Hello new readers!
...
I have no idea what I did last time to set a record for new page notification requests. If you let me know, I might be able to do it again - in any case, on with the merry mayhem and much miscellanea for now. BTW, I realize that's the wrong cover bird for the season, plenty of turkey talk coming later.
There's a little piece below that explains why I do this, sort of - most important though,
it's that or check into the home.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. OK fine, very funny, once again I have to apologize for screwy sizing, colors and phantom fonts. Every time I adjust one spot, another tweaks out. Can't see until published, this being the about the 10th attempted fix, I give.
AAAAAArgh! Now I'm told some people are having trouble reading due to page stretching over the sides. My only suggestion would be go to full screen, and/or try on Explorer. Please let me know if stretch is still a problem, and what size monitor you have. Would also be nice to know if you're not having the problem. Thanks, MarthaJones1@aol.com
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
"No ma'am, they're dead."
Lots of T-day goodies coming up, you might want to look for those first in time for shopping.
Holidays are sanctioned for enjoying proper piggin's - have the good grace to honestly be able to tell your host or hostess that you are stuffed to the max and thoroughly miserable (~.*) Music to my ears, makes all the trouble well worth it - and guarantees a return invitation.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
The difference between liberal and
conservative
Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner
and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a .357 Magnum and you
are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What
do you do?
Liberal: That's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor
or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack? Could
we run away? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand? What does the law say about this situation? Is it possible he'd be happy with
just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound
me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was
stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a
few days to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative: Shoot the son of a bitch! Then take your family to a baseball game, eat hot
dogs with apple pie, sing the national anthem, call your mother when you get home, then
thank whoever you thank for one more day of freedom.
Here's that "explanation"
Oh how I love that last line - been that (intellectual is questionable, but certainly fits as sold out for a paycheck), which is why I truly appreciate the freedom of the Web and why I will continue to have my fun without an editor or publisher to irritate me.
Actually, I started on here to sell* a million cookbooks. Was used to doing weekly columns anyway ... Diary of a Mad Politically Incorrect Cook was a natural extension: http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/diarymadpicook.index.html - and of course Miss Liberty had her Dog's Eye View to get going again: http://members.aol.com/Libbyk9/index.html. All of the rest happened for one reason or another - serious, silly or for the helluva it. There you have it, check out main index: http://www.therealmartha.com/indexgraphiccr/default.htm (most recent) or go waaaaay back to: http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/Siteindex.index.html
*If you send a check by Dec. 1st for two copies of "Holiday Lifestyles of the Culinarily Inept" I'll throw in a third. Details: http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/buythebook.index.html - print the order form now as a reminder: http://www.therealmartha.com/orderform/index.htm
Can't absolutely guarantee delivery in time for gift giving, but should be OK. I can also mail directly to save time, add $1. for each address. You absolutely must have my secret killer beans for New Year's Day and football parties (~.*)
Newest discovery: White Chili - what a concept! Bub was his usual skeptical self,
until I suggested it
would be good for his stuffy nose (it was).
Dang it was good and I'm not big on regular chili. The
original recipe called for oregano and cloves, neither of which sounded "right."
Used just a smidge of cumin, 10 oz. can chicken, 15 oz. great Northern beans and a half
can chick broth. Diced onions and garlic; green pepper for Bub and chopped celery and
canned tomatoes in mine. Shredded Cheddar on top of course, and you could add a few green
chiles. Made more than enough for us, had about a bowl leftover.
Ever try Fritos in chili? Nice change from crackers. In Texas, chili goes into the Fritos bag at fairs and other such "go" occasions.
Sue sent the following after we discussed Bub's chili and dog habit.
*Slice hot dogs lengthwise
and lay in bottom of a casserole dish.
*Spread mashed potatoes (instant OK) over the hot dogs.
*Bake until potatoes begin to brown.
*Top with cheese slices or grated cheese and bake until
melted.
Yep, that's a Bub. Smashed would be an every night except for his other faves. Loves SOS - I always tease him by telling Buster he has the glue* spoon to lick.
Sue: Have to confess that I'm a mashed (smashed, mushed) lover, myself. Must be the fact that it's, pretty much, already chewed. So much eating, so little time ... why waste it with having to masticate everything!
*Bub likes the gravy to be about like a glue consistency. And flour and water do make paste. SOS is either revered or reviled by anyone who's been in the service. Ask before you try this at home. Melt a hunk of butter, add about a half cup flour and stir until you have a butter-coated blob. Then add maybe a half cup milk and stir that around on medium low heat. Bub happens to like lumps - if you don't, do the best you can to smash them up against the side of pan. Timing is the only trick, if too thick add more milk or a little water. At some point, add chopped dried beef pieces. Any kind will work, some people swear by Buddig brand (find with sliced deli/lunchmeat packages), I use that or the Armour dried slices (small glass jar in canned meat section). I've tried it with turkey and chicken slices too, and there's always ground beef. Ask about preference, and what SOS stands for :)
Hanoi Jane is at it again (something else to ask a veteran about, not the least bit funny)
http://www.grassfire.net/26/petition.asp - I support the Commander in Chief petition against the liberal-minded message of Jane Fonda, Oliver Stone, West Wing's Martin Sheen, Gloria Steinem, Rev. Al Sharpton and others who have taken part in a national effort to "Resist the war and repression that has been loosed on the world by the Bush Administration. It is unjust, immoral and illegitimate."
