Happy
holidays from my mouse to your house
OK,
OK ... I know ... looks more like a rat ... and you may not live in a house - let's not be
picky about my one and only rhyme of the year ('01), here's the new: http://www.therealmartha.com/Holidaze02/index.htm.
Speaking of rhymes - there's a cutie poem Rexanne did for Libby on her holiday page - http://members.aol.com/Libbyk9/LibT-Daymessage.index.html
- includes gift suggestions and why this is so NOT the right time to add a new four-legged
family member, on the other paw ... for someone living alone, could be just perfect. That
old page did set off the memories, beware below!
Hope
your holidays are swingin' right along. No matter what else happens, the best possible
spirit is already set here. In fact, good vibes - the "real" thing - took over a
few weeks ago. There's been no life-altering epiphany, just a simple snap-to, pay
attention and appreciate why any one of us is here in the first place.
Last
Christmas we thought heroes wore sports uniforms;
Now we know real heroes wear police, firefighter and military uniforms.
What a wonder that priority shift - truly a gift to be able to
recognize it as such.
We were all caught
up in our own little worlds - whining about all the "things" we didn't have,
keeping up with the neighbors, family pressure and obligations, stress at the office, too
many taxes ...
Now we know
freedom isn't free, and the picture is not about "me" - it's who else. Who needs
help? No matter what little there may be to give. Even during the worst of holiday
situations, be they financial or relationship problems, there will always be someone
carrying a bigger load. Lending a hand to a stranger can't be beat for perspective and a
lift from personal bummers.
Holiday blues and
stress'll getcha, it has me. It's been a weird coupla years recently with no family
around. Although, considering certain members of mine were setting dysfunction standards before most
people ever heard that word, missing out on that circus is not all together a bad thing.
Suffice to say ... blended yes, Brady no. I'll get to this year's cure in a sec, can't
miss the chance to rat on my sister first. She, the older, led the innocent, perfectly
angelic child, into a life a crime. One very oddly wrapped package was waiting under the
tree for one of the brothers, simply too much to resist. Big disappointment dang it all,
so ... after successfully covering our misdeed, we proceeded on to the next and so on. No
tape or ribbon will stop me to this day! There you have it, confession is good for the
soul. The razz op is a little gift for my nieces now - what else are aunties for?
Neither
Bub or I have our own kids, but just in time for Christmas, now we have eight
"adopted" soldiers. The "spirit" kicked in the night I fixed the first
batch of goodies to send overseas with a bunch of other stuff, some useful, some silly,
don't even remember what all it was now. I already knew how the killer cookie bars would
go over. "Gone like the wind," locked that deal in good and tight. Now I'm
saving the Sunday 'toons, whatever else looks interesting and I can worry about "my
boys" just like any mom.
The lagniappe* was a card signed by all, and their K9** partners. Meet them here: http://www.therealmartha.com/WARK9/index.htm.
If you
have not treated yourself to adopting your own service member, you're cheating yourself. I will share mine and there are several
links on the page for finding other snail and e-addys. You don't have to send anything but
a card or note to establish rewarding new friendships.
*Lagniappe
means a little something extra, a bonus - like tinsel or candy canes on the tree - also,
an unexpected surprise, a treat you did not anticipate. I thought the word was more a
Tex-Mex usage, found several references to other Southern regions looking it up.
**As
to why I was wanted K9 and held out since day one ... frankly, I like dogs better than
most people. And I have the greatest respect for anyone lucky enough to be tuned in to the
communication it takes to work as a team.
I had the privilege of getting to know several police dogs when I worked at newspapers in
Texas and Arizona. I've since learned more about the different types of service dogs and
am constantly amazed at their abilities. Every time I'm able to publish something
positive, it reflects well on all animals and adds well-deserved respect to the human
view. Hopefully, all of which benefits humane education in general and helps the battle
against abuse and cruelty.
Most notable,
mine-sniffing dogs are doing a job man can not do. Metal detectors miss plastic casings.
When you're counting heroes, reckon all
those with their noses to the ground. Mine detecting is only one job those magnificent
animals do. Search and rescue teams literally find the needle in the haystack - narcotics
and bomb dogs save countless other lives in ways beyond our comprehension. Canine service
to man, military, police or civilian is nothing less than awesome. Watch for more info
straight from my experts (not the third- or 10th-hand, media half-imaginary mish-mash) on
future pages.
http://www.lucianne.com/threads2.asp?artnum=160551
12/18/2001 11:14:01 AM: Marines at their base outside Kandahar on Tuesday raised a giant
U.S. flag that had flown over New York's ground zero and was scrawled with names of terror
victims and messages of vengeance and anguish. The flag, which was raised near the ruins
of the World Trade Center after the suicide attacks, was given to the Marines by the New
York Police Department with the wish that it be flown over Afghanistan.
Passing along
a message from one of my favorite editors, JW Bubba, The Flamingo Times: I hope you all
remember that not everyone has a home or a warm place to be this time of year, or any
other. So remember to give generously to charities that help and feed those less fortunate
than you are, even if it is some of your time, it all comes back to you, course ya know
that don't ya. Don't forget the milk and cookies for Santa, that's real important. He has
a lot of places to cover and not too long to do it in. Oh, almost forgot, you can track
old St Nick online now: http://www.noradsanta.org
Keep an eye out for
him!
And,
a message to our service men and women overseas: I hope you're all staying warm and safe. I know
how hard it is to be away from your family at this time of year. You see I have been
there, many years ago before most of you were born. I spent three years in the
"boonies" as we called it, bitter cold, snow and rain, many long hours with no
food or hot coffee, bitchin' and complaining like we all do. But I look back on that and
it doesn't seem so bad now, you will all get back home in time and continue on with your
life. You will bounce your children and grandchildren on your knee and tell them stories
about going off to war. You will find when you come home an America who will honor you and
your contribution to the American people and our way of life. To honor all of us who have
gone before you, stand tall, do your duty without reservation and make us all proud to
have served our country as you are doing now.
