to

More Brights and Goodies

Always on patrol for keys to a smile ...

Oh gawd, don't act like you don't know by now how I can be sometimes (~.*)

Beg pardon for taking so long to get on this update - been busy with other new pages. Granny Greetings has been a blast, updating almost every day with reader feedback. If you haven't been there yet, it's a collection of oldie-goldies, memories, original compositions, personal tributes, humor and happy tears. Even have an urgent request to add to granny name list - "Goddess didn't go over too well with the kids." Hmmmpf! I'm quite sure I would insist. Even Dyan Cannon on "Three Sisters" agreed.

New too, Skewed Views is for poking holes while tending to the general shearing of BS, presented by The UnBlonde Sheep. Signature coined while Beth, first featured writer, and I were comparing notes on why we saw the world a little differently and choose to hang those opinions out for whatever they're worth. Beth is a new 'net buddy, I'm looking forward to saying I knew her when.

Also putting photos and stories together from another new friend, Helen, who is a wildlife rehabber and K9 Search and Rescue handler. Helen had written a note about another page and I was curious about the K9 in her screen name. Been burning up the wires for weeks now with her contacts too, Beth* for one, all of whom have made wonderful contributions to several pages.

Before I forget, I am trying to remember to put my comments in this color, hopefully to avoid confusion.

*To avoid Beth mix-ups, Helen's daughter Beth (Miller and Disbro - one daughter, two last names) is the one in the Edwarddd (parrot) and Jazz (K9SAR German shepherd) features; Beth G. (writer) is of a different species - yet to be identified. "Bethwisms" (the w is a looong story) will be popping up along the way. Is that all clear as mud now? One other note, hit reload button if animations don't seem to be working.

OK, kick back, this is gonna be another monster - you can save some for later ya know ... I was thinking about cutting down but a note about "The nicest hour ever spent on the 'net" killed that notion :) As long as I'm showing off, check out Growing and Using Herbs, one of my articles is/was on the front page, look for "My Little Garlic Patch." Also sent a couple of recipes. They invite all reader submissions - go ahead - be famous yo'self. And don't forget to send stuff to me. Feedback is always a day brightener, keeps the ol' donkey pullin' the cart ... da green helps too!

As in Order my Book - you absolutely need my secret bean recipe for summer get-togethers. Guaranteed to secure future invitations, even if you'll never know whether it's you or the beans they want ... the following is as close as I'm ever going to get to giving anything away.

"Just ran across your recipe for baked beans. I don't have a recipe, I just go by taste, but besides the fact that you make a much larger batch than I usually do, here are the main differences:

"1) If you were adding two cups of brown sugar, I'd add a cup and a half and a half cup of molasses. Gives it a good flavor and richer color.
2) I add a few dashes of liquid smoke.
3) I don't use garlic.
4) I add a little mustard and ketchup.
5) I drain the beans before starting.
6) I don't put the bacon on top, I add cooked, drained bacon bits to the beans.

"That's about it. Everyone loves them. For potluck dinners I'm always asked to bring beans, and there are never any leftovers."

From Boogie Jack, one of the nicest nuts on the 'net. BTW, his new book is raking in great reviews, check out Web Design Made Easy. Be sure to dig around the whole site, something for everyone, from weird humor to free graphics (some of those are rather bizarre too) and design tips (those are legit).

Official link: www.boogiejack.com - official script: Boogie Jack's Web Depot is a webmasters' resource center featuring excellent original graphics, HTML and Graphics Tutorials, product reviews, and too many other great features to list. The casual surfer will love the humor, contests, and other amusing diversions. A great resource, but it's also a funny and fun place to be. I highly recommend it!
or
Visit this weird guy's site, he's an alien with no life - but sorta kinda cool anyway.

See, what'd I tell ya?

Something else I'll be looking for ... anything to do with gardening and wild critters. Bubba and I are moving to the country - yahoo! Can't wait to start playing in the dirt, naturally I will have to report.

Best get on with this show first ... The tag above was one of many offered for personalization from a super duper list I just discovered. You'll find more samples on this page. Becky wrote up a little history of the group and instructions for joining.

First of all, please note that this service is only available to people who use AOL, CompuServe and Gateway as their ISP. We include embedded images in our weekly sends, which are only viewable to those using these three servers.

Once upon a time, there were two silly sisters who came up with what we thought was a sillier idea. We had no idea it would mushroom into what it has!

One day, while visiting my sister, she received an email which contained the cutest nametag as a signature. Our eyes bugged out and we had to know how it was done. Heck, at that time, we didn't even know how to include a graphic in an email! We quickly learned how. Our mama didn't raise no dummies!

Needless to say, we then had to learn how these were made, so we could make some that fit our "personalities." We learned that most of these "taggers" used Paint Shop Pro. Of course, buying the program was top priority on our list then.

We proceeded to join some online groups that sent tutorials on using PSP, as well as some great graphics, plugins for the program, tubes, etc. and started following the tutorials to the letter. Eventually, we got pretty darn good at it too!

My sister then came up with the "brilliant" idea of forming a group where we make blank nametags, send them to members once a week, wherein they can choose the tags they like and we personalize for them. Our venture started with seven members and three taggers on our maiden voyage in (I believe it was) September 1999. We now run four groups. Add A Name Tags sends just nametags in a variety of themes every Monday night, with membership totaling around 800. Backgrounds&Tags4U sends nametags and coordinating backgrounds every Wednesday night, with membership around 700. Spicy Tag Shop sends adult content tags every Friday night, with membership around 400. Kids Are Fun Tags are for babies through teens, sent every Saturday morning, with membership around 100. The number of taggers for each group varies, numbering anywhere between seven and 13.

This service is all done free of charge, for the love of using the program and putting creative talents to good use. We all swear it is an addiction and our members help to feed this addiction!!! The bonus is the lovely notes of appreciation we receive from our members, as well as seeing our tags appear on other mailing lists and web sites. What a boost to one's ego when sent a link where the owner found our tags of quality to use on their web site!

If you have AOL, CompuServe or Gateway and are interested in joining our group(s) to receive our weekly sends, please feel free to contact me. I will be happy to send you a disclaimer to sign (a requirement) and add you to the mailing list. Please state if you are interested in joining Add A Name Tags, BGs&Tags4U, Spicy Tag Shop or Kids Are Fun Tags (or all).

Becky, a.k.a. CrispySue@aol.com

Becky made the donkey graphic above specially for me, also a little surprise I'm saving for the end of the page.

Eccentrics Live Longer
From Wilson's Almanac

SCOTLAND - Dr David Weeks, with the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, and the author of "Eccentrics: The Scientific Investigation," has found that those who march to the beat of a different drummer live five to 10 years longer than those who attempt to keep up with the Joneses. And not only this, they are also healthier, happier and more intelligent then the rest of the population. He found, for example, that on the average eccentrics visit a doctor only once every eight years compared to about three times a year for the general public.

In his research Dr. Weeks interviewed more than 1,100 eccentrics and found that they shared three primary characteristics: a keen sense of humor, creative imagination and a strong will. He concluded that it was these characteristics which not only set them apart but gave them the health edge. Also, he noted that they shared an over-riding curiosity that drove them forward and often made them oblivious to the small irritations and stresses of daily life that plague the general population.

I loved that, always have gotten a bang out of references to keeping up with the Joneses. You have been cautioned before about proceeding in the wake of this unorthodox Jones.

The Real Truth about Healthy Living
Author Unknown

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100 percent of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?

A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the only reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is "No Pain-No Pain."

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had on healthy living.

A Lesser-Known Psychological Affliction
Dietrrhea: The inability to be on any weight-loss program without talking about it to everyone in a tri-state area.

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four - unless there are three other people." - Orson Welles

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a dozen donuts.

Cool, Thoughtful Suggestion
From D34CAV@aol.com, Winter Wolf Weekly

Why not use Memorial Day as it was dedicated to be used? Remember those who served! This year make a stop by a Veterans' Home. You know the places, they used to be called the "Old Soldiers' Homes." Your time and effort will be appreciated. The home here in Minneapolis has vets from as far back as WWI. Some have outlived their families and don't get any visitors at all. One gentleman I know of has been in the home here for more than 40 years.