If you've missed the previous uproar about Fonda: http://www.snopes.com/military/fonda.htm
Claim: During a 1972 trip to North Vietnam, Jane
Fonda propagandized on behalf of the North Vietnamese government, declared that American
POWs were being treated humanely and condemned U.S. soldiers as "war criminals"
and later denounced them as liars for claiming they had been tortured.
Status: True
Read the whole page - as usual the Snopes people present facts and debunk fiction.
When planning a holiday meal or party, choose foods that can be served safely under the conditions of your planned activity. For example, hot foods need to be kept above 140°F and cold foods need to be kept below 40°F. Temperature abuse is a common cause of foodborne illness. On the buffet table, keep hot foods hot with chafing dishes, crock pots, and warming trays. Keep foods cold by nesting dishes in bowls of ice. You can also use small serving dishes and replace them often. Never leave the food on the table for more than two hours. Don't plan to serve hot or cold foods if you can't keep them hot or cold.
Good sanitation is critical.
Because we are serving larger numbers of people and storing and preparing more food than
usual, we have an increased risk for foodborne illness. Refrigerators are often
overloaded. Therefore, poor sanitation in the kitchen can cause more problems than usual.
Cooking utensils, dishes and cutting boards exposed to raw meat and/or poultry products
should be thoroughly washed prior to use for any cooked foods to prevent
cross-contamination.
Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned - the dark meat and white,
I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
'til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
Happy eating to all, pass the cranberries, please.
May your stuffing be tasty, your turkey be plump,
Your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious, your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving
dinner stay off of your thighs!
Try dried cranberries and chopped pecans in your usual chicken (or turk) salad. The chutney below looks like it'd be tasty in there too.
Cranberry Chutney
from Canned Food Alliance http://www.mealtime.org/
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 can (16 ounces) whole berry cranberry sauce
1 can (15 ounces) sliced pears, drained and each cut in half
1/2 cup seedless raisins
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
In medium saucepan, heat oil over medium-high heat until
hot. Add onion and garlic; cook and stir 5 to 7 minutes or until onion is translucent.
Stir in remaining ingredients; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low; cook 20 to 25
minutes or until sauce is slightly thickened, stirring occasionally. Serve warm with roast
turkey, pork roast or baked ham.
Preparation Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Servings: 8 (about 1/3 cup each)
Think I might try that. True it's not a less-than-fiver (ingredients - my "thang"), but it is one of the easiest I've seen. Probably should do something myself after all. Turk's ordered, with plenty of sides - only way to go these days. I might get around to doing the whole blowout again, some day ... . There is true joy in not starting the day with bird wrestling. Never really minded though, and must admit I do kinda miss putting on the show - once I had the system going anyway (this is why you need my book).
Gawd, it was a long road starting with that first no-name monstrosity. You know, the kind the grocery store gives away with minimum purchase, or worse - the corporate foist-upon-employees mutant. I was sick of seeing the damn thing every time I went for ice. Suffice to say the outcome was decidedly less than glorious. Aside from July not being the best time to have the oven on for hours, the giblets were not where they were supposed to be (based on vague recollection of accidental sightings while cruising through various kitchens in search of olives). It was a bit embarrassing to have them, the giblets, turn up during carving. Black as briquettes too, even the dog laughed.
If I'd ever studied a good cook's technique ... oh well, no place to go but up after that episode.
Don't miss Luscious Cranberry Ice Cream Pie: http://www.mealtime.org/recipes/viewimage.asp?RecId=18
We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.
On the second day ...
We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, slushy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.
On the third day ...
We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.
On the fourth day ...
We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating
Thanksgiving until April.
On the fifth day ...
We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a naked turkey carcass.
On the sixth day ...
We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and
calls it Oriental.
On the seventh day ...
We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.
On the eighth day ...
The word ''vegetarian'' keeps popping into our heads.
On the ninth day ...
We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers.
On the tenth day ...
We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.
On the eleventh day ...
We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.
On the twelfth day ...
We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says, "Amen!"
Carving Mr. Tom
Let it Sit - Once the bird is removed
from the oven, it should stand for 20 to 35 minutes, depending on its size. This gives the
juices a chance to soak into the flesh, allowing for succulent cuts of meat.
Remove the Legs - Arrange the turkey, breast side up, on a cutting board. Steady the
turkey with a carving fork. Using a sharp knife, slice through the meat between the breast
and the leg. Next, using a large knife as an aid, press the thigh outward to find the hip
joint. Slice down through the joint and remove the leg. Cut between the thigh bone and
drumstick bone to divide the leg into one thigh piece and one drumstick. To carve the
drumstick, steady it with a carving fork and cut a thick slice of meat from one side,
along the bone. Next, turn the drumstick over so that the cut side faces down. Cut off
another thick slice of meat. Repeat, turning the drumstick onto a flat side and cutting
off meat, carving a total of four thick slices. To slice the thigh, place it flat side
down on a cutting board. Steady with a carving fork and cut parallel to the bone.
Remove the Wings - Before you carve the breast, the wings must be removed. Slice
diagonally down through the edge of the breast toward the wing. Using a knife as an aid,
press the wing out to find the shoulder joint; cut through the joint and remove the wing.
Carve the Breast - To carve the breast meat, hold the back of the carving fork against the
breastbone. Starting parallel to the breastbone, slice diagonally through the meat.
Condensed from AllRecipes.com
OMG, the experts have changed their minds again - I am shocked
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/living/DailyNews/foodpyramid_021121.html - Nov. 21 — "The food pyramid guide has long been held as a model for constructing a healthy diet. But new research suggests that a little reconstruction may be in order."
