life interesting. Here's what is in my closet - I
hope you find it encouraging!"
The miscellaneous page offers Recipes Gestalt, guidelines are simple: a handful of ingredients, even fewer instructions, and a resulting dish that surpasses the sum of its ingredients ... Gestalt!
RAD
http://www.raisingadaughter.com/
Find and vote for faves.
Vote for me
###
soon and often, there'll be lots more ...
Forward to: Bits, Brights and Little Goodies
Back to: Main Index - The Whole
Shebang
includes graphics credits
New! Classy-fieds, Links I Like and more
At any given time mail is liable to evaporate - please choose one aol addy and also send copy to Mindspring to almost guarantee delivery. IF I'm online - which has been a big problem lately - I will acknowledge receipt within two days. If you don't hear from me, please try again. Also please use a recognizable subject line (Bright Spots, recipe, tip) Thanks for your patience and cooperation. Don't forget to bookmark!
~~~
Hot Tip: You can register this page with Mind It to receive auto e-mail notification when additions are made. They tend to be a bit slow tho so bookmark and check back often - see ya soon.
I am frequently asked about a mailing list. Based on the Murphys I've watched my friends who use outside services suffer, thanks but no thanks. However, I have established the screen name SendNewPage@aol.com so that you can send me an E, subject line: whichever pages you want to be notified about. Recipes, Bright Spots, critter stuff, etc., all I've to do is drag in the link and shoot it back to you - slick eh? Been working pretty well actually. Do it now before you forget.
Dig around the rest of the rock pile ...
http://therealmartha.com/ (a.k.a Queen Can-ivore) Real easy recipes for real busy people -taste that's spiffy in a jiffy!
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/easyrecipes.index.html Queen C's Can-tagious Can Cuisine
http://members.aol.com/msatte2ude/diarymadpicook.index.html Diary of a Mad Politically Incorrect Cook
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/FDintro.index.html Feeder's Digest
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/BubbaGourmet.index.html Bubba Gourmet
You might be a redneck if your salad bowls are often labeled Cool Whip. I'm busted ... jes call me Bubbette. Hey now, never underestimate the freebie bowl. Excellent "domes" for nuking, as are cottage cheese containers and plastic casserole dishes, trays and the like from frozen kwee-zine. I've also recently taken to using ice cream carton lids as lil' snack plates, they also do quite well as spoon rests. Individual pudding cups have millions of uses too - just the right au jus or marinade dip size; strategically placed candy filled by computer, TV or bedside; crafts - material sorters (beads or whatever), embroidery floss, for small amounts of paint or glue; chip dip limit restriction, oddball catchalls ...
It's a sin to throw out a peanut butter jar, or any other with a plastic lid. Great for making tea (and sometimes drinking from - I refuse to run the dishwasher unless it's jam-packed); storing M&Ms and such (easy "drinkin'" 'em ya know) - the list goes on.
One more sign ... using the ironing board as a buffet - well, whut else?
Lemme know what sorta stuff y'all do ;-)
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/sideintro.index.html Side Introduction
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/VotGpart1.index.html Vittles on the Go
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/trueconfessions.index.html True Confessions, featuring Sin-in-a-Pan.
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/transmogrifications.index.html Food that does something.
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/copypaste.index.html The Copy and Paste Thing, how to print part of page (just one recipe).
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/breadindex.html Bread, more about the home grown garlic trick and 3-ingredient Killer Beer Bread.
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/Siteindex.index.html Site Index
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/dedication.index.html Dedication page
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/credentialsindex.html My ... ahem ... credentials
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/mud.index.html My Game was Mud, the rest of the story.
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/Shivermetimbers.index.html Shiver Me Timbers, Popeye's been living a lie
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/gravy.index.html No Guts, No Gravy
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/SpudswithChops.index.html The Spuds and Chops Thang
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/hotlist.index.html LTFers Hot List
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/hintsindex.html Hints
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/eggments.index.html Eggments
http://therealmartha.home.mindspring.com/
Grand Opening at the new place a.k.a.
the Escape from aol Hell.
http://www.therealmartha.com/indexgraphiccr/default.htm
New Site Index/Graphics Credits
http://www.therealmartha.com/catchall/index.htm Catch All Series begins.
http://www.therealmartha.com/Web%20Celeb%20Interviews/index.htm
Web Celebs - Up close and personal with fave Web personalities who reveal their food
related secrets.
http://www.therealmartha.com/Granny_Greetings/index.htm
A collection of oldie-goldies, memories, original compositions and personal tributes
http://www.therealmartha.com/muddygoodshow/index.htm Muddy Good Show, superior content awards available, for newsletters and sites.
http://www.therealmartha.com/editingetc/index.htm
Editing, Etc. - when you need a little help sharpening your image - web pages,
personal correspondence, necessary, naughty or nice.
Critter speak:
http://members.aol.com/Libbyk9/index.html
Dog's Eye View, hosted by Miss Liberty, M.E. (Mutt Extraordinaire)
http://www.therealmartha.com/toottoot/index.htm Toot-Toot from Buster
http://www.therealmartha.com/justmydog/index.htm Just my Dog, a must read - appreciation that (s)he's not just a dog.
http://members.aol.com/Libbyk9/Whiz.index.html The International Courtesy Whiz Exchange - charter memberships still available.
http://members.aol.com/Libbyk9/Morefavoritesites.index.html More Favorite Critter Sites
Those are only the main section headers ... lots more stuff in between.
( )__) In cans I trust,
Don't forget ...
I need your input - contributions, suggestions, cheers or jeers - reader feedback makes for the best possible publication. Shoot me an E right now.
At any given time mail is liable to evaporate - please choose one aol addy and also send copy to Mindspring to almost guarantee delivery.
###
Spread
the smiles and wisdom ... send this page to a friend - aolers, do the drag heart thing
into an E - others copy and paste the URL. If you don't know how to C & P, check link
above. Thanks! More's the merrier ...
~~~
There's always a holiday right around the corner, order your survival guide today!
"Holiday Lifestyles of the Culinarily Inept" is available by mail @ $6. each or
three for $15. (includes postage to one address). Order Book - supplies are
limited.
Sendin' the green keeps this ol' donkey pullin' the cart! Now don't leave without your thank-you gift.
Do the right click thing to save, print out on heavy card stock, then stick on a piece of magnetic tape.
Hey Scorps, say hey ...
The Scorpion Me includes astrology links and other group classifications should you be in the mood to categorize yourself - find out what kind of tree you fell from and read your redneck horror-scope.