Don't know anyone and think you will be out of place? Call to ask if they can use a volunteer for an hour or two to walk a vet outside or push a wheelchair. Bring the kids and/or a pet (verify if OK first). The vets enjoy the chance to socialize a bit. And all of you vets out there, don't forget, these are your brothers and sisters who paid their dues and have no place else to go. We owe them! Before you discard this idea, remember one more thing, "There but for the grace of God go I."  Vietnam Veterans Memorial

Memorial Day certainly isn't the only opportunity - any day of the year will do, in almost any facility. I used to take Lib (Mutt Extraordinaire) to schools, hospitals and nursing homes all the time. Will never forget the man at one home who hadn't spoken since he'd arrived. Lib zeroed right in on him, jumped in his lap and washed his face but good. He held on tight and she listened to his every word. The "real" nurses were amazed - that was my Lib, LPN, Licensed Practical Noogiest - I forgot to add, on that page, quite often patients' families made donations for spay/neuter funding in appreciation of Lib's visits. What goes around comes around.

Pearl from Heart & Home: Little Country Village recently asked me to participate in an interview for an upcoming E-book on the frugal lifestyle, first up: "Guide us through one of your frugal days."

I don't have any "normal" day, frugal or not. However, I always think twice about throwing anything away. I'm a pack rat and scrounge hound. You just never know when that odd shoelace or such will come in handy. Shoelaces, BTW, are dandy for looping through a jeans buttonhole and around metal button for an inch or two extra in the waist on fat/bloat days.

Also on the jeans subject, there are hundreds of ways to reuse denim. See Fall Catch All (about the middle of page) for patchwork quilt instructions and other ideas. I recently made a cell phone "holster" by sewing a shirt collar into a pouch, using the existing buttonhole and tab to hang on a belt or whatever/wherever. Also works as eyeglass case, although I wouldn't recommend for throwing into a stuffed handbag.

What is it that you like about the frugal life?

If I had a million dollars, I'd still get a bang out of saving on a deal, especially one that's unexpected. Planning (coupons, lists) is not exactly my forte so I usually have to trip over a bargain.

Is there anything you don't like about the frugal lifestyle?

Never fails - the best garage sales are going the weekend I have no cash.

Why have you chosen to live this type of lifestyle?

It's been more frequently cases of it choosing me according to life choice variables. Although, I never have believed in paying outrageous prices to show off a name brand.

Pay no attention to the stores mentioned, doubt any of them are still there (Havasu). That is the $145 outfit (more like $200 today) - dang snazzy eh?

Pretend like you are just starting out. Is there something you would do differently?

Stick to a reasonable savings plan.

Could you share some of your favorite frugal living ideas with us?

I also always save all restaurant packets of ketchup, taco and barbecue sauce etc. Have concocted many an interesting marinade. You can ask for extras, and don't forget to ask for Parmesan with pizza, duck sauce with Chinese, you get the idea.

Back to the first question, think before throwing anything away. I save almost all plastic containers from frozen food and the individual snack-size pudding, Jello, fruit cups - handy for a million uses in and out of the kitchen. Of course, cottage cheese and the like containers too (can use a "dome" for nuking leftovers too), and even plastic lids from ice cream cartons are reusable as spoon rests or itty bitty snack plates. The pudding size cups are also great for limiting indulgence of dip munchie attacks.

Plastic bakery layer cake covers are reserviceable as chip bowls. Line with paper towels or napkins to dress up for a party.

I save jars of all sizes too, plastic and glass. Great for "drinking" M&Ms, lemon drops; storing caramels or any loosely wrapped candy. Small jars can be candle holders or neat bud vases with a ribbon tied on or use to start plant cuttings to root. A simple crochet pattern makes a pretty casing for jars. Start with a flat circle then work straight up. Add a ruffle (bunched stitches) the last two or three rows and run a ribbon or chain-stitched length of cord through holes close to top and tie in a bow. Or make a gathered fabric "sleeve" with an appropriate width and length of scrap. Can also make spiffy baskets by covering whipped topping or any size bowl containers. They can be lined by doubling fabric. Wal-Mart always has goodies in the remnant bin. I've found pieces big enough to make tablecloths and matching (or mix) napkins. In fact, once you get over pinking shear sticker shock, the investment will pay off - no hemming required - make all the linens you want.

I also admit to a box fetish - any size or type - gotta save 'em all. Printer paper either goes through twice or is cut into scratch paper. Tissue boxes, TP and paper towel/foil/plastic wrap rolls are perfect for storing anything from produce bags (used to wrap potentially stinky and/or sugary garbage) to pantyhose to electric cords. Right now I'm hoarding extras for kindling for new fireplace.

Mom's Laundry Rules

Do not put pajamas in the dirty clothes after only one wear. It is a scientific fact that you do not get dirty while you sleep. Pajamas can be worn many times before they smell bad enough to warrant being thrown in the dirty clothes. Exception: You may put pajamas in the dirty clothes if you throw up on them or something else that may be deemed disgusting, but only if they stink.

Unroll your socks before putting them in the dirty clothes. Otherwise, I will start washing and drying them in their original rolled up little balls. Special note: Unroll socks before throwing them down the laundry chute. If you don't, the law of physics causes them to bounce off the washer and land behind the washer or dryer. Mom is getting too old to crawl back there and fish them out.

Clean clothes can be easily removed from the clothes bar by gently lifting up on the hanger and pulling toward you. The wrong way to remove clean clothes is to yank on one corner of the garment. This causes the hanger to go flying around the clothes bar, scratching the wall and becoming impossibly entangled with the neighboring hangers. Special note: This makes Mom want to choke children. So far, she has been able to refrain from this action. (Lil' note: Rehang empties in the middle of the closet, you won't need to dig all around next time.)

If you have made the decision to put something in the dirty clothes, do not later decide that you now need to retrieve it by digging through the clothes baskets, leaving behind a mess that looks like a tornado whipped through. Special note: The only thing worse than having to put stinking clothes in the laundry basket is having to do it over and over and over.

Check your pockets. Have you ever tried to pick tiny pieces of white paper off an entire load of dark clothes? No? I thought not! But the next time this occurs, you will have the pleasure of this experience. Special note: In the future, all money found in pockets becomes the property of the laundry-doer, and that most assuredly will be Mom, who hopes to be able to save up for a Caribbean cruise, which she will go on alone. She has heard you don't have to do laundry.

When those clean clothes miraculously appear on your bed or chair, graciously thank the saintly person who lovingly placed them there and put them away! Special note: Failure to do this in the future will result in a contribution to Goodwill.

When you decide to try something on and decide that it will not make the fashion statement you were looking for that particular day, think twice before you make the decision that it is easier to throw the item in the dirty clothes rather than hanging it back up. Again, Goodwill would love to have these items.

In the future, each of you will be required to do one load of laundry a week.  Instructions will be provided. Mom feels that the joy of this household chore should be shared, and she has been very selfish about this in the past. She also feels that this is a necessary life skill, and without it, you may not ever want to leave home. This would not be in the best interest of your parents.

Rules may be added or modified at any time by Mom.

I, (sign your name) _______________________________________ agree to abide by the above rules, as I actually have no choice in the matter and do not wish to further anger my mother. Date:______________

Try The Copy and Paste Thing to print this notice. C & P is also useful for saving recipes and time all around. Copy into an E to print if it's not something you want to keep on file. Easier to kill Es than files.

'nother good, real tip: Place pantyhose in pillowcase and tie top to avoid lint clinging. And on the other hand - throw a pair or two of old pantyhose into dryer to draw lint to them and not clothes. Probably not a good idea to use high heat.

Smellz Goodz, etc.

For miniature crock pots a.k.a. potpourri crocks. Fill it one third of the way with apple cider, one third water, a cinnamon stick, five whole cloves, approximately one quarter of an orange peel broken into small pieces and about 10 red hot candies.

Spray a bit of perfume on light bulbs to create a lovely light scent. Careful, only apply when cool; bulbs can explode when hot.

Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for a few hours prior to burning.

Need an inexpensive carpet deodorizer? Make your own. Put baking soda into a large shaker, spice it up with your favorite ... powdered cloves, cinnamon, whatever. Sprinkle on carpet and vacuum. Caution: Don't use spices on white carpet or rugs.
Adapted from Heloise, Inc. found in MommieMail@aol.com  

Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen. From Beth G. (proud to say she put the mess in domestic), "I do this to dirty clothes - fools Josh into thinking they were washed!"