Ha! It's been ping-pong for as long as I've been paying attention, therefore, I will keep right on eating whatever I damn well feel like eating until they pry my cold dead fingers from my French fries.
Aussie's take:
Nutritionists are just like economists. They don't know. They just think they know. A trendy bunch, willing to turn the tables and totally contradict themselves without a blush. According to this news item, the nutrition pacesetters have now decreed that carbs are out and fat is back in again. All of which means not very damn much, except that school children may not have to learn that stupid food pyramid much longer.
But really, people, let's face the facts. Humans can live on just about anything. Look at our ancestors. They didn't eat as we do. One third of them had no milk at all, so how can dairy be essential to our health? If Eskimos really sustain themselves on blubber, well ... what the hell? In all those places where rice is 90 percent of what people eat, there's perfectly healthy rice-eaters. And look at Magic Johnson - at the height of his athletic career, he was said to live on Snickers bars and potato chips.
You've gotta ask yourself, do we really need nutritionists to further complicate our lives?
Find more from Aussie: www.woogly.com
Peanut Butter Jalapeno Poppers
www.recipegoldmine.com
12 fresh jalapeno peppers
won ton wrappers
peanut butter
olive oil
Fry Daddy or skillet
vegetable oil for frying
Wash peppers and slit lengthwise (not in half). Plug in "Fry Daddy" or heat up
skillet with 1 ½ inches of oil. With forefinger and thumb on ends, squeeze pepper so it
opens up and remove seeds and veins (wear rubber gloves if your skin is sensitive). Rinse
under running water. Lightly dribble olive oil inside the pepper. Fill with peanut butter.
Lightly "wet" won ton wrapper and wrap around the jalapeno. Drop in hot oil and
fry until golden brown.
Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline ...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
Is it safe to come out yet?
From Sue: If you keep collecting us slightly deranged* types, you may end up with a convention! ;O) Now, there's a frightening thought!
*
[Deranged: Those for whom 'the range' is not home. Escapees from the herd. Strays who resist attempts to be corralled and tamed. Misfits who refuse to stay within the confines of the alloted space (or range). Subsequently, outcast by other members of the swarm and accepted only by other oddballs having, also, cast themselves into the wilds.]To which I replied, oughta start a Derangers club - whaddya think?
http://www.uselessgraphics.com/messages4.htm
My family coat of arms ties at the back ... is that normal?
(Think I ran one close to this before, seems like a coupla new ones here)
Damitol - Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to eight hours.
Empty Nestrogen - Eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to
flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving
grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,
"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
JackAsspirin - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.
Sexcedrin - More effective than Excedrin in treating "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.
Ragamat - When administered to a male, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all
weekend, saving the female the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Pause for a commercial break ... Wysperings: http://www.therealmartha.com/WysperMade/index.htm
*~ Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until
you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it. ~*
Egg Pie
Similar to but not to be confused with quiche
Ain't that purty? It has become one of my better messin'-around-withs. The original was called broccoli pie, the main ingredient being a 32 oz. package of frozen chopped broccoli, thawed and spread in a 9-inch pie pan, on top of which ¼ cup finely chopped onion (cooked about three minutes in a tablespoon of butter) was to be sprinkled, followed by pouring on a mixture of three eggs slightly beaten, ½ cup milk, ¼ grated Parmesan (fresh, not powdered) and ¼ cup dry bread crumbs.
Going by those basic measurements, I've used several different cheeses and veggies, and types of cracker crumbs, and thrown in whatever sort of sliced/chopped meat happened to be around. Bake uncovered at 350° for 30 - 35 minutes, or until a knife stuck in the middle comes out clean.
I can already see certain T-day leftovers getting together for the next appearance.
Helen suggested this new adaptation of several versions on my adoption pages, start here: http://www.therealmartha.com/adopt/index.htm ~ Meet the Shelter Sweeties, then follow links.
Another not-so-unusual, one of Helen's shepherds helps mother most of the wild critter re-hab babies under Helen's care.
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." - Dennis Wholey (talk show host/producer)
Sent the above around separately, which sparked, "I tell the girls that what goes around, comes around whether it's from the person you went around for or not. It will always come back. I do believe this although sometimes it becomes a chore to believe anything let alone think clearly. An old Italian expression says it all, 'Spit in the air, it comes back in your face.'"
That's excellent. You'll like this, Harry Connick was on Letterman talking about his daughters (only 6, 5, and a 4-month-old now) - said his friend who has teens tells their dates they can do anything they want with his daughters, just know that he will do exactly whatever it is to back to them. One to remember :)
Momentum investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.
Stock analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear market - A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Whatcha gotta be careful of is avocado appliances (emissaries on procedure watch).
Can't be too careful - just to be on the safe side, named one of my hint pages in (dubious*) honor: http://www.therealmartha.com/greenfridge/index.htm (*aliens can't read between parentheses)
Some known by your grandmother, but forgotten as more specialty products develop
1) A beer rinse conditions the hair.
2) Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish.
3) Cool Whip will condition hair in 15 minutes.
4) Mayonnaise will kill lice, it will also condition your hair.
5) Spike your hair with Close-up toothpaste (it will also tint it).
6) Elmer's Glue - paint on face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads. Also works to remove splinters or cactus spines. Cellophane tape works on splinters too.
7) Shiny hair - use brewed Lipton tea.
8) Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into bath water.
9) Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
10) Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
11) Arthritis? WD-40. Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too. Also spray it on wasps nests - they'll be unable to move. Hair spray will slow down a wasp enough to swat it.