The Flamingo Times Online: http://www.topica.com/lists/flamingotimes/read
It's
God's responsibility to forgive bin Laden.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting.
United States Marines
This could
keep ya outta trouble, remember Santa is watching you too :)
Father Murphy was
playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent
heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went
straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the
third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches
from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the
ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!"
By this time, his opponent couldn't
withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover."
"It's the biggest dam I
know."
Christmas trees were first sold commercially in the US
around 1850, but the custom of a decorated tree actually dates back to ancient Rome, when
the Romans decorated their outdoor trees with bits of metal to mark the winter solstice.
Martin Luther is credited with being the first person to decorate an indoor tree (16th
century). The custom was introduced into the United States around the turn of the 19th
century, and by 1850, the idea had become very fashionable.
"Rudolph, The Red
Nosed Reindeer"
Politically correct
version
Now keep the
words with the music!
Rudolph was a four-hoofed ungulate, who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a
maroon luster. Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came
into your view, you would most undoubtedly remark at to its luminary qualities.
The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community had
previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms - the
objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable. They also excluded
him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.
However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year, a mythological,
supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and
allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the supersaturated, humid air, spoke
to Rudolph and formally invited him, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic to
stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate
through the nocturnal mist.
At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his
ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him
unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial,
amicable relationship. They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor,
"Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage, you shall most certainly
be recorded in the annals of time, and your memory will be preserved for posterity!"
How many
reindeer does Santa have?
Eleven ... Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph
(the one with the red nose), Olive (Olive the other reindeer) and Al (then Al the reindeer
loved him)
Now wait a minute ...
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both
male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their
antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer
retain their antlers 'til after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to
every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from
Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be female.
We
should've known. Who else would
be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and
not get lost. And just in case you don't believe it ... http://www.snopes.com/holidays/xmas/reindeer.htm
Hmmm
... neat little fluke happened here. The above "e-mail this page" will take you
to snopes.com referral page, but it sends this page. Ordinarily I don't
believe in using site referral pages - all that does is add your friends' names to mailing
lists. It's just as easy to send the link yourself by copy and paste/drag Aol heart into
an e-mail. However, any mail coming from snopes will serve as a reminder to check rumors
before circulating - that's a definite thumbs up.
Eddie Cantor was the first to sing "Santa Claus is
Coming to Town" on his radio show one week before Thanksgiving 1934. It was written
in 1932 by Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots.
There are currently 78 people
named S. Claus living in the U.S. and one Kriss Kringle.
America's official national Christmas tree is located in King's Canyon National Park in
California. The tree, a giant sequoia called the "General Grant Tree," is more
than 90 meters (300 feet) high. It was made the official Christmas tree in 1925.
Christmas trees are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The
needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source
of nutrition.
Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer was conceived by author Robert May in 1939. Two other
names he considered before deciding on Rudolph were Reginald and Rollo.
Bub's
clef - isn't that just too cool
After "A Christmas
Carol," Charles Dickens wrote several other Christmas stories, one each year, but
none was as successful as the original.
Electric Christmas tree lights were first
used in 1895.
According to
Gale Research, the average American household wraps 30 Christmas gifts each year.
As early as 1822, the postmaster in Washington, DC was worried by the amount of extra mail
at Christmas time. His preferred solution to the problem was to limit by law the
number of cards a person could send. Even though commercial cards were not available
at that time, people were already sending so many homemade cards that 16 extra postmen had
to be hired in the city
When visiting Finland, Santa leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named
Ukko. Finnish folklore has it that Ukko is made of straw, but is strong enough to
carry Santa Claus anyway.
In an effort to solicit cash to pay for a charity Christmas dinner in 1891, a large crab
pot was set down on a San Francisco Street, becoming the first Salvation Army collection
kettle.
For many U.S.
families, the actual act of cutting down a tree for Christmas is as much a holiday
tradition as putting one up. According to the National Christmas Tree Association, 32.4
million families bought real trees last season while some 56 million trees were planted
for future Christmases. Of those, 29 percent visited "choose and cut" farms with
saws in hand.
The NCTA found
that 61 percent of homes with a tree had an artificial one last year. For the details of
the survey, check out the results and much more: http://www.realchristmastrees.org/industry.html
In all
fairness to those who are berated for having an artificial tree, the choice may be due to
allergies. Something to keep in mind if you happen to notice unusual problems.
I
like a living tree, uncut to plant later. That's always seemed more appropriate to me than
killing one, and yes I know millions of replacements are planted each year, and it's no
worse than cut flowers - that's just me. Some have made it, some not - from Norfolk pines
to any other the usual varieties. Last year's didn't last long once moved to the patio -
didn't have any of my own ground. I did find a report that some trees do fine in a pot and
are used year after year.
One
year when I couldn't find the "perfect," by which I mean on all sides because I
had a revolving stand - no kidding, even had a music box, I used a way cool fichus ... twin trunks
had been formed into an open knot with a brass bell hanging in the middle. Definitely a
conversation piece and it did very well on the patio in Florida for several years. Missed
all the fun driving tree people crazy though.
This
year it was a real trick finding room for any tree at all after Bub indulged himself in an
early present. Everybody needs nine speakers in the living room don'tcha think. Old
rockers never die ... and they don't fade away.
I
find it extremely disconcerting (love that pun) how old all the guys I had the hots for
are getting to be - good gawd, some of 'em are in their 60s. Being down to two Beatles
really stinks too. Some of Bub's old buds are still doin' it to it in Houston: http://www.gratefulgeezers.com/ - New CD,
"Ain't No Crime to Go Back in Time." Watch a future page for the speaker nut's
new collection coming soon too. Even have a sample I can send if you want a preview, needs
MP3 to play, free download is available.