You can use dryer sheets instead of the more expensive name brand dusting sheets - they usually even fit nicely on floor duster heads with handles.

Ever want just one cup of coffee but hate to fire up the coffee pot because one cup never comes out right? Make ice cubes out of coffee, tea, etc. - when you want just one cup put the cubes in a cup and microwave.

Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet. - Roger Miller

Angel Water Skin Toner

1 cup apple cider vinegar
5 tablespoons rose petals
4 tablespoons sage leaves
3 tablespoons lavender blossoms
2 tablespoons rosemary
3/4 cup rosewater

Heat the vinegar and pour it over the herbs. Place the mixture in a quart jar and cap it with a non metal lid. Shake daily for 10 days. Strain and add the rose water. From
http://www.sunriseherbfarm.com/recipes/lavenderdishes.html

Helen just sent me a full page of herbal linkers - let me know if you want a copy.

Pamper Ladies who Love to Read

Get her some silky "reading pajamas." Browse the lingerie department of her favorite store. We're not talking negligee here, but rather luxurious lounging pajamas. She'll look like Greta Garbo and feel like she's on vacation. Ladies, by all means drop this hint to a loved one. Reading pajamas create a feeling of relaxation that lets you fully savor the
experience of curling up with a good book.

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates

A fun way to figure out who's planning to raise a family in your neighborhood is to put out nesting materials. It takes a lot of sticks and other building stock to make even the simplest nest. The mourning dove, an endearing regular at feeders just about everywhere, slaps together a little platform of twigs so loosely constructed that you can see daylight through it. But if you count the twigs in that nest, there may be more than 50. A more skilled nest-builder, like the robin, may collect a hundred or more sticks and fibers for its woven cradle. The wren is even more obsessed, collecting several hundred sticks and feathers to fill the birdhouse it favors. But the house sparrow takes the prize: More than a thousand bits of flotsam and jetsam may be used in its huge conglomeration.

Put your dryer lint out there too, it's amazing what birds will use. I used to find Lib's long tail hairs that had been caught in the lawn furniture woven into nests.

From Beth G., "I use scraps of yarn, instead of those wire twist ties, to tie up my plants. At the end of the season, I cut the yarn off (into bird-manageable sizes) and leave it on the ground."

Make Your Own Bird Feeder

Don't you just love to have wild birds feeding where you can watch them? Lure them to your yard with this easy-to-make pine cone feeder. Simply spread honey or a layer of peanut butter all over a pine cone and then roll it in birdseed. Tie to a tree with a piece of string. Enjoy the action!
Copyright 2001 Heloise, Inc.

Dandelion Jelly

4 cups yellow parts of dandelion blossoms
3 cups boiling water
4 1/2 cups sugar
2 Tbsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 pkg. powdered pectin

Pull the yellow blossoms apart from the green parts. Get lots and lots of blossoms. While you are collecting them, you can freeze what you already have. Make sure there are no green parts since the green parts have a bitter flavor. Pack the blossoms into a 4-cup measure. More blossoms mean more flavor. Bring the water to a boil and fill with dandelion blossom shreds. Simmer over very gentle heat about 10 minutes. Pour the water and blossoms through a strainer. Press the blossoms as dry as possible to extract the maximum amount of water. Add more blossoms to the strained water and simmer for about 10 minutes. Continue simmering and straining until all the blossoms are used up. Add more water to make up 3 cups. Some water is lost because it is caught in the blossoms. Strain the water very well (can use a coffee filter). Combine water with lemon juice, sugar and pectin. Bring to roiling boil and stir until sugar is dissolved. Boil hard for one minute. Skim. Pour into hot jars and seal. From Pagan Table recipe list (whatever your beliefs, it's one of best lists going), pagantable-subscribe@egroups.com.

I forwarded that to Helen who told me a while back that she cultivates dandelions for the wild critters. She replied that the blossoms are also good deep-fried in a tempura batter and dug up two favorite recipes. I left the egg-separating instructions on the first one, although, I have yet to be convinced it makes a difference. When I try that one, I'll beat 'em intact. You can also do a search. Google came up with more than 2,000 links, including several name brand mixes.

Light-Airy Batter

1 egg separated
1/2 cup sifted flour
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper (this I omit, don't like pepper)
1/2 cold water

In a small bowl, beat egg white until stiff peaks form. Sift in flour, cornstarch, salt and pepper. In another small bowl, beat egg yolk and water until frothy and "lemon colored." Continue beating egg yolk mixture while gradually adding sifted flour mixture. Beat until smooth. Fold beaten egg white into egg-flour mixture. Stir occasionally.

Golden Puff Batter

1 cup sifted flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 and 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
2 eggs beaten
1/3 cup of milk
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

Into small bowl sift flour, sugar, baking powder, seasoned salt and chili powder. Add eggs, milk and vegetable oil. Stir until smooth and evenly blended. Batter can be prepared ahead of time and stored in covered container in refrigerator. If batter becomes too thick, stir in 1 tablespoon of cold milk.

I always let either one set for a few minutes before I start cooking. The second one 'puffs' up whatever you are using it with. I used to do a lot of veggies using these batters as well.

Also from the Pagan Table list, after a discussion started about dropped silverware, which started with ideas for "nudging" company out the door ...

The entire family will visit you if you drop a tablespoon and/or cause a big disappointment.

... Especially if you don't like your family.

A sharp instrument falling and sticking in the floor or ground is lucky.

... However, if it falls and sticks in your foot, that is generally considered unlucky.
(A sharp instrument falling and sticking in your enemy is good luck! - from Beth G.)

Do not pick up a dropped knife, for a friendship will be cut in two.

... As opposed to your foot when you forget the knife is on the floor.

If someone is sharpening a knife and the blade points toward you, it signifies a quarrel.

... Or that you are sitting in the wrong place and could have your eye put out.

If you let a butcher knife fall and it sticks in the floor, you will be lucky.

... However, if it falls and sticks in your foot, that is generally considered unlucky.

It is a sign of bad luck to hand a person a sharp instrument point first; for as some say, "It will cut their luck."

... It's also a sign of never having been to camp, where everyone is taught to pass knives handle first.

Silverware turning blue indicates that a dark cloud is gathering over the house.

... Or that you have aluminum silverware and have washed it in the dishwasher.

Stick a friend while giving him a sharp instrument and bad luck will be averted.

... However, remember that quarrel thing? Sticking someone generally leads to a quarrel.

Thanks to M. Alia Denny, "In a surreal mood."

For more tableware superstitions: http://www.sandiego-books.com/cutlery.htm - check the whole list of categories: http://www.sandiego-books.com/suprtoc.htm

Definition of barbecuing: The only type of cooking a "real" man will do.

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

The woman goes to the store, fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert, prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

The man places the meat on the grill.

The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables and comes back out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table; after eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." Upon noticing her annoyed reaction, he concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less." - Lewis Carroll

Words are a hobby, new ones turn me on, making them up is even more entertaining - not sure why I have this obsession - I actually used to enjoy diagramming sentences ... recently found the word that best describes my condition - Logolept: word maniac. From Word A Day newsletter: Subscribe

Also from Word a Day, "The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees F. (a watched pot never boils)."

Yes I know, each to their own amusement - the maverick (person independent in thought and action) WordPix cutie came from Wordsmith.

Also means an unbranded animal, after Samuel A. Maverick (1803-1870), a cattle owner who left his calves unbranded.

Also from Wordsmith, Internet Anagram Server "All life's wisdom can be found in anagrams. Anagrams never lie." Funny how uncanny they can be - some funnies for TheRealMartha: Alarm the Earth, hearth meal rat, hearth later ma, meal hath at err and for Martha Jones: Ham art Jones, rah moan jest, the Mason jar.

Loved this too: "A house is no home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body." - Sarah Margaret Fuller, author (1810-1850)

Check out Classy-fieds and Links I Like for other writers' sources, and Web Grammar Roolz - Abusing language properly online. Made the links page because I was afraid my faves file would burst - "Roolz" page is not mine, but I recommend if some of the stuff you see out there bugs you as much as it does me.