12) Bee stings - meat tenderizer
13) Chigger bite - Preparation H
14) Puffy eyes - Preparation H
15) Paper cut - Crazy Glue or Chap Stick; glue is being used instead of sutures lately. New Skin Liquid Bandage can sting like hell, but it works well.
16) Sore nipples (nursing) - Chap Stick or a wet Lipton tea bag
17) Soak stinky feet in soak Jell-O!
18) Athlete's foot - cornstarch
19) Fungus on toenails or fingernails Vapo-Rub
20) Kool-Aid cleans dishwashers - put in the detergent section and run a regular cycle; also cleans toilets.
21) Kool-Aid also can be used as a dye in paint
22) Mix Kool-Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, "Kids will love it, and it won't hurt them if they eat it!"
23) Peanut butter will get scratches out of CDs! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper. That's one I wouldn't try.
24) Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
25) Pam will remove paint and grease from hands - keep a can in the garage.
26) Peanut butter will remove ink from dolls' faces.
27) When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch.
28) Dandruff - pour on vinegar.
29) Body paint - heat Crisco in the microwave, pour into an empty film container and mix with the food color.
30) Tie dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool-Aid in a container (ice cream buckets are a handy size, for any soaking), wind rubber band(s) around section(s) of the T-shirt and soak. Can also throw in with first wash of new jeans.
31) Stress buster - preferably for a work group - take a roll of tape and a packet of straws and build a tower without talking to each other. OK, whatever floats your boat ...
32) Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and one half cup of Milk of Magnesia, soak for 20 minutes and let dry - will last for years. I would try that first on a test clipping, it's not clear which "large" size. Better, scan and publish on the Web. Ask someone to do it for you if you don't know how, most (some at least) ISPs have a certain amount of space available. Good way to save and share old photos too.
33) A Slinky will hold toast and CDs.
34) To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste.
35) Use maxi-pads to clean windows, floors - stick to the palm of your hand. Can also be used as a knee pad.
36) Remove stains from carpet with club soda and a disposable diaper to absorb. Wine stains, pour on salt and watch it
absorb. Haven't tried salt on wine but I'm told it works, I do know salt works on dog accidents.
37) To remove wax iron over it with a paper towel to absorb. I tried that on previous tenant's stain, did not work - might if was a fresh stain or hadn't been messed with using a cleaner before.
38) Remove labels off glassware, etc., rub with peanut butter. Why waste peanut butter? Soak in water.
39) Baked on food: fill container with water, add a Bounce softener sheet or two Efferdent tablets, soak overnight. I wouldn't bother or waste the money on either, plain old soap works for me. BTW, soap is soap, buy the cheapest, whatever's on sale for "regular" use. I have yet to be overly impressed by any name brand and I don't have any "miracle, super-duper" cleaners to recommend. Most of what you hear is ad hype. Get to food stains as soon as they happen, meaning, "Take the shirt off now." Pour detergent straight on, full strength. Soak in cold water. Peroxide does a good job on blood if it's fresh, sometimes gets it after it's dried. Of all things, and only because Bub used it to wipe the ink off his skin, I tried window cleaner on the spot where the pen leaked on the shirt. Worked, but I think it was washable ink anyway. However, I forgot about the undershirt which now has a stain that I doubt will come out because it went unnoticed into the dryer.
40) Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it.
41) Dirty grout - Listerine
42) Stains on clothes - Colgate toothpaste
43) Grass stains - Karo syrup
44) Grease stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from batteries. Coke is also supposed to be good on blood, didn't work for me.
45) Sweat Stains - Efferdent, or vinegar
46) Use a maxi-pad in your cap as a sweat band.
47) Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax - sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. That might work, but the only thing I believe in is catching the fleas on the critter before they have a chance to jump off. That means checking every time they come back inside, for ticks too. A real pain in the butt but preferable to chemicals in my not so humble opinion. Picking ticks is not for the squeamish but somebody's gotta do it. They're not all that gross if they haven't had a chance to fill up on blood. Use tweezers if you can't stand using your fingers, then drown 'em in alcohol. Same for fleas, drowning I mean. Slow fleas down with a little blob of hand lotion. Skin the critter down if it's long-haired. Who wants to look at a hairy beastie when it's hot enough for buggers anyway? You gotta see 'em to catch 'em. I had a Yorkie who went ballistic over even one flea. Had him clipped like a schnauzer, very stylish, although horrifying to at least one Yorkie person. Like I cared. Anyway, main thing is to get the back mowed down, fleas tend to travel up. Also need to check the pits, between the toes and into the pads. Be very careful clipping around feet - sensitive area. Ticks love those hiding places and the ear folds. I'm not a cat person so no help there, except to say cats should not live outside in the first place. Those that do have a life expectancy of only about three years. Not too hard to believe, if a larger animal (or car) doesn't kill them, fleas and ticks can suck an animal dry to death.
48) To keep flowers fresh longer add a little Clorox, or two Bayer aspirin, or use 7-Up instead of water.
Caution: If you use #46, please do not remove your hat. This makes "hat hair" a whole new concept! I can see it now:
I'm cleaning house in Arizona in the summer. I have beer in my hair (#1) and I have coated my face with Elmer's glue which is drying (#6). I have WD 40 sprayed in my joints (#11) and Preparation H under my eyes (#14). I have green Kool Aid soaking in the toilet (#20). My glasses are coated with toothpaste (#34) and I have Pampers upside-down on several places in the carpet (#36) and two pans soaking and fizzing in the kitchen sink (#39).
It is summer in Arizona, it is hot, so I have a maxi-pad for a sweat band under my hat (#46) and one on each palm (#35) as I wash the windows and floors, also using pads for knee cushions. There is a knock on the door ... it's probably Martha Stewart.