Barnum's Animal Crackers
will soon be 100 years old. Animal crackers came into being in 1902, but these cookies
have existed in similar forms for many years previous. In the late 1800s,
"Animals" (animal-shaped fancy cookies) were imported from England. Many
bakeries in America made different versions called "Animals" or "Circus
Crackers". Bakeries began to unite into larger companies with national distribution
at the end of the 19th century, and one of these companies was the National Biscuit
Company. Their animal biscuits were officially renamed "Barnum's Animals" in
1902.
During the Christmas season, the package was redesigned as a circus wagon with a string
attached, to be hung on a Christmas tree as an ornament. They sold for five cents, and
were an immediate hit.
The Christmas tree, used as a
symbol of life, is a tradition older than Christianity and not exclusive to any one
religion. It's a part of our holiday customs that engages not only our senses of sight,
touch, and smell, but also our sense of tradition, hope and good will. It especially gives
those with a cold winter hope as it stays green all winter, thus the evergreen is the
"symbol of life."
Long before there was a Christmas, Egyptians brought green palm branches into their homes
on the shortest day of the year in December as a symbol of "life triumphant over
death."
Romans adorned their homes with evergreens during Saturnalia, a winter festival in honor
of Saturnus, their god of agriculture. Druid priests decorated oak trees with golden
apples for their winter solstice festivities. To the Druids, sprigs of evergreen holly in
the house meant eternal life; while to the Norsemen, they symbolized the revival of the
sun god Balder. To those inclined toward superstition, branches of evergreens placed over
the door kept out witches, ghosts, evil spirits and the like.
In the middle ages, the Paradise tree, an evergreen hung with red apples, was the symbol
of the feast of Adam and Eve held on December 24th. The first recorded reference to the
Christmas tree dates back to the 16th century.
In Strasbourg, Germany (now part of France), families both rich and poor decorated fir
trees with colored paper, fruits and sweets. Late in the Middle Ages, Germans and
Scandinavians placed evergreen trees inside their homes or just outside their doors to
show their hope in the forthcoming spring. The retail Christmas tree lot also dates
back that far - in those times, older women would sell trees harvested from nearby
forests.
In 1834, Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert brought the first Christmas tree to
Windsor Castle. This tradition then spread through to popular culture in Britain and the
rest of the English speaking world.
Until about 1700, the use of
Christmas trees appears to have been confined to the Rhine River District. From 1700 on,
when lights were accepted as part of the decorations, the Christmas tree was well on its
way to becoming a tradition in Germany.
The tradition spread through
Europe and was brought to the United States by German settlers and by Hessian mercenaries
paid to fight in the Revolutionary War. In 1804 U.S. soldiers stationed at Fort Dearborn
(now Chicago) hauled trees from surrounding woods to their barracks at Christmas.
It is said that a celebration around a Christmas tree on a bitter cold Christmas Eve at
Trenton, New Jersey, turned the tide for Colonial forces in 1776. According to legend,
Hessian mercenaries were so reminded of home by a candlelit evergreen tree that they
abandoned their guard posts to eat, drink and be merry. Washington attached that night and
defeated them.
The popularity of the Christmas tree then proliferated. Charles Minnegrode introduced the
custom of decorating trees in Williamsburg, Virginia in 1842. In 1851, Mark Carr hauled
two ox sleds loaded with trees from the Catskills to the streets of New York and opened
the first retail lot in the United States and sold them all. By 1900, one in five American
families had a Christmas tree, and 20 years later, the custom was nearly universal.
Franklin Pierce, America's 14th president, brought the Christmas tree tradition to the
White House. In 1923, President Calvin Coolidge started the National Christmas Tree
Lighting Ceremony now held every year on the White House lawn. Since 1966, members of the
National Christmas Tree Association have presented a beautiful, fresh Christmas tree to
the President and first family. This tree is displayed each year in the Blue Room of the
White House.
Home
for the Holidays 360 Degree Tour http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/ -
Presidential home replicas and cards, past and present trees, decking the White House
halls and more, a little history with each pic
Christmas tree
lit at World Trade Center http://www.unitedstates.com/news/farticle/682409?20011207232722
NEW
YORK, Dec. 7 (UPI) - A 30-foot Christmas tree with special ornaments that commemorated the
more than 3,000 victims of the terrorist attacks in New York was lit Friday at the 16-acre
site where the World Trade Center once stood.
"The
terrorists attacked us because they thought we were weak," New York City Mayor
Rudolph Giuliani. "During this beautiful and wonderful holiday season, let's be sure
to celebrate it with even more enthusiasm this year."
12 Days of
Christmas
What in the world do
leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially that partridge who won't
come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?
From l558 until l829, Roman
Catholics in England were not allowed to practice their faith openly. Someone during
that era wrote the carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels
of meaning; the surface meaning, plus a hidden meaning known only to members
of their church.
The partridge in a
pear tree was Jesus Christ.
Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
Four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew,Mark, Luke, and John.
Five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
Six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit Prophesy,
Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
Eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit Love, Joy, Peace, Patience,
Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness,
Gentleness, Self-control.
Ten lords a-leaping were the 10 Commandments.
Eleven pipers piping stood for the 11 faithful disciples.
Twelve drummers drumming symbolized the 12 points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.
Hanukkah
Jews all over
the world celebrate Hanukkah for several reasons, the most important of which is the
dedication of the Temple, the cornerstone of Jewish life. The other important events
commemorated with this holiday are the victory of the Maccabees against the Syrian army,
the triumph of saving the Jewish religion from sure destruction at the hands of King
Antiochus, and the miracle of the oil.
Hanukkah means
‘dedication’ in Hebrew.
During the days of the
empire of Alexander the Great, the religion of the Greeks was imposed upon all of the
conquered lands and provinces. The extent of the religious repression depended not so much
on Alexander as on the particular ruler of a province. King Antiochus of Syria, the ruler
of Judea, the remaining part of the kingdom of Israel, was adamant not just in instituting
Greek religion but in wiping out Jewish traditions altogether, making the practice of
Judaism punishable by death.