Connections

James Bender, in his book "How to Talk Well," relates the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it.

The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves. So it is in other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
Copyright © James Bender, from "Inspirations" newsletter, TexasJayne@aol.com

Welcoming New Neighbors

Buy a cheery address book and include names, addresses, and telephone numbers of neighbors and babysitters. (Be sure to ask their permission first.)

Also include the names of your favorite meat and fruit markets, pharmacy, dry cleaner, hair salon, and other merchants in the area whose services are worthy of a recommendation.

Pound Puppies Rule!
by Betty King, previously published in Pet Warmers newsletter

Sometimes when you rescue dogs, they return the favor. (And how does Missy know that Betty has back problems? Hmmmm ...)

Part Poodle-mix, the paper said under her adorable picture in the local paper. In reality, she was a matted, scared orphan who had passed her allotted time at the city pound. They saw her potential and hoped their last ditch effort at advertising her for adoption might bring in a generous heart. It did - me. I have been a dog lover forever, though I haven't had one the last few years. My struggles with MS had left me with my hands full meeting my own needs. I had feared I could not care for the needs of another dog, after releasing custody of our last one into the hands of our daughter and grandsons. He was a Siberian Husky and had been more than I could manage. He loved our grandsons anyway and found their home to be more to his liking and not as confining as ours with my limited abilities.

At my insistence, we visited the pound and brought home what later turned out to be, after bathing and grooming, a Dandi Dinmont Terrier - at least an owner of the breed assured us. It was not always easy to accommodate her needs after first bringing her home. However, she proved to be a loyal and helpful companion while I was alone and my husband was at work. One day, my husband Bill, was home working on the deck and Missy, as she came to be called, was keeping him company. Inside the house, I accidentally fell off of my three-wheel scooter and called to Bill, who was unable to hear me over the sounds of his tools. I crawled a few feet, the best I could, and called again. He still couldn't hear my cries for help. But Missy did. I heard her insistent barking. Someone knew my dilemma.

"Thank you God," I sighed with relief. My husband was soon at my side and Missy was drowning me with her wet kisses. He said she had been determined that he follow her as she ran back and forth between him and the door. She had heard and sensed my predicament. She has summoned my husband on other such occasions. Missy is truly my watchdog, my constant companion, my "pound puppy to the rescue."

Missy on duty

Of all the dogs who have shared our home, she is the first we have ever allowed to share our bed. If my husband oversleeps, she becomes his alarm clock. She prefers my back when going to sleep at night. Not only do I accommodate her because she is part of the family, but the pressure she applies to my back provides support and relieves my discomfort and pain. Whether or not she is really a Dandi Dinmont or a pound puppy, she is loved. She now looks after me and keeps me company. I can't imagine living without her. She senses my inabilities and limitations and loves me in spite of them. She provides more than therapy and does more for me than some medicines the doctors order. I might add she is treated like the queen that she is, in the King household.

Animals are being recognized more and more for their unique therapeutic value; not only companionship and help as above but also I hear about animals with the ability to sense pain. Often, a patient will not request medication and animals will alert the caregiver.

Dog Beds
Sometimes they do want their own :)

There are many dog beds available, unfortunately, many are extremely impractical and expensive. The most important thing, after correct size, is that the bed be easy to wash and dry. It should be washed at least every time the dog is bathed, otherwise he'll smell dirty again almost immediately. If dealing with skin problems and/or parasites, the bed should be washed weekly.

Regular bed pillows (and cases) come in sizes to fit most dogs and so do wicker baskets, making a practical and attractive combination - easy to keep clean and inexpensive to replace.

You can also use an "egg crate" mattress cut to fit any shape or size. This same product is used in orthopedic dog beds and in hospitals to prevent bedsores. The twin bed size should be large enough to use single or double thickness. A pillow case-type cover or a zippered one can be made out of any durable, washable fabric. If you don't sew, you can use iron-on Velcro in place of seams. You can also make a waterproof mattress protector out of the pads available in baby departments for use in cribs.

Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place in museums; others we take for walks. - Roger A. Caras

Flea Busters

Sprinkle powdered borax bleach on carpets, (be careful, moisture can cause bleaching). Leave on one full day, then vacuum, and throw out the bag. It dehydrates the fleas bodies, doesn't hurt you to walk on, and sanitizes in the process.

Just plain old table salt sprinkled liberally on carpets and pets' bedding works too. Can be left for as long as a week without problems.

The old dish-soap-in-a-bowl-of-water-on-the-floor-trick: Shine a small light on the bowl, so it just lights the dish and not the surrounding area. Fleas will be attracted to the light and crawl into the bowl and won't be able to crawl out. Do this a few days till you see no more fleas in the bowl.

A whole jar of garlic powder mixed in a large bag of dry food is reported to help too. The critters may not like it at first, then might not eat without it.
Adapted from reader suggestions in TigersRecipes4U@aol.com

IMHO - The most efficient flea control is getting them off the animal a.s.a.p. The teeny teeth flea combs work very well, also just picking through the fur. Squeeze a blob of hand lotion onto a paper towel (or use petroleum jelly or any sticky non-toxic goo). A fingertip dab will smother the little buggers. Fleas are no joke, they can actually suck an animal to death. Also, you need to remember that the skin is an organ - horrible damage can be done by scratching. In fact, the big sleep was under consideration at one time when Lib had nearly chewed herself raw in several spots. Nothing (including standard allergy shots) was working until a friend happened to see a dog in the same condition due to food allergies on a TV vet show. The main problem was chemical preservatives. Lib's immediate improvement when switched to all-natural food was nothing short of a miracle. She was good as new in less than a week.

A few cases have been described in the human and veterinary medical literature in which epilepsy was a manifestation of food allergies. It follows, then, that a trial using hypoallergenic diets should be attempted in all epileptic animals. Many people have found success by simply feeding a very high quality commercial hypoallergenic diet without preservatives. If these diets are unavailable in your area, or don't produce results, a veterinarian should be consulted to obtain recipes for homemade hypoallergenic diets. Obviously the animal should already be under a vet's care if epileptic. Oddly enough though, the food question never came up the whole time I was frantic over what to do for Lib. Hopefully, news has spread by now.

Soon to be added: One of Lib's columns about drinking dandelion tea to help flush out toxins. One of her fans sent the tip, it did seem to help speed the healing too. Who'd have thunk it! I had a whole routine worked out in my head to entice her. The little beast went right for the stuff - gone in 60 seconds - which reminds me ... putting on a ridiculous show - "Yum, yum, what do I have for you ... " might get a pill down voluntarily.

An Aussie Classic
from www.Woogly.com

I was trying to open a jam jar and I decided that one of the really sneaky aspects of hidden sexism is that so many things seem to be designed around male hands. I think I've mentioned gas pumps - I mean, squeezing the trigger on a gas pump is a real bitch with little girly hands - and then there's the whole issue of jars. It's not just the occasional tough jar I have trouble with, it's more like every pickle and jam jar in the universe. I can run the damn thing under hot water and whack it and do the grunt-twist-strain thing repeatedly and they don't come open. I ask the roomie, who is not exactly Charles Atlas, and he picks it right up and twists the thing off. It's a damn plot, I tell ya, to keep us wimmenfolk subservient to the superior pickle-jar openers. Can't you just imagine some woman, yearning to break free of her loveless marriage, but thinking "Damn! But if I leave him I'll never be able to enjoy a tasty pickled gherkin again?" They put drugs and toxins in child-proof containers, and for some reason they put jams and jellies in woman-proof containers. I just don't understand it.

If you write your own wedding vows, I'd be sure to put something in there about him doing his manly duty to open your pickle jars.

Note to Aussie: Try a nutcracker (adjusts to size), also, I found a nifty little lid popper gadget (similar to the old-fashioned "church key") at an Organized Living store. You can also use the cuff of a rubber glover as a gripper.

Uh oh, I feel a wave of dishwasher hints approaching ...

Take advantage of the steam - once the cycle is over, crack the door to add humidity in winter. And, while it may look a little peculiar, standing over the steam, breathing it in feels like a quickie refresher - soothing to dry skin, throat and nose.

If water heater is not close to kitchen, run water in the sink before turning on the dishwasher. Also be sure water is hot enough to dissolve the soap. Otherwise you'll have grit particles flying around scratching glasses. BTW, soap is soap. Any ol' cheap brand will do.