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
This one's old as the hills, still good for grins December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Apply gold leaf, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Grind lenses for new eyeglasses.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows.
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take dog apart, disinfect, reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade holiday scents in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17
Blow glass Christmas tree ornaments. Cut tree in Montana.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Be seen engaged in last-minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle, scent manger with homemade potpourri.
December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 28
Say it is good. Rest for five minutes.
December 29
Dig up sand from quarry and make new chips for my four computers.
December 30
Float wicks in 4,000 dishes of oil, place on lawn, and spell out Happy New Year as a greeting to my friends on the MIR space station.
December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call one friend in each time zone of the world as the calendar changes.
Do not open any e-mail with @aol.com after sender name if you are also on aol. If it was a legitimate send, @aol.com would not be there. This started several months ago, I'm still getting mail from myself, from all names to all names, including Mindspring/Earthlink accounts. Norton does not detect whatever it is. Have no idea where it came from, or what else to do. Would appreciate suggestions: MarthaJones1@aol.com or TheRealMartha@Mindspring.com Please use a clearly defined subject for any mail. Due to 10 tons of junk coming in every day, I delete unknowns. Also, with so many duplicates this time of year, it really saves time when I can delete going by subject line without opening. Don't let that stop you from sending though. While it seems like I get 16 copies of everything, you might have a new one. I usually answer in a day or two, please try again if I don't acknowledge. Lost mail is always a problem on aol.
The Redneck Cat Carrier
Now is when you gotta order your new cat carrier. I got a few on hand from huntin' season that are in good shape, but they're gonna sell quick.
This box fits a medium size cat, squirrel, skunk, or what have you. The top handle is reinforced with heavy duty cardboard and glue.
In fact, it's all cardboard and glue. You don't wanna get it wet!! I am askin' $10 or best offer. Will consider trades for beer, SUV or trailer.
Better act now, cuz I won't have more 'til after Thanksgivin' and then no more until Memorial Day. Place your order now on CB channel 24. Ask for Buck - that's me.
Sausage Applesauce Appetizer
www.iwon.com
2 pounds Italian sausage
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup chunky applesauce
1 onion, chopped In a large skillet, fry sausage until browned. Drain well, cut into bite-size pieces. In a small casserole dish, combine sausage, brown sugar, applesauce and onion. Bake at 325° for 45 minutes. Serve with toothpicks.
That one reminds me of my meatballs, the stove-top or oven options. Sweet and Sour Meatballs Smash, crush or otherwise pulverize half a sleeve of saltine crackers. Mix with one egg, one pound lean ground beef, a good shot of catsup and a few dried onion flakes. (Mooshing together in a plastic is the easiest, least messy way to handle any ground meat concoction.) Roll into bite-size balls. A small batch is easy enough to brown in a skillet. Once browned and drained, add more catsup and equal parts brown sugar and lemon juice, simmer for about half an hour. Exact measurements are not necessary.
For a big party, think double or triple. Bake the balls on a cookie sheet or in a baking dish at 350° for about 30 minutes. Mix the sauce in an appropriately sized pan on top of the stove. Dump in the balls after browning. Simmer for a while, they will hold on low for hours. It's a good idea to save yourself a little stash - there will be no leftovers. These are a particularly good "gotcha" - nobody believes it when they ask what's in that mahvelous sauce.
Blueberry Angel Food
1 box angel
food cake mix
1 22 oz. can blueberry pie filling
Mix both ingredients in a large bowl. Pour batter into ungreased 9 x 13 baking dish. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes. Doesn't get any easier than that - I am assuming any fruit pie filling would work, let me know.
Warm and Spicy Autumn Punch
2 oranges
8 whole cloves
6 cups apple juice
1 cinnamon stick
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 cup honey
3 tablespoons lemon juice
2 1/4 cups pineapple juice
Stud the whole oranges with cloves, bake at 350° for 30 minutes. In a large saucepan, combine the apple juice and cinnamon stick. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer 5 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in the nutmeg, honey, lemon and pineapple juice. Serve hot in a punch bowl with the clove-studded baked oranges floating on top. Makes 16 (4 oz.) servings.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S Thompson
http://www.recipegoldmine.com/
Give yourself plenty of time to dig around Recipe Goldmine, it's an incredible collection of recipes and almost anything else having to do with hearth and home. Need a birthday cake for a horse? No problem! However, I was not thrilled with some of the dog care tips (cleaning fluid on ticks - I would be surprised to hear a vet OK that, as well as several other skin no-nos like bluing for a whiter coat and cream rinse for tangles - products for people should never be used on critters).
The kitchen chart selections offer more info than anyone could probably use in a lifetime. All categories are jam-packed from kid stuff to crafts to gardening, the list goes on.
Don't miss the Christmas Mice cuties: http://www.recipegoldmine.com/forum1.htm Another good one: http://simplemom.com - A practical guide to saving your time, money and sanity. (Almost the blurb I use sometimes - save time, money and sanity in the kitchen.)
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are sneaky and will pee on your computer.
Women and cats will do as they please, men and dogs should get used to it.
Many people think that cats are secretive, cruel and devious. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
Dogs come when called, cats take a message and get back to you when they choose.
http://home.tiscali.nl/~ac51590/graphics.htm - More cat animations
Mind Games for Dogs
After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel-dry you. Instead, run to their bed, jump up and roll around on the sheets.
When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for damage. Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. When the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans.