A
Jew by the name of Mattathias came upon another Jew making a sacrifice at the altar of
Zeus and was so enraged that he killed him and the Syrian soldiers who stood guard at the
temple. Aware of the persecution he would face as a result of his actions, Mattathias and
his five sons escaped the city calling all Jews willing to resist the oppression of the
Syrian king to join them. This collective called themselves the Maccabees and spent three
long years hiding in the mountains of Judea fighting, and against all odds, beating the
Syrian army.
The culmination of the
struggle came as the Maccabees attacked Jerusalem, chased off the left over Syrian
soldiers and reclaimed the city. They converged at the Temple, discarded the symbols of
Greek occupation, reinstated Jewish holy objects, and went about cleansing and dedicating
the Temple. The last step in this process was to light the great lamp, the menorah,
whose flame had to be kept burning, but only enough oil to last one day was found in the
Temple. According to legend, the lamp was lit and that little bit of oil burned for a full
eight days and nights, by which time more oil had arrived to replenish the fire. This was
the first celebration of Hanukkah.
Hanukkah is also called
the Festival of Lights, celebrated with the lighting of the menorah for eight days, eating
foods fried in oil such as potato pancakes known as latkes and
jelly donuts called sufganiyot to symbolize the miracles
surrounding the story of Hanukkah’s first celebration. Children play with a top (dreidel)
which has one of the first letters of the Hebrew phrase signifying “A great miracle
happened there” on each of its four sides for a pot of candy, coins, or pieces of
chocolate wrapped to look like money (gelt). It is a time of
togetherness, reflection on the long history of the Jewish people, and sharing the
Hanukkah story with the younger generation and people unfamiliar with this aspect of
Jewish history and folklore.
In Israel
the letters mean "A Miracle Happened Here." Each player receives a
given number of coins or candy pieces. Before spinning the dreidel, each player puts a
fixed proportion of the amount received into the "kupah" or kitty. Each player
in turn spins the dreidel. When the dreidel falls, it will fall on one of the four
letters. According to the letter, the following will happen:
Nun -
no win / no lose
Gimmel
- take all (from the kitty)
Heh -
take half (from the kitty)
Peh or
Shin - lose (what you deposited)
The game continues until players
have run out of 'funds' or it is agreed to stop (anyone losing all funds is out of the
game). In Israel the dreidel is called a sivivon.
The Yiddish word "dreidel" is derived from the
German word "drehen" or "turn."
The dreidel game was popular during
the rule of Antiochus before the Maccabees' revolt, a time when soldiers executed any Jews
who were caught practicing their religion. When pious Jews gathered to study the Torah,
they had the top ready in case they heard soldiers approaching. If the soldiers appeared,
they would hide the holy scriptures and pretend to play with the dreidl. Thanks go to Beth for the above info.
http://www.hanukkah-traditions.com/
http://www.gidge27.com/happyhanukkah.html
Chanukah
Journal - Yeshivat Har Etzion
http://www.vbm-torah.org/chanuka.htm
In sharp contrast to HanuKat:
Celebrate Hanukkah with the kids (http://www.hanukat.com/)
(SdJotD 011209), Chanukah Journal - Yeshivat Har Etzion provides a detailed analysis at
various levels. The historical and religious significance of the festival is explained and
explored at this, a section of Torah on the Web Virtual Beit Midrash. Torah on the Web
Virtual Beit Midrash (http://www.vbm-torah.org/)
offers courses on Torah and Judaism through this site and through e-mail messages
available by subscription. The material here is of a very serious nature and may not be
for everyone.
Kwanzaa
The Kwanzaa holiday begins December 26 and
continues through January 1. The name comes from the Swahili words matunda ya
kwanza, which mean "first fruits." The holiday's roots are in
harvest celebrations that are recorded from the earliest periods of African history. These
celebrations bear various names that reflect the languages of the societies that have
celebrated them as well as those that still celebrate them, including Pert-en-Min
in ancient Egypt, Umkhosi in Zululand, Incwala
in Swaziland, Odwira in Ashantiland, and Odu Ijesu
in Yorubaland. Kwanzaa was created in 1966 in the United States by Maulana Karenga, an
activist scholar who is currently professor and chair of the Department of Black Studies
at California State University, Long Beach.
Rooted in
ancient African history and culture, Kwanzaa was developed in the modern context of
African American life and struggle as a reconstructed and expanded African tradition. It
emerged during the Black Freedom Movement of the 1960s and thus reflects the movement's
concern for self-determination, a "return to the source," and the reaffirmation
of African identity and culture. Moreover, Kwanzaa is founded and framed in Kawaida
philosophy, which stresses cultural grounding, value orientation, and an ongoing dialogue
with African culture - both continental and diasporan - in pursuit of paradigms of human
excellence and human possibility.
Click here: CNN - Kwanzaa Page
http://www.cnn.com/EVENTS/1996/kwanzaa/
http://www.afroam.org/children/fun/kwanzaa/what.html
http://www.holidays.net/kwanzaa/
Click here: Kwanzaa Recipes
http://members.tripod.com/~Nancy_J/kwanzaa.htm
Request Kwanzaa issue
from: DragonsKitchen@aol.com
OK, the above all
sounds good right? Shortly after I had that piece all set to go, no reason to question
source, the following arrived. I tried the usual rumor sources - no luck on Kwanzaa, but I
did stumble across info on the letter from recon Marine
"Saucy Jack" - http://www.snopes.com/rumors/freezing.htm.
One more time, this is what makes conscientious editors crazy. I can pat myself on the
back for suspecting it in the first place and lo and behold ... one part I specifically
questioned: "Snuffle will be up soon" is there as snuffle, not sun'll
be up. In any case, this is irrefutable: "Please tell my fellow Americans to turn off
their TV sets and move on with their lives. The story line you are getting from CNN is
utter bullsh*t and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the
screen through the commercials."