I haven't tried this because I don't have spot problems but supposedly vinegar in the final rinse will take care of that. Not a bad idea to run vinegar through a whole cycle now and then to dissolve hard water deposit build-up too. I also recall a reader tip about using a few tablespoons of Tang for the same purpose - and I think that tid included a bit about wrapping fish in foil to "poach" at the same time. I do not question these things ...

Usually plastics are safe on the top shelf - however, I did lose one of my fave jars to meltdown even with the drying element turned off.

The "Real Story" of the Three Bears

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?"

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!"

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everybody else in the house up, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, unloaded the dishwasher and put everything away, went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, set the table, cleaned the cat's litter box and filled her food and water dishes. Now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace Momma Bear with your presence, listen good, 'cause I'm only going to say this one time ...

"I haven't made the *#*!*#* porridge, yet!!"

A Power Tip :)

Hello, This is really crazy and I don't know that very many people would be in position to do this, but my personal care attendant and I were making Christmas cookies. I'm totally blind and a functional quadriplegic following a 1996 car accident. Since the accident most of my "cooking" has consisted of picking out recipes that I download from the internet and planning meals and telling my attendants what to make. So anyway back to the Christmas cookies. They called for crushed candy canes. We tried hammering them, rolling them with a rolling pin and everything else we could think of, and nothing crushed them as finely as we wanted. We were aiming for a sugar consistency rather than chunks. Jokingly my attendant said, "Maybe you should roll over them." My power wheelchair is one that is pretty sophisticated allowing me to either sit or lay down but the batteries and tilt mechanism cause the chair (without me in it) to weigh around 350 pounds. We put the canes in two freezer bags and laid them on the floor. I just rolled over them and wha la! perfectly crushed candy! Maureen Pranghofer

More power to you Maureen! And thanks. Check out Braille It, Maureen does transcriptions from just about any format.

A neighbor asked a small boy if his family said prayers before the meals. "No," he replied, "We don't have to. My mother is a good cook."

Tea Tips

Didja know you can make tea with cold water? I usually use two big bags in a medium sized jar - makes it strong, dilute according to taste allowing for ice cube melt down. Can use hot water from tap or nuke for a minute if time is short. Best when it sits for at least an hour in the cold though.

The following, adapted from Lizzy, "I'm Not Martha" newsletter editor, applies to hot tea.

Use fresh water, freshly boiled. Over-boiled water is low in oxygen and can change the flavor of tea. Fresh water is a very important aspect of tea brewing. It is the heat of the water that helps produce the aroma. It is water that extracts the healthful components, color and taste into the cup. Without water there can't possibly be tea. One can have the best tea leaves in the world, but a pot of bad water can ruin it in a minute. However, a pot of good water can make the average tea taste like a better one.

Remember that the greener the tea, the lower the temperature of the water. Bring water to a 212° rolling boil for dark teas. Tea may be steeped in water as low as 192° for green teas, though times and results may vary.

"Bring the pot to the kettle, not the kettle to the pot," is the standard rule because, when steeping tea, water temperature is critical.

Usually about a level teaspoon is used for every 12 ounces of water. The tea should be steeped for three to five minutes depending on the type of tea and personal taste. Once steeping is completed, remove the spent leaves to prevent further infusion. The tea can get bitter.

The classic method of steeping tea in a teapot begins by "scalding the pot" with a bit of boiling water. Some traditionalists fill the pot with boiling water and let it sit for three to five minutes. In either case, "hotting the pot" is the best way to insure the water stay at the proper temperature to steep the tea. When the tea water is ready, swirl the "hotting" water around and pour it out in the sink. Next, place loose tea directly into the teapot, fill with boiling water, and replace the lid. Allow to steep for the proper time according to tea type and size and then pour through a mesh strainer into the cup.

Clean out your tea kettle once a week or every other week. Fill with water and add two tablespoons of white vinegar. Bring this to a rolling boil for at least 30 seconds; this will help remove the mineral deposits. Rinse thoroughly after cleaning by boiling plain fresh water two or three more times to remove the vinegar taste.

From one of Lizzy's reader's: "Just thought you'd like to know. The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced that K-Mart Corporation is recalling close to 24,000 of their Martha Stewart Everyday tea kettles."

Lizzy's reply, "Oh, my goodness! I checked into this. On April 30 the recall was issued. Apparently, the kettles expelled hot water and scalded people. If you've got one ... take it back to K-Mart right away. It's a dangerous pot."

Subscribe to newsletter: http://www.shagmail.com/sub/notmartha.html

History of Teapots

Totally Teapots, the Novelty Teapot Collector's Club

Visit to the Attic - tea party memories

Annie's Tea Time Page 

Tea Time Recipes

Tea Party Time

A Special Tea - Paper Doll and Outfit to Color

You can do what with tea??

Tea cup quilt block or hot pad

There are thousands more links available, including commercial packages. Try any search engine, you can type in a theme too.

Tea parties were a frequent pastime for me, thanks to the lady (Mrs. S. Granny Greetings.) who deemed them requisite training. Dressing up was part of the program naturally, all dolls and Teddies suitably attired too and, at least, bows for the critters.

I don't recall Casey (St. Bernard) being overly enthusiastic about invitations but his successor, Jennifer (Great Dane) did seem to enjoy attending - especially if she was sitting on my lap, really.

The following ideas were in response to a TigersRecipes4U@aol.com member. "My daughter is having a birthday party at a local beauty shop and they will be doing the girls' nails and hair. I was thinking of having a tea party as part of the theme too. Does anyone have ideas for 7-year-olds?"

Lynne's Tea Sandwich

One unsliced round loaf of bread (of course any other shape will taste as nice but the round looks so pretty on a cake stand). Slice the loaf horizontally into three or four layers and spread with butter (not that other spread, remember we are talking indulgence here.) Mix up a small batch of three of four of your favorite sandwich fillings. I like to use a curried egg salad (the usual mayo and eggs but add 1/2 teaspoon of curry powder,) tuna salad with lots of celery, deviled ham with some extra mayo, scrimp salad, etc. Try to pick out flavors that will taste well together because the next step is to spread a generous amount of the filling on the buttered bread layers and restack making sure to align the layers correctly (in case you didn't slice them perfectly.) Add a couple of long toothpicks to help stabilize during cutting. Refrigerate for at least four hours.

Place on a cakestand, add a sprig or two of parsley. When ready to serve cut into wedges (just like a cake!) using a serrated bread knife. Now pour the tea (made from loose tea leaves of course) and get ready for the oohs and ahhs!

Madeleines

8 tablespoons (113 grams) unsalted butter
1 cup (l40 grams) all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
pinch of salt
3 large eggs, at room temperature
2/3 cup (133 grams) sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips (optional)

In a small heavy saucepan, heat the butter over medium heat just until very light golden brown and fragrant, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool until tepid. In a small bowl, using a wire whisk, stir together the flour, baking powder and salt until well blended. In bowl of electric mixer, beat the eggs and sugar at medium-high speed until the mixture has tripled in volume and forms a thick ribbon when the beaters are lifted. Lower speed to medium and beat in the vanilla. Using a large rubber spatula, fold the flour mixture into the beaten eggs in three additions. Fold in the cooled melted butter in three additions, then fold in the chocolate chips. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes, until slightly firm.

Position a rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 375°. Generously butter two l2-mold Madeleine pans (available at William Sonoma or other kitchen specialty stores). Dust the molds with flour and tap out the excess. (Could spray pans with Bakers Joy instead.) Drop a generous tablespoonful of the batter into the center of each prepared mold, leaving the batter mounded in the center. (This will result in the typical "humped" appearance of the Madeleines.) Bake for l2 to l5 minutes, until the edges are golden brown and the centers spring back when lightly touched.

Remove the pans from the oven and rap each pan sharply against a countertop to release the Madeleines. Transfer, smooth sides up, to wire racks to cool. The Madeleines can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for two to three days or frozen, well wrapped, for up to one month. When serving dust with confectioners sugar.