When you go outside, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. This teaches them patience. Act as if the spot you choose to pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
Alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide and make them think something terrible has happened to you. Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears)
Wake up 20 minutes before the alarm is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. Humans rarely fall back asleep after being outside, this will drive them nuts!
If dogs ruled the world ...
- Veterinarians would be vaccinated once a year
- Cats would put in a 40 hour work week
- Digging holes would be rewarded
Only part of the list from The WAG (World
According to Gus)
"The World's #1 Source for Pet News and Entertainment"
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/10/1001_021001_READdogs.html - Dogs help kids read, "Handlers are given instruction on how to use their canine companions as literacy mentors. For example, instead of asking a child what a word means, the handler may say: 'Rover doesn't know what that word means. Can you tell him?' Speaking on behalf of the dog takes the pressure off the child if he or she doesn't know the answer."
http://dogswithjobs.com/home.htm -
- TV series, "Up
close and personal with exciting and heartwarming stories about working dogs around the
world."
http://dogswithjobs.com/dwj_tv/dwjtv.htm
- Lists episodes and contact info (and in some cases Web sites) for featured dogs.
http://www.cnn.com/2002/EDUCATION/11/12/class.obedience.ap/index.html
- Puppies teach students obedience
http://www.thefrugallife.com/newkitten.html - Interesting tips* for new kitten care, and I was happy to see all the pro-spay/neuter comments. However, anyone with any experience will tell anyone without experience not to give vaccinations yourself. Tips were all from readers, one did make the danger points (also see links below) - unfortunately, "you can buy most meds over the internet and administer them yourself" appears first. Makes me wonder how those people would feel about giving shots to their kids. BTW, on that subject, or more specifically, questioning vax for kids: "There is a dramatic increase in many countries of childhood autism, leukemia, diabetes, lupus, multiple sclerosis and other immune deficiency and muscular diseases, as well as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It is the belief of many that some of the children and adults affected by these ravages on the body are so-attacked as a result of having been vaccinated as infants and children against a host of potential diseases, such as polio, measles, mumps, rubella, chicken pox, hepatitis B, tetanus, etc." from http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-60.html, includes info links.
*Use cedar shavings for kitty litter. One big bag approximately the size of a 33 gallon garbage bag will do a year.
http://www.api4animals.org/doc.asp?ID=858 - Animal Protection Institute, "Vaccinations Update"
http://www.thepetcenter.com/exa/vacrec.html - To Vaccinate or Not; It is Your Decision
http://www.thepetcenter.com/exa/vacown.html - If you decide to vaccinate your own, what you should know
http://cats.about.com/library/weekly/aa060200a.htm - Preparing for a kitten, all around good advice - follow links for more, on adult kitties too
www.pets911.com - Shelters and rescue groups listed by area, lost/found notices, spay/neuter info and more
http://dogs.about.com/ - Good info again - in fact, all About.com subjects are well covered and easy to search by topic. Not that I'm prejudiced or anything, at http://busycooks.about.com/, look on side bar for Five or Less - I'm on the second page http://busycooks.about.com/cs/fiveorless/index_2.htm under Less-Than-Fivers - "Never heard of Queen Can-ivore? You will! Her 'Diary* of a Mad Politically Incorrect Housewife' is worth spending some time on. This hilarious site has some really wonderful recipes, cool mail from famous people (like Cathy Guisewite), and an irreverent attitude I love."
*Correctly, that's "Diary of A Mad PI Cook" but who am I to quibble - that's what I get for playing on other people's titles. However - titles, schmitles - let it be known there is only one Queen C. a.k.a. The Real Martha (www.TheRealMartha.com), http://members.aol.com/msatte2ude/diarymadpicook.index.html
Budget cut
With the holidays coming up, don't forget to include a spay/neuter message on all your holiday cards and packages. And, of course, on all those obnoxious holiday bills! Don't miss an opportunity to educate ~ there are so many morons out there, and so little time. From a list post, my sentiments exactly.
Use the new spay/neuter stamps too.
Another post: I bought several sheets of the spay/neuter stamps and noticed a strip at the top that says "Too many animals, too few homes ... Save lives, neuter or spay ... for neuter/spay information, call 1-888-pets-911 or visit www.pets911.com"
It's black with blue lettering, rather discreet, and I thought, what a nice, miniature sticker we have here, just the right size for elevator consoles, mail boxes (probably illegal defacing, but who's gonna prosecute you), mall doors, bathroom doors ... just a thought ;)
From http://dogsparadise.50megs.com/gallery1.html - Lots more cuties and funnies, nice portraits too
From http://www.american-reporter.com/ - 11-12-02, by Joyce Marcel
Warren Zevon is dying the way he lived: without tears. Carl Hiaasen collaborated with him on "Rottweiler Blues." I don't know which one of them penned the immortal line, "Don't knock on my door if you don't know my Rottweiler's name," but it should be on a bumper sticker.
I agree - and now I know who Hiaasen refers to so often. First read about Hiaasen in an interview that included a line about idiots feeding alligators and later being so surprised when one snatches Fifi from the lawn. It does happen. Main thing is I liked his style, think I've read all his books and can highly recommend him/them. Merciless, bizarre humor that is right on, pointing the finger at those responsible for Florida's ecological damage thanks to "progress."
My
forgetter's getting better and my rememberer is broke,
To you that may seem funny but, to me, that is no joke.
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering If I really should be "there,"
And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer!
Often times I walk into a room, say "What am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain - a zero, is my score.
At times I put something away where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from, generally, is me!
When shopping I may see someone, say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "Who the heck was that?"
Yes, my forgetter's getting better and my rememberer is broke,
It's driving me plumb crazy and that isn't any joke.