When I was
working at the paper in Houston, we ran numerous press
releases for/about community Kwanzaa celebrations, certainly none were militant as this
suggests. Note Karenga name used as alias too.
"People think it's African, but it's not. I put it around Christmas because I
knew that's when a lot of 'bloods' [Blacks] would be partying."- Ron Karenga, convicted felon and
"inventor" of Kwanzaa
http://www.thenewamerican.com/tna/1999/12-20-99/vo15no26_kwanzaa.htm
The True Spirit of Kwanzaa
Among Bill
Clinton’s numerous despicable distinctions is the fact that he is the first occupant
of the Oval Office to extend official recognition to the ersatz holiday called
"Kwanzaa," a seven-day annual "African" festival that runs from
December 26th to New Year’s Day. Mr. Clinton has described Kwanzaa as "a vibrant
celebration of African culture" that "transcends international boundaries …
link[ing] diverse individuals in a unique celebration of a dynamic heritage." In
fact, Kwanzaa is a product of violent black separatism, and it was designed to foment
insularity and a sense of racial grievance.
The founder of Kwanzaa is a petty criminal named Ronald Everett, alias Ron Karenga. In the
mid-1960s, Everett created a Los Angeles-based black militant group called United Slaves
(US) for the purpose of igniting a "cultural revolution" among American blacks.
Toward that end he created Kwanzaa (named after a Swahili term for "first
fruits") as a way of evangelizing on behalf of his revolution. In his book Kwanzaa:
Origins, Concepts, Practice, "Karenga" claims that the spurious holiday
offers blacks "an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history rather than simply
imitate the practice of the dominant society.
From the librarians at the Chicago Public Library's Information Center, here are some
timely questions and answers.
WHO
CREATED KWANZAA?
- Kwanzaa, or Kwanza, is an African American holiday started by
Maulana Ron Karenga during the 1960s. He is a black nationalist and the founder of the
Kawaida movement, which stressed seven "principles of blackness." He is known by
the Swahili title of "Maulana," or master-teacher. Kwanzaa is an East African
word which means "first fruits." The name refers to the celebration of the
harvest of the first crops in traditional African society. The nonreligious holiday is
meant to be an opportunity for African American families and communities to join together
to reaffirm the values expressed by the seven principles.
SOURCE: Williams, Michael W., ed. The African American Encyclopedia. New York: Marshall Cavendish Corp., 1993.
- One more time, and it can never
be said enough: Do NOT believe everything you hear or see - trust no one else's judgment, ever, including
mine. All I can do is suggest you
weigh "facts" for balance. The following came from friends after I asked for
real people input.
"No it's not militant, and it
doesn't have anything to do with religion. Each day focuses on one of seven principles:
unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics,
purpose, creativity and faith."
- "I would not be surprised if the motivation for
celebrating or 'creating' Kwanzaa in America was less than noble. Back in the 1960s there
were so many 'anti' groups ... and certainly many of the black organizations were not
viewed as friends of the government - to say the least. It was such an angry time and
there were good people on both sides of the issue. I've never heard of United
Slaves - but then I am not much of an expert on counter culture. Over time, I think
Kwanzaa has gained some acceptance in the black community. Here in Washington it
seems to be celebrated mainly through churches and is billed as a festival to make the
children aware of their roots. AFAIK there is no negative connotation to the
celebration, but then again to some, almost any black organization is seen as
'subversive.'"
Onward to a bit of personal cultural diversity ... the first year
Christmas dinner duty fell into my lap, all I knew I could handle for a crowd was tacos. A
bit of a stretch almost 30 years ago in Kansas City, but hey - the color scheme fit. For
something else hue-appropriate and different if you're bored with the ol' green bean
casserole, try sprinkling Parmesan on French style beanies heated in any red salad
dressing - even better if it's a version with bacon added. Not a bad idea to go salsa or
barbecue sauce and Cheddar either.
Whatever
you do, however you celebrate, have a wonderful time. There are a few traditional (and not
so) recipes and links for more below as well - and everything else I've found amusing,
useful, timely and thought provoking in the past few weeks. Bookmark page now, it's a big
'un. My card to you, with wishes to send it along to your friends.
Jingle Bells and Jingo Elves rock on. None of my pages would be possible
without the material I find in all the great newsletters that find their way to my
mailbox; and from friends who know what I like. I wish I could credit and thank each
individually, however, that's not quite practical. Also, thanks to another charming Aol
freeze-up, I lost a lot of files in a reload. Please see the end of the page for
contribution details, specifically why I can't use or even open some submissions. Find
subscribe links to newsletters here: http://www.therealmartha.com/WARAwards/index.htm
The word "Yuletide"
originated from the word "Yule," which was recorded In Latin writings as early
as A.D. 726. At that time, the form of the word was "guili." Both terms refer to
a 12-day pagan feast celebrated around the time of year that has come to be known as the
Christmas season.
This abbreviation X-mas for Christmas is of Greek
origin. The word for Christ in Greek is "Xristos." During the 16th century,
Europeans began using the first initial "X" in place of the word
"Christ" as a shorthand form of the word. Although the early Christians
understood that "X" stood for Christ's name, later Christians who did not
understand the Greek language mistook "X-mas" as a sign of disrespect.
Poinsettias, native to Mexico, were named after
America's first ambassador to Mexico, Joel Poinsett. He brought the plants to America in
1828. The Mexicans in the 18th century thought the plants were symbolic of the Star of
Bethlehem. Thus the Poinsettia became associated with the Christmas season. The actual
flower of the poinsettia is small and yellow. The large, bright red leaves are often
mistaken for petals.