Variations: Lemon-Poppy Seed Madeleines - Substitute 3/4 cup (l50 grams) white sugar for 2/3 cup white sugar, substitute l/2 teaspoon pure lemon extract plus l teaspoon finely minced lemon zest for l teaspoon vanilla extract, and add l tablespoon poppy seeds after adding butter. Proceed with recipe. Bittersweet Chocolate Madeleines - Melt 4 ounces bittersweet or semi-sweet chocolate (in pieces) in top of double boiler (stainless steel bowl over a saucepan) until melted. Let cool slightly. Follow the above recipe but add the melted chocolate to the batter after adding the melted butter. Proceed with recipe. From Chocolatier Magazine

Frozen Chocolate Peanut Butter Ribbon Cake

1-1/3 cups honey, divided
1 cup heavy cream, divided
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 package (3 oz.) lady fingers

1 quart chocolate ice cream, slightly softened

1 cup smooth peanut butter
1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

In a small saucepan, combine 2/3 cup honey, 1/2 cup cream, cocoa powder and vanilla. Cook about five minutes, stirring constantly, over medium heat, until mixture is well blended and smooth. Set aside; cool to room temperature.

Press lady fingers, curved side facing out, upright around sides of a 9-inch springform pan. Pack ice cream in even layer into bottom of pan; freeze while preparing peanut butter mixture. In a medium bowl, mix peanut butter, cream cheese,and remaining 2/3 cup honey until well blended. Whip remaining 1/2 cup cream until soft peaks form; fold into peanut butter mixture. Spread peanut butter mixture over chocolate ice cream layer in pan. Top evenly with cooled chocolate sauce. Freeze two to three hours, or until firm, before serving.

To add flavor to tea - dissolve lemon drops or mint candy in place of sugar.

Add flavor to coffee by putting vanilla or almond extract into the water as the coffee brews. Can also add a few drops to the grounds prior to brewing.

An old traditional tip: Put a metal spoon into a glass before pouring in any hot liquid - this will prevent the glass from cracking.

Use a straw hat, turned upside down, as a flower holder. Put a glass bowl in the center and place in the flowers of your choice. Definitely a spring look.

News from Possum Waller
featured in the "The Flamingo Times"

I looked out the window of The Times just in time to see Billy walking by with his hobo suitcase over his shoulder. I walked to the door and whistled for him before he got too far. When he came back I asked him where he was going this time. He said he thought he would head for Mexico ... which is a bit closer than the last time he was about to run away ... he was going to Africa I think. Well since Billy is only 7 years old and has been running away since he was 3, I thought we might figure out what was wrong over a Sundrop and a pack of nabs. Now what kid could refuse that offer? Billy’s home life wasn’t the best around, this was a way for him to handle it I think. I let him talk on for a good while until it was getting late and I mentioned getting dark and supper time. That was all it took for him to decide to postpone his Mexico visit for a while and he headed on home. Just got me to thinkin' ... maybe we all should share a soft drink and some crackers with our kids once in awhile ... seems to do wonders.

"Billy" and Tubby, his beloved collie

When I asked to borrow the tale, I also asked for the rest of the story. Billy turned out to be JW, a.k.a. Bubba Duck, Times editor. Cute little bugger wasn't he? (He'll also be happy to tell you he's a cute old bugger now.) JW didn't remember (dang that senility) who the adult was but thought he was probably the pharmacist who owned the store that was the original setting.

The Times is published weekly on Thursdays, give or take a day. Mailed by request to anyone who loves good cooking, fun, and a laugh here and there. Subscribe or read archives online: http://www.topica.com/lists/flamingotimes/read

If you have a site you'd like JW to have a lookee at, drop him a line, flamingotimes@yahoo.com. I just added the lettering to the logo Rina did for him so naturally I awarded myself the first mention :)

Whilst I'm patting myself on the back ... I received a rather unusual compliment, "As if it were written by Dave Barry on amphetamine," after I invited Norm, founder of www.Sinkie.com, to dig around this place (specifically Skewed Views) to see what I'd done with his cartoon. Beth G. then said she thought I was more like Barry on hormones - whatever works ...

The International Association of People Who Dine Over the Kitchen Sink
~
"If it has anything to do with having a quick bite,
it has everything to do with being a Sinkie."

I found the Sinkie site after digging around Shaboom's Kitchen which Rexanne had sent along with Shaboom critter Freckles' page, which led to more kitchens and critters and so on. No wonder it takes me so long to get a page done, always finding more stuff to add. Do not miss Shaboom's Bikini Speedo Breakdown - lite recipes - gotta try that broccoli and tomato thing.

Two ladies were discussing their busy schedules, "I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know - what's your secret?"

"My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp."

"You wake up at six o'clock?"

"Yes, and when I see what time it is, I go back to sleep for another four hours."

Yea, sez me ... found a way to beat pop up ads that invariably take forever to go away (after a while, certain URLs are recognizable as nuisance). Don't close the page, go back to the E you found it in and proceed to other links or close the name you're in. Don't even actually have to switch names, hit cancel and you're back in biz - works on aol anyway.

Try adding shredded cheese to potato salad, and/or a can of mixed veggies.

Grapes, water chestnuts and bacon bits liven up the ol' chicken salad routine. Red wine vinegar gives a spiffy kick too.

If you don't care for green pepper in recipes, try peas as a substitute.

Keep Smoke Sweet

Despite what aficionados may say, there are really only two rules for making great barbecue: Cook low and slow - and keep your smoke sweet. If smoke is stale or acrid, the food will have a strong or bitter taste. To keep it sweet: Maintain a constant heat source; keep air flowing through the smoker; use seasoned, high-quality wood. Hickory, oak, cherry, and mesquite all give excellent flavor. Avoid any gathered wood from needle-bearing trees such as fir or pine, which have high levels of sap or resin and can make foods bitter.

An interesting sauce for a teriyaki type marinated steak: Heat 1/4 cup peanut butter over low just until melted. Gradually stir in 1/4 to 1/3 cup unsweetened pineapple juice until creamy (peanut butter mixture may thicken at first but will become creamy as more juice is added). Remove from heat. Stir in a tablespoon or two of chopped jalapeno pepper and/or green onion, and, if desired, 1/2 teaspoon ginger.

Club Soda Tips

Pancakes will be light and fluffy made with club soda, substitute equal amounts of cold club soda for water. If recipe calls for milk, use dried milk and club soda.

You can also substitute cold club soda for plain water when making gelatin, the soda will give it a bright and bubbly appearance.

Club soda is a great remedy for wine spilled on the carpet. Blot up the wine them apply a liberal amount of club soda to the stain. Use a clean, dry cloth to sponge away the stain.

Don't toss flat club soda, instead use it to water plants. The chemical make up helps plants thrive.

Soak jewelry in club soda to keep it sparkling clean.

Room temperature club soda is perfect for cleaning stainless steel cookware or chrome plumbing fixtures. Saturate soft cloths with the soda, wipe, then pour fresh soda over the fixture to rinse.

Keep a small bottle in the car and use it to clean windshield.

Don't forget eyeglasses. Wipe them clean with club soda and polish with a soft coffee filter to keep them lint and streak free.

How Much Is A Serving?

When you are told to eat five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day, how much is that? A serving is:

1/2 cup cooked dried beans or lentils
1 cup leafy raw vegetables
1 medium potato
7 or 8 carrot sticks
6 oz. of vegetable or fruit juice
1 medium-sized piece of fruit
1 slice of melon
1/2 cup berries
1/2 cup canned fruit
1/4cup dried fruit

Meet Edwarddd

Kayleigh had her hair braided on the beach. Ed wants, needs, demands the beads.

"Whenever the phone rings, Ed says 'Hello?' so I found an old toy, trying to teach him to say it to the toy - he's not buying it. He did have the phone in his claw, held up to his head, as if to be talking, as soon as he saw the camera he had to 'pose.' Little creep~!

"When Ed talks, it comes out sounding like Edwarddd. I'm pretty sure he spells it Edward, but I'm not certain, lil' brat won't tell me where he lives either. I tried, and for his phone number as well, but he won't tell me that either. Ed calls me, 'HHHHEEEEELLLEN,' if that doesn't work, he goes to 'MMMAAAAHMMMM~!' His interpretation of Mom I'm certain. That usually results in something, like, 'WHHHAAATT?' from me. If we call him Ed, he says, 'woard.' Best spelling for what he says, I know he is correcting us, Edward, not Ed, heaven forbid, we should offend the bird~!"