Can we relate?
http://www.smile.homestead.com/intro.html - The many faces of Smiley: happy, sad, crappy, mad - all with quotes to suit your mood and more from http://www.quoteworld.org/
http://www.coolgrandma.com/ - "For people of all ages, seniors, parents, children ... anyone who is inspired by the boundless limits of the web."
The first parenting site on the 'net to get real. Come see what all the fuss is about, but leave the kids home ... this one's just for adults!
Reality Parenting
Putting the real back into parenting
http://www.realityparenting.com
The Real Martha is happy to recommend another voice of sanity. I'm not a parent but I do know BS when I see it, RP is as BS-free and non-PC as it gets. Reality Mom tells it like it is ... warts, zits and all.
http://www.therealmartha.com/PLUS%20Syndrome/index.htm - Pets Love Unconditionally
On behalf of the author, thanks for all the great notes - I had to do something with it as soon as I read. Still need to do a relate-to piece. Buster is the first one to go through the prolonged old age miseries. Others have gone relatively quickly from various illnesses. It's so hard to see him struggling with the stiffness, senility. Still eats like a champion pig though, and nothing wrong with his beggin' skills or telling time. Amazing what a spectacle of huffin', snortin' and stompin' one small dog can orchestrate if din-din is one minute late.
See the little beggar and friends in action: http://www.therealmartha.com/BegRoyale/index.htm
More new pages: http://www.therealmartha.com/rescue/index.htm - What rescue is all about
http://www.therealmartha.com/ChristmasPups/index.htm - Live animals are not good presents
http://www.therealmartha.com/I%20am%20your%20puppy/index.htm - Understanding that baby
http://beetlebailey.com/images/flag.swf - Excellent flag tribute
http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/life/ - "To celebrate the West Wing's 100th anniversary, the White House presents Life in the White House, an exclusive presentation of the rich history of the White House and West Wing."
http://www.talltexian.com/VETERANsTRIBUTE/id31.htm - Tribute to flag and veterans
http://www.geocities.com/cmos2111/marinethanks.html - Another of Sharon's neat pages dedicated to recognizing our troops, includes Thanksgiving thoughts and turkey trivia/facts ... they do what? New Christmas page: http://www.geocities.com/cmos2111/militarychristmas.html
Sharon still needs more in-service names to list: Spapkie@aol.com
http://www.vietnamdogtags.com/index.html - Dog tags recovered in Vietnam. "It is my hope to return as many tags as possible to their rightful owners - the Veterans themselves, or their families."
http://home.att.net/~caryblack/terrorist/terrorist.htm - Letter from a Navy pilot to terrorists
http://www.angelfire.com/tx3/herguy/DEARVETERANS.html - Thoughtful text and graphics, assistance links and more
http://frpat.com/veteransday.htm - Honor message from a Catholic priest
Sure, we want to go home. We want this war over with. The quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. - General George S Patton from: http://members.atlantic.net/~bdarl/terror_links.html
http://members.atlantic.net/~bdarl/index.html
What Is a Vet?
Some veterans bear visible signs of their service: a missing limb, a
jagged scar, a certain look in the eye. Others may carry the evidence inside them: a pin
holding a bone together, a piece of shrapnel in the leg--or perhaps another sort of inner
steel: the soul's ally forged in the refinery of adversity. Except in parades, however,
the men and women who have kept America safe wear no badge or emblem. You can't tell a vet
just by looking.
What is a vet?
He is the cop on the beat who spent six months in Saudi Arabia sweating two gallons a day
making sure the armored personnel carriers didn't run out of fuel.
He is the barroom loudmouth, dumber than five wooden planks, whose overgrown frat-boy
behavior is outweighed a hundred times in the cosmic scales by four hours of exquisite
bravery near the 38th parallel.
She - or he - is the nurse who fought against futility and went to sleep sobbing every
night for two solid years in Da Nang.
He is the POW who went away one person and came back another - or didn't come back at all.
He is the Quantico drill instructor that has never seen combat--but has saved countless
lives by turning slouchy, no-account rednecks and gang members into Marines, and teaching
them to watch each other's backs.
He is the parade-riding Legionnaire who pins on his ribbons and medals with a prosthetic
hand.
He is the career quartermaster who watches the ribbons and medals pass him by.
He is the three anonymous heroes in The Tomb Of The Unknowns, whose presence at the
Arlington National Cemetery must forever preserve the memory of all the anonymous heroes
whose valor dies unrecognized with them on the battlefield or in the ocean's sunless deep.
He is the old guy bagging groceries at the supermarket - palsied now and aggravatingly
slow - who helped liberate a Nazi death camp and who wishes all day long that his wife
were still alive to hold him when the nightmares come.
He is an ordinary and yet an extraordinary human being, a person who offered some of his
life's most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificed his ambitions so
others would not have to sacrifice theirs.
He is a soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness, and he is nothing more than
the finest, greatest testimony on behalf of the finest, greatest nation ever known.
So remember, each time you see someone who has served our country, just lean over and say,
"Thank you." That's all most people need, and in most cases, it will mean more
than any medals they could have been awarded or were awarded.
Two little words that mean a lot: "Thank you."
This is not mine - I regret not having the credit attached. Would appreciate the info.