Cats and dogs feel stress just like humans do. They are sensitive to things going
on around them including your tone of voice, your emotions, and your tension level. They
may do things out of the ordinarily things such as vomit, act wild, hide, bark, whine, not
eat, or shed more hair. Pay attention - if behavior seems different than usual, watch them
closely to determine the cause. If you think it's stress-related, try to find some quiet
time to spend with them. Also, try to be more patient and forgiving during the holidays.
Being angry with them will only make the situation worse.
Guests can be a problem for animals unaccustomed to a house full of people. Time alone
with familiar toys and blankets can prevent your pet from getting nervous around visitors.
Unfamiliar faces can turn normally docile animals into aggressive ones. More critter holiday info below.
Help
yourself to this guy, scanned him out of a newspaper ad. Help yourself to anything you
like - as far as I know, all public domain. If I'm mistaken, will be happy to correct.
The Night Before Christmas ... for moms
'Twas the night before
Christmas, when all through the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping all snug in their beds, while
Visions of Nintendo and Barbie flipped through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle propped on his knee.
So only Mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what is the matter?"
With the toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug,
"Oh, great," muttered Mom, "now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho Ho Ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake,
your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "So, I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she muttered, "What good is that?"
"Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit chat."
Then out walked the clone - the mother's twin;
Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.
"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, watch The Young and The Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream has come true!"
"I'll shop, I'll read, I'll sleep a night through!"
From the room above, the youngest did fret.
"Mommy? Come quickly, I'm scared and I'm wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the Mom smiled, "she sure knows her part."
The clone changed the small one and hummed her a tune,
as she bundled the child in a blanket cocoon.
"You're the best mommy ever. I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "And I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.
That's my child's love she is trying to steal."
Smiling wisely, Santa said, "To me it is clear,
Only one loving mother is needed here."
The Mom kissed her child and tucked her in bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
when they'll be too old for my cradle and song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side, Santa said, "Good night.
Merry Christmas, dear Mom, you will be all right."
Author Unknown
Christmas
at the Rainbow Bridge
As
the midnight hour approaches on Christmas Eve, a tremendous celebration begins. If
you listen closely you will hear the exuberant sound of Bridge kids preparing for the
remarkable moment that comes but once a year. Puppies romp through the tall green
grass, chasing butterflies and rolling over and over until fits of giggles bring them
to a tumbling stop. Kittens, cats, tigers and lions purr in pure delight while the wings
of snow white doves gently caress the air.
The
babbling brook overflows onto the edge of mossy banks and fins of treasured aquatic
life quiver in anticipation of this most joyous event. Nestled in the midst of this
happy choir of Bridge kids are the littlest angel tots staring in awe at the majestic
Christmas tree adorned with flowing strands of angel hair. Effervescent, twinkling
stars seesaw elegantly from the sky and land in glorious harmony upon the stoic limbs
of Heaven's most perfect Christmas tree. Swaying to and fro in nearby rocking chairs
are grandmothers, grandfathers, parents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. The
sound of their whispered lullabies permeate the air as they sing to tiny angel
babies resting quietly in their arms.
Like
magic, a great stirring is heard. Each Bridge kid stops and listens, knowing the
time is near. The roar of purrs drops to barely an audible hum, the brook
ripples hypnotically and the flutter of downy feathered wings fall silent.
Heaven's spirited toddlers climb expectantly upon the laps of angels while babies
coo in tranquil unison. Amidst the warm glow of candle light rising from
the earth below, the arms of the Bridge Keeper envelop the heavens. Into
the precious hands of each child and in front of each animal a holy gift
is placed. With grand exuberance the ribbons are removed and left to fly on
a tender breeze.
As
the golden lids of these heavenly gifts are raised, an amazing aura fills the
sky, reaching down to the very core of the earth. Ascending from each and
every box is the greatest gift of all ... unending, unconditional,
all-encompassing love. This blessed love gently wraps itself around the cherished
souls of heaven, warming their hearts with beacons of radiant light and bringing
forth from angels an exquisite chorus. The distance between heaven and earth has
vanished. At the moment of midnight, the Bridge Keeper, His children, angels and Bridge
kids send a message to their earthly loved ones on the wings of this unbridled
love. Listening carefully with an open heart we will hear the familiar voice of
our own angel whisper softly into our ear their Christmas message, "Let me
share with you this love of mine, always and forever. When you need me, know that
I am here. I have not left you for I am in your heart where I belong. Our
love is eternal as is the brilliant glow of candlelight that illuminates
the path to the heavens and Rainbow Bridge. I wait patiently as do you for
our inevitable and glorious reunion. I love you, I love you, I love you." Author unknown
"Sometimes,
someone says something so small, but it just fits the empty space in your heart." -
unknown
Cats' Top Ten Favorite
X-mas Songs
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little X-mas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
From http://wildlife-help.org/tidbits49.htm -
Christmas issue - cuties like the above, and a few tear-jerkers
Dear family
and friends in the Southern United States,
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able to
serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming population of
the earth, my contract was renegotiated by the North American Fairies and Elves Local
#209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.
As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so
keep that in mind.
I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who
happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. However, there will
be a few differences between us, such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a
gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: These toys insured by Smith &
Wesson.
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and
Pork Rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe; he dips a little
though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I
made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time ... Blitzen's head now
overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ... " When Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and LaBonte.
On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
5. Ho, Ho, Ho! has been replaced by Yee Haw! and you are also likely to hear Bubba's elves
respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam
safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off." The last I heard it also
had other decorations on the sleigh as well. One is a Ford logo with lights that race
through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus)
"gesturing" on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas and Smokey and the Bandit IV"
featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state police cars crashing into each
other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure the wife and kids turn
the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all AM radio stations in the
South. Those titles will be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Clause Shot the
Jukebox," Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas is My Woman and a Six
Pack" and Johnny Paycheck's "If you Don't Like Bubba Claus, Shove it."