"Being a rehabber, I get some pretty unusual calls. Late last summer, I received a call on a bird. I don't do birds! Unfortunately, all the 'bird people' were unavailable. The guy on the phone told me he had a green bird in his tree. I said, 'No you don't. We don't have green birds in Indiana.' He said, 'Well, that may be, but I'm pretty sure I do have a green bird in my tree.' I called daughter Beth, who was working for a vet at the time. I told her we had to go get a green bird out of a guy's tree. Beth said, 'We don't have green birds in Indiana.' Back to square one. We put together our bird catching paraphernalia, and got on the road heading to a town about 12 miles from our home. Sure enough, the guy had a green bird in his tree, an Amazon parrot.

"The bird was in a small crabapple tree, easy we thought - a piece of cake. The guy brought us a ladder. Beth, armed with leather gloves and a net, climbed the ladder. The bird snaked his neck down, and said, 'Hello.' Beth laughed, bird flew! Like an eagle to a tree about 60 feet in the air. We sat on the ground and waited. Sure enough, bird was hungry, as well as curious, and here he came. He landed in guy's neighbors' yard, and into another small tree right in the middle of a lovely garden.

"I walked slowly to bird, saying, 'Hello, give me the gloves, Hello, and some crabapples, Hello, need the gloves, Hello, need gloves now!' I got the gloves all the while telling this bird how great he was, remember I don't 'speak bird,' I had no idea what you say to a bird at anytime, let alone when you're trying to con the little sucker. Bird, again snaked his neck down to snatch a crabapple, now settled in my leather-gloved hand. Snatch, got him, well, one wing and a foot. Beth got on the other side of him and grabbed his other foot. We took him to the SUV and put him in a carrier. Not before destroying the guy's neighbors' lovely garden. It'll grow again, I thought.

"Longer story shorter, I called every vet in the area, and many outside the area. I called avian clinics and newspapers. Everybody thought it was funny, I didn't. I put up posters, I listed him on every Internet bird site that allowed lost and found. I knew his name was Edward, because he told us. He told us many things, except his phone number or address. He still lives here, nobody ever came forward to admit he was theirs. He has his own chair right next to mine in the computer room. He does take issue with my screensaver, wolves.

"Ed has an extensive vocabulary, somebody spent a long time with him, and I know he was loved. I fear he was abandoned after his owner passed away. Regardless, here Ed lives, for now anyway."

This is Roxy, another of Helen's rescue/rehabs, hypoglycemic so could not be released. She helped herself to the paintbrush after watching Helen's kids. Miss Roxy's talent put her on the old "That's Incredible" TV show, graced magazine covers and she made classroom appearances in her spare time. This is just a teaser about her work, we are planning to make prints available soon. The art really is incredibly good; to say the least, people (including a professional art critic) are quite taken aback to learn the source. To be notified when Roxy's gallery pages are published, send a blank E to SendNewPage@aol.com - subject line: Roxy.

The Jazz Man

Jazz, another of Helen's family, is a brush coat German shepherd. He helped set a legal precedent for future K9 search and rescue teams as one of three who gave court testimony on a homicide case. It was the first time in Indiana that non-police dog testimony was accepted.

Jazz was also instrumental in the search for Zachary Snider who was killed by Christopher Stevens, previously convicted child molester. Stevens now sits on death row. Due to the crime, Zachary's Law was established. It passed March 2, 1994, Zachary's 11th birthday.

Signing of Zachary's Law

From left: Amy Taylor, Sandy Snider (Zachary's mother), Niki Snider (sister), Governor Evan Bayh, Beth Miller, Daisy Ablog, Mark Dewitt and Josh Wolley. Taylor, Miller, Ablog, Dewitt and Wolley were part of the Hendricks County K9SAR Team.
~
Jazz later discovered land wasn't nearly as cool as standing on a boat doing water search. He's done many, and he's never been wrong. A man had drowned (possibly it was the Wabash River). The body could not be found, so Beth put Jazz on a boat. He alerted about 20 minutes into the search. Police pulled up a body, except it was the wrong man. Then Jazz found the right one.

Helen has a wealth of records we are organizing for a page about Jazz and the other team members. Most of the stories are very disturbing, especially the ones involving children. Happy endings, such as finding one who was hiding because she was mad at her parents, are few and far between. The work takes it toll on handlers and the dogs. Helen said, "Jazz laid on the floor for three days and stared at a wall after the Zachary search. He knew. When these things affect the K9s, we have to do 'play searches,' commonly referred to as 'Puppy Tracks,' making certain they find the 'victim.' The K9s have to have this, they can't get to the stress center like we can. Actually, we did have to call in counselors to talk to the team after that search."

Hendricks County K9 Search and Rescue

I offered to help with the K9 pages because I have a tremendous amount of respect for dogs' service to man. I became acquainted with several K9 officers while working for newspapers (editors knew my interests) and was always impressed. Any information distributed about K9 "stars" reflects well on all animals.

Meet my "adopted" K9 Army unit: http://www.therealmartha.com/WARK9/index.htm - great pics, info and stories

Happy Again
by Linda Keller

My husband and I had only been married a month and had just bought a house. Getting ready to move required a lot of work and we were putting every spare moment into fixing it up. One particularly busy day, we ran out of something and I was dispatched to the local hardware to pick up supplies.

Sitting at a red light after leaving the store, I happened to look over and saw a dog who had wrapped her chain so tightly around a tree she couldn't even move. Being a dog lover from way back, I couldn't just leave so I pulled over to the curb and went up to the door of the house to let the owners know their dog was in trouble. After knocking on both doors and getting no reply, I went back to the front where the dog was tied.

It was 90+ degrees out and she was not only tangled hopelessly but had no water or food. I approached carefully and tried to unwrap the chain but it was hopeless! The collar was so tight it had dug into her skin and the chain was too tight to undo.

About this time, a neighbor came over and said the dog was going to be put down the next day because the owners didn't want to be bothered taking care of her. She was skinny, matted and dirty - the mangiest looking mutt you could ever imagine! Between us, we were able to undo her collar and the next thing I knew, she had run over to my car and jumped in the open window on the passenger side! I went over and tried everything I could think of to get her out but she absolutely refused to move!

She dug in with all her might and looked at me with those big brown eyes begging to go with me. Not knowing what else to do, I wrote a note to the owners explaining what had happened and left my name and phone number so they could call me. As soon as we pulled into the driveway at home, this dog jumped out and ran in the house like she knew exactly where she was and had lived there all her life! Needless to say, my husband was not very happy! The last thing we needed right then was a dog! I told him what had happened and he agreed that we would take the dog to the vet and then return her or find a good home for her if the people really didn't want her back.

Ha! Sissy had adopted us and she wasn't about to let us out of her life! Needless to say, she became part of our family. We named her Sissy because she was afraid of her own shadow. It was apparent that she had been abused and any loud noise would send her scurrying for cover. Over the next 14 years, Sis learned to trust and love and turned out to be the best watchdog and companion anyone could ever ask for! She also was an excellent mouser and loved to chase the squirrels. Unfortunately, she developed severe arthritis and a neuropathy that made walking difficult. Otherwise, she was still a healthy happy dog but it became increasingly hard for her to move around. We were spending more than $100 a month on medications and tried various treatments but it was apparent that she was only getting worse. My neighbors even built a ramp for our back stairs so that she wouldn't have to climb the stairs to go outside but, after a while, even the effort of walking was becoming too much and she struggled to stand up.

I finally convinced everyone else that we weren't being fair to her and that we really needed to end her misery. Crying all the way, I took Sis to the vet while looking into those trusting, brown eyes that had so many years before begged me to take her with me. I swear, she knew what was about to happen. She looked at me with the most grateful look and her eyes became so clear and untroubled for the first time in a long time.

As I stated before, Sis was always quite the mouser. The day after I put her to sleep, I found a dead mouse at the front of the garage door. Wondering why my husband had not picked it up when he left 15 minutes earlier, I disposed of it and went about my business. The next day, however, I found another dead mouse right in front of my car door where I couldn't possibly miss seeing it when I left for work. I know some people may think it is silly but I know that Sis left those packages for me. My husband swore that the mouse wasn't there when he left. She wanted to make sure I found them to let me know how happy she was - finally able to run and chase the mice and squirrels again! She had never hurt one before but I think it was the only way she could convince me that the decision I made was the right one for her.