Thanksgiving to-do list, print it out and check off as you go: http://foodgeeks.com/seasonal/thanksgiving2do.html
http://www.rexanne.com/tday.html - Rexanne's Thanksgiving - all the links you need and more
http://critter.homestead.com/furryhero.html - 9-11 SAR dedication/memorial page - "We've seen most of the pics but there are a few comments new to me." - Helen
http://www.wardogsmemorial.org/
- Organization dedicated to the creation a War Dog Memorial on the Mall in Washington,
D.C. Maybe you'd like to help.
http://www.clickablecalendars.com/midlife.html
- Hilarious graphics with "Midlife" essay. "Whether you are pushing
40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate."
http://www.wtv-zone.com/cuzicare/F-Keys/MEDICAL-HELP.HTML - Good info links mostly for seniors, including an article about calculating Social Security benefits; other government programs, income tax, housing, medical and more
http://www.health.gov/nhic/Pubs/tollfree.htm - Toll-free numbers for health info
http://csoakley.com/2008.html - Positive thoughts
http://www.stretcher.com/stories/02/02oct14g.cfm - Simple meals and simple shopping - good place for a beginner's start
http://www.healthyfridge.org/mainmenu.html - The Healthy Refrigerator, surprisingly unobnoxious attitude toward improving diet
http://www.1-800-save-a-pet.com/search/s_dogs/search_dogs.tcl - "Your new best friend is just a click away."
Below from: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/11/16/HO105738.DTL
Brandy J. Oliver runs a site devoted to the ins and outs of dog doors: www.doggiedoor.com. She offers detailed descriptions of door features, including the nonpermanent type installed within a sliding glass door. She also includes instructions for training your dog to use a door and links to other sites.
For those concerned about security, Oliver says, "My guess is that if the doggie door is big enough for an intruder to crawl through he'd be pretty stupid to do it, as he may end up face-to-face with a big dog."
If you're still worried about thieves, Oliver recommends a creative solution. "Place a doghouse at the side of your house right up against the doggie door. Cut an opening in the back of the doghouse to match the doggie door opening. Now, your dog will look like he's going in and out of his doghouse, instead of the real house."
http://www.doggiedoor.com/christmas.shtml - Doggie gifts that people and dogs love; and a list of "I will nots" such as peeing on the Christmas tree or drinking the tree's water which will make a dog sick
http://www.freakyanimals.com - Funny pics
Maybe this is
what I should call the next page: smorgasbord (SMOR-guhs-bord) noun
1. A buffet featuring various dishes, such as hors d'oeuvres, salads, etc.
2. A medley or miscellany.
[From Swedish, literally bread-and-butter sandwich table, from smorgas (bread and butter),
from smor (butter) + gas (lump of butter) + bord (table).]
Can you find a goose in smorgasbord? Hint: it's not cooked, but hiding. "Gas" is
the Swedish word for a goose. Someone with poor eyesight fancied that a lump of butter
looked like a goose, and that's how we got the word smorgasbord. - Anu, http://wordsmith.org/
From Helen, what a pal,
"You can find all kinds of stuff to make you feel really old."
http://www.dayofbirth.co.uk/
Pumpkin Quesadillas
16 oz. can pumpkin
1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
8 flour tortillas (6-inch)
8 oz. package light cream cheese, softened
Cool Whip
Combine pumpkin, sugar and spice. Spread cream cheese in equal amounts on each tortilla to
within a half inch of edge. Do the same with the pumpkin mixture. Heat griddle to medium
and spray with vegetable spray. Place each tortilla filling-side up onto griddle for 1 to
2 minutes, then fold in half. Cut each folded tortilla in halves or thirds. Top with
Cool Whip. From The Flamingo Times:
http://www.topica.com/lists/flamingotimes/read
The above inspired Beth to share her 15-minutes-from-scratch-Blintzes.
flour tortilla(s)
ricotta cheese
favorite preserves or pie filling (strawberry, blueberry or cherry are most popular for
blintzes)
sour cream
butter or margarine
Melt butter or margarine in
pan to coat it. On one side of tortilla put a lengthwise line of ricotta (maybe 1/2 inch
wide - adjust to size of tortilla). Alongside ricotta, put a line of preserves or pie
filling. Roll up, tuck ends in, put in frying pan, end of roll downside first (keeps roll
from opening). Sauté until brownish, turn over and sauté the other side. Serve topped
with a dollop of sour cream. Die and go to blintz heaven!
Bet he's praying for the giblets too. This is Popeye, proud parent Cindy says, "He is an angel, very spoiled, loves his toys and Mommy and Daddy - everybody else watch out. He is my first Chi, I didn't know what I was getting into - LOL."
Integrity is one of several paths. It distinguishes itself from the others because it is the right path and the only one upon which you will never get lost. - M.H. McKee, from: http://www.pathways-to-peace.com/presentation.html - Inspirational quotes, some religious, some not - click view presentation for outstanding photography; "The appeal of the Pathways to Peace Presentation is due in part to its timeliness. It is cause for reflection on today's world, and what we can each do to contribute to higher ways - the ways of peace. Our hope is that this presentation will provide you a few moments of peace, and the determination to help share that peace with others." I highlighted above to point out personal peace. Everyone's interpretation will be different, peace is a tricky word concept. Wars always have been and always will be fought for peace. http://www.LifeDesignStrategies.com/ - Design your life tools From Operation Adopt Soldier newsletter: http://members.tripod.com/adoptsoldier - According to a supervisor at Sarah's post office, the last regular parcel post mail date for the holidays is December 2. Last date for priority mail is December 11.
T
ake an extra batch of cookies to a veterans' home too. Or whatever else might come in handy, maybe toiletries, reading material, socks, handkerchiefs - the list is endless. 
http://saintsandheroes.com/proud/ - Proud American, insights from Brian Shul ... Vietnam era