Sincerely Yours,
Santa
Claus
(Member) North American Fairies and Elves Local #209
On the 12th day of the
Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my significant other in a consenting adult,
monogamous relationship gave to me ...
Twelve males reclaiming their
inner warrior through ritual drumming,
Eleven pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing
of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will
not be asked to play a note),
Ten melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system
leaping,
Nine persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
Eight economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved
Bovine-Americans,
Seven endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
Six enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
Five
golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
After
members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the
calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat.
To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.
Four hours of recorded whale songs,
Three deconstructionist poets,
Two Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses,
And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Author unknown
Merry Christmas ~ Happy
Chanukah ~ Good Kwanzaa!
Oh, hell~! Happy Holidays!!!!
(unless otherwise
prohibited by law)
Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). In that case,
please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a
thoroughly adequate day. Thanks
Rosey (~.*)
Or
to put it another way ... Here's wishing you
an environmentally
conscious,
socially responsible,
low-stress,
non-addictive,
gender-neutral
winter solstice holiday,
practiced within the most joyous traditions
of the religious persuasion of your choice,
but with respect for the religious persuasion of others
who choose to practice their own religion
as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all.
Plus
...
A
fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling,
and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2002,
but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose
contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed,
color, age, physical ability,
religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishees.
Disclaimer:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the
wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no
responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not
caught up in holiday spirit.
OR ...
gawd forbid there be no lack of choice ...
By
accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to
clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original
greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes
for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the
sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the
usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a
subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Little Erin was
anxious with anticipation. Finally, it was her turn to see Santa. As Erin climbed onto
Santa's lap, he asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
Open-mouthed
and horrified for a moment, she gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?!"
Dad was a
flight instructor at a Naval Air Station. Right before Christmas, Santa Claus came to the
door seeming very pleased to
do so. But he forgot one very important thing. The 8-year-old looked him up and
down, and said, "You're not Santa Claus! You got shoes on just like my Daddy's!"
I think Santa Clause is a woman!
I
hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big,
organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal. I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until
Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until
3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a
last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench
sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. You might think this would send them into a fit
of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the
11th hour decision-making burden. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the
universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the
tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no
reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the
sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack
would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer,
he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in
the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney,
where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for
carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is
crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons Santa can't possibly be a man:
* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened ... being seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would never allow their physique to be described as anything remotely resembling a
"bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless a woman is wearing them.
* Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to attract women.
* Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year
unshaven and looking ominous - definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle
Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass
the testosterone screening test - but not St. Nick - not a chance.
As
long as we have each other, good will, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The
Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit wearing a beard!
author unknown
"Thou
Shalt not Skim Flavor from the Holidays"
by Craig Wilson, USA TODAY
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass
commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come
out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without
gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating
do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with
butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite
childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A
carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating.
I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to
New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.
In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year
but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if
you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not
stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.
Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If
it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The
whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of
it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that
in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll
need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat
of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas
cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have
as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. Don't leave them behind.
You're not going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to
have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from
the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry!
Cookie-less January is just around the corner.
www.messagefromamerica.com - Go to any
Circuit City store until December 31st and videotape your holiday wishes and messages of
support for the extraordinary men and women serving overseas in the United States
military. Some of these messages will be broadcast on CBS prime time television and copies
will be provided to the U.S.O. and Armed Forces Network so that they may be shown to our
military personnel abroad.
For family members
with a valid military ID, your personal message will be recorded onto a DVD, for you to
send to your loved ones serving our country. Services are free.
If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do,
I'd dump silly gifts that are
given to you.
And deliver some things just inside your front door,
things you have lost, but treasured before.
I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
before rinses and bleaches took residence there.
I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted,
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.
I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin,
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.
No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes.
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
from a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.
You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take,
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.
I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa, I'm simply just me,
The matronliest of matrons you ever did see.
I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas
to you all and a Happy New Year!
A Doggie Christmas
To dogs, the holidays are one
long confusion extravaganza. The earth spins faster. Chaos reigns. Actually, it’s
pretty much like that for their people too … but dogs don’t know that.
It begins...
A dead tree, normally fair game for marking, is dragged into the living room. Ornaments
resembling dainty dog toys are sprinkled over the branches but you can’t mark or
mouth anything! The people are fiercely protective of this oddity. It is even strung with
warning lights. The doggies huddle and discuss the matter. The oldest explains this
seasonal madness to the youngster. "The people have gone mad - it will pass. Give it
three weeks."
Soon, tons of food begin to fill the house - none of it for dogs! Next, huge overstuffed
bags and boxes appear and are crammed into closets with no ceremony at all. The dogs have
seen squirrels hoard in this way, but they are worried. When your people begin to act like
squirrels no good can come of it.
Then strange objects appear - candles, odd dolls with pointed hats and beards. Worst of
all, everything sports a ribbon around its neck. The dogs suspect that doggies will be the
next thing festooned. The bags are hauled from the closets and everything is covered with
inedible paper and, yes, more ribbon. Then the whole mess is arranged under the tree
corpse and the dogs are warned that any urine will be sternly dealt with. One of the socks
hung on the wall begins to smell like dog toys and pricey dog treats.
Trussed up in nasty holiday sweaters with bows chafing at their necks and pride, the dogs
huddle once again. "There is more," the elder says. "Children come."
(Our home is normally a "child-free" zone - safe for other living things.) Sure
enough, human puppies spill out of cars to tear open all the packages the dogs were
forbidden to touch. Then they turn their attention toward the dogs. The old dog braces for
the assault. The pup tries to make a break and finds that children, puppies that they are,
love a moving target. Finally everyone eats and the pup discovers what the elder dog has
known for over a decade. Sit by the kids, they drop food. Plus, in a pinch, you can take
food from them quite easily. They’re always running around with something they
don’t really need clutched in their tiny, dog level, hands. A sip of punch, a cookie,
a cracker, some cheese, teething biscuits, milk from a baby bottle, a candy cane -
it’s a doggie bonanza for a clever thief. Sometimes they’ll even give you stuff.