It's been four years and the hurt is still strong but I know in my heart that Sis is up in the clouds running and playing and that we made her life here as happy as she made ours.

Story found in K9WebWorld@aol.com. It did occur to me that a dead mouse was kind of a weird signal of "life everafter" but, I do like to believe in the Rainbow Bridge. Certainly animals deserve their own paradise - especially since so many millions never get an even break on earth. I had a note from a friend thanking me for sending the story so she could give it to another friend who was struggling with the final verdict. It's a horrible choice to face, but as the story illustrates, it is the final act of love. Too many people wait far too long, causing needless suffering. After my friend wrote, I suggested she might also send Just My Dog and The Ultimate Style - both have wonderful, comforting messages. Also see Stuff That'll Really Get Ya (includes Rainbow Bridge) and My Angel Girl.

BTW, any animal person will enjoy a subscription to K9 Web World, it's free and always loaded with useful, interesting info. The issue this story was in also had an article on spay/neuter that I'll probably use somewhere eventually. Best point made was toward amateur (backyard) breeding, particularly the responsibility incurred not only for one litter but those thousands of births to follow. Loved it, nice extra guilt layer to spread ... hey whatever works. I sleep better knowing something I've passed along is saving lives - try it, you'll like it. Please be sure to check out critter links at the end of this page.

Happiness is as a butterfly, which when pursued, is always beyond our grasp. But if you will sit down quietly, it may alight upon you.

The two tags are samples of the latest from AllyKhatt@aol.com (subject line: subscribe). The "Alley" newsletter also offers a variety of tips, recipes and what-nots.

Household Tips with Gypsy
from "Ally's Alley"

Arthritis tonic and treatment: Two spoonfuls of apple cider vinegar and honey in a glass of water several times a day.

Thirst-quenching drink: Apple cider vinegar mixed with cold water.

Sagging cane chairs: Sponge with a hot solution of half vinegar and half water. Place out in the hot sun to dry.

Skin burns: Apply ice cold vinegar right away for fast relief (for sun burn too). Will prevent blisters.

Add a spoonful of vinegar to cooking water to make cauliflower white and clean.

Cheese will keep fresh longer if wrapped in a vinegar-soaked cloth in a sealed container.

Remove stains from stainless steel and chrome with a vinegar-dampened cloth.

Prevent grease buildup in oven by frequently wiping with vinegar.

Wipe jars of preserves and canned food with vinegar to prevent mold-producing bacteria.

To eliminate mildew, dust and odors, wipe down walls with vinegar-soaked cloth.

Vinegar is an all-around good disinfectant, keep handy in a spray bottle for kitchen (cutting board, counter, table top) and bathroom applications.

Marigolds are said to be good mosquito repellents.

Make budget curtains from sheets: Cut a small slit near the edge of each side of the top band, slide rod through. Put a coordinating color sheet on top in a swag, gathered it in the middle with a rubber band to make a rosette.

"A problem is a chance for you to do your best." - Duke Ellington

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

Some people are like old shoes, all worn out except the tongue.

Call your local police and ask for the crime prevention department to find out if they offer safety inspections. This is a free service in some areas. The police would rather help prevent than deal with the aftermath of crimes and can recommend things to do to make the house more secure.

Eleven-Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair ... but only if you are working alone.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a 12-year-old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.

7. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

8. Kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes does help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

11. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.



The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.



Late spring and early fall is a great time to go shopping for garden plants and trees. Nothing wrong with them, but usually marked down to make room for new arrivals.

One-Two-Three

Do you have an indecisive pet who goes to the door to be let out and then doesn't know if that's what he really wanted to do* after all? Meanwhile, you're patiently standing there holding the door open and letting in gusts of hot or cold air. Try this ... open the door, count to three, and close the door. Your dog will probably look at you like you've lost your mind. Ignore him. Don't apologize or explain your actions, just walk away. Wait a few minutes and then go back and do it again. It will only take a few times before your dog goes through the door the minute you say, "one." Believe it or not, this also works with cats.

*This is not a problem with Buster, he always knows what he wants to do, all the time, except when it's raining ... or I'm in the kitchen. He is forever hopeful. In any case, I think the "he" designation above is more of a "she" thing. Lib was equally diligent in her investigative and dispensation endeavors as founder of the International Courtesy Whiz Exchange, but never approached the responsibility in the state of emergency males tend to. Poll? Funny stories? LibbyK9@aol.com Yes, the boss is still supervising :)

Apology in advance ...

There was a man who sent 10 different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.

Everyone starts from scratch, but not everyone keeps on scratching.

"Sometimes I have looked back at my behavior and learned not to make the same mistake twice. Other times, I have merely learned to make it again with more style." - Marilyn vos Savant, who is listed in the "Guinness Book of Records" Hall of Fame for highest IQ. Quote appeared in "Parade."

Sticky situation? Please yourself - at least one person will be happy with your decision.

"Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you someone who has never achieved much." - Joan Collins

Winding down now ... few more odds and ends. Then I gotta get on a new Catch All page - only have five text files full of recipes and hints and more than 100 E-sources I haven't even opened yet. But don't let that stop you from sending stuff, I still intend to end up with every less-than-fiver (recipe ingredients) on the planet.

AltMartha@aol.com
or
TheRealMartha@Mindspring.com
and
SendNewPage@aol.com
new page notification

Life In the 1500s

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still pretty clean by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the b.o.

Baths equaled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then the sons and other men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the  baby out with the bath water."

Those were additions to a list I used to make a page a while back, 1500s Trivia.

Rats! The boss refuses to accept "the early bird catches the worm" as a valid excuse for leaving work at 2 p.m.

PMS Stands for ...

Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
and from reader Sue,
Pissy Male Syndrome
Why wasn't that on the original list? Your contributions are most welcome too.

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. ONE!! And, do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because NO ONE ELSE in this house knows HOW to change a freaking light bulb!!! They don't even KNOW the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in this house in the DARK FOR THREE DAYS
before they FIGURED IT OUT. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to FIND the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME DAMN CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But, if they did, by some miracle, actually FIND the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER, the CHAIR that they dragged from TWO ROOMS AWAY to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!! AND THE HOUSE ... IT WOULD TAKE AN ENTIRE ARMY TO CLEAN IT!!!!! ... I'm sorry ... what did you ask me???
From mommiemail@aol.com

The hormone hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

Dangerous: What's for dinner?
Safer: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
 
Are you wearing that?
Gee, you look good in brown.
Wow! Look at you!

What are you so worked up about?
Could we be overreacting?
Here's fifty dollars.

What did you do all day?
I hope you didn't overdo today.
I've always loved you in that robe.

OK, saved one of the best for last. The great cornbread controversy, explained by Angela, is a hoot whether you have any intention of cookin' or not. Next you will find true wisdom - Gertie offers answers to an age-old question and more.

http://www.southernangel.com/cornbread.html

"Criticizing or questioning someone's cornbread recipe can often be fighting words around here. We take our cornbread serious and the recipes we use are tried, true, and daggummit territorial!"

http://www.southernangel.com/ggertie/lavatory.html

Dear Gertie, Why is it that a man doesn't use T.P. when he tinkles but needs a whole roll when he dumps? Edierose in New York

Dear Edierose, that's a good question. It could be any number of things. Wet underwear doesn't bother men, but skid marks do. Or … the smell of poops isn't as welcome as the earthy scent of urine. Or … since they don't know how to change the roll of toilet paper, they save up their waste for one big poopy party when there's a fresh roll.

Dear Gertie, I always keep cookbooks in my bathroom, because it's the only place I have privacy to look up new recipes. My husband says it's gross to eat somethin' knowing where the recipe came from. What should I tell him? Ida in Ola, GA

Dear Ida, inspiration comes from all kinds of places. Besides, it ain't like you prepared the meal while you were percolatin' on the pot! Tell ol' Mickey that if he wants to eat creative and ingenious meals, then he should hush up and enjoy the fruits of your imagination, else he can relish the tangy mustard on his self-made bologna sammage.

Thanks Angela, glad ya liked my place too :)

If you happen to find it wo