All in all, it’s worth the overzealous hugs and minor atrocities.
Eventually, the children, the presents, and (alas) the food, have all gone away. The dogs
eye that fat sock on the wall - the one with all the tantalizing smells. Sure enough,
their people begin dividing up the treats: a bone, a ball, peanut butter dog biscuits,
toys with the squeakers intact, stuffed animals not yet disemboweled. The madness has
brought some joy after all! In an hour exhausted dogs will settle on the couch to watch
movies even they have seen before. As the dogs finally pass out, their people begin gently
picking bits of candy cane from their fur. The earth is spinning slowly again.
This guy looks
almost like Buster - couldn't get him to buy the funny hat photo shoot. Other cuties here:
http://www.therealmartha.com/toottoot/index.htm
Don't miss the Boston Terrier Symphony's greeting: http://www.wagtime.net/ANfyChristmas.html
Main page: http://www.wagtime.net/
- a tootin' hoot for all critter people
Merry
Christmas from Ye Olde Puppy Shoppe !!!
We love our puppy customers -
They're our #1 bread and butter,
Especially right now at Christmas time
With their MasterCards all a-flutter.
Oh sure, they've heard about puppy mills -
They don't live in a cave.
The tree-huggers dreamed THAT whole thing up.
They're really quite depraved!
All OUR pups came from "Local Breeders."
These signs around TELL you so;
We paint 'em up and hang 'em high
Cause we want you to know!
We don't put a price on honesty,
But this pup will cost eight hundred dollars.
You don't think that we make the big bucks
Selling fish food and martingale collars!
But back to our Christmas Greeting
And why we wish you all Good Cheer;
You see, you are $pecial folks to us
At this festive time of year.
We love you because you're lazy,
Though very well-connected.
You just won't take the time to find
A breeder who's respected.
You so rarely do your homework.
(Santa, send us MORE trusting fellas
With no time to learn about Legg Perthes
Or Luxating Patellas!)
Zoonotic's not a word you learned
Playing Scrabble or at school?
Color Mutant Alopecia? Duh!
We LOVE it, man, you're COOL!!!
Cryptorchids must be flowers from Hawaii you say?
We will sure not tell you better.
And you don't need to know Brucellosis, my friend,
Unless, of course, you get 'er!!!
You think that CERF-ing's what cool dudes do
Somewhere out in California?
And OFA's just another old workplace law?
We're sure not going to warn you!
But should we stumble upon someone
Who IS savvy in any way,
We'll just start extolling the wonderful work
Of the grand ole USDA!!!
We love you cause you just don't care -
You buy it because you want it.
You can lay your cash on OUR counter, ma'am,
If you've got it, you OUGHT to flaunt it!!!
We love the things you DON'T ask!!!
It makes our job so easy.
If you saw the sights behind the scene
You'd probably get quite queasy.
You'll never see the breeding dogs
Who suffer on the wire,
Or pups die of hyper-thermia
When their truck gets a flat tire.
We'll keep you from our back room, too,
And put a padlock on the freezer.
Those tiny puppies stiff and cold
Would not be a crowd pleaser.
We hope you have a vet you like -
That pup's probably gonna need him.
Ivomec wears off in 30 days -
That's how long we've guaranteed him!!!
Who cares when you get that blue slip home
And find out that it wasn't true.
Your local breeder's way out in Kansas?
HO! HO! HO! That joke's on you!!!
So come and see us, one and all -
Join in our Christmas Cheer!
We've strung the tinsel all around.
If we could, we'd serve you beer!
We've got the carols playing
And a Santa, for good reason;
We're all scrubbed up and lookin' good
So you'll make our Christmas season.
As you walk away with your new pup
We'll shed a happy Christmas tear.
Don't change ONE THING about yourself -
Just DO come back next year!!!
(ching, ching)
Dr. Cathy Priddle
http://www.therealmartha.com/ChristmasPups/index.htm
- Christmas Puppies NOT! - includes the piece above and a new one, plus a few gift ideas
for critters
If you don't spay
or neuter ALL of your friends - their friends, Bob Barker, Doris Day and Betty White will kick
your ass. Me too ... care to be added to the list? http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NeuterNeuterLand/promote
Recently read about a
very cool use of ID chips in dogs. Some pro football player tried to
"lose" his puppy at a stadium. Busted big time (several thousand dollars), the
dog had a chip, tracked the guy in a snap. Served the SOB right. Now he needs a chip to
set off an alarm if he ever tries to buy a new dog. If only ... we can dream anyway.
Working on another
little dream that involves setting up a nationwide network to handle "special"
cases. Chickens, as in bulldog mouth/puppy dogs ass need not apply. Request info: LibbyK9@aol.com, subject line: Count me in
If you consider
that we cannot save them all,
and what difference does one make?
You ought to know the joy of the one who is saved.
Mourn those we cannot save, it is a eulogy to their being.
Do not let their loss be in vain.
Please ... rescue a shelter animal today!
Soak pine cones
in any of the following solutions. When they're thrown into a fireplace fire, they will
burn different colors. Use 1/2 pound soda, borax or salt to 1/2 gallon water. After
soaking overnight, place in mesh bags to dry thoroughly.
Entertainment with a purpose -
wrapping gifts for shelters, Toys for Tots, and such. Many groups recruit donations for
kids, but these items still have to be wrapped. While wrapping at home can often be
regarded as a chore, when you have a group it becomes fun with each person having a unique
talent.
Another fun one is assembling toys. For instance, Barbie Cars - one person can do one in
about 15 to 30 minutes (depending on model and experience ... two people will take at
least 30 minutes).
'Twas the night before
Christmas, he lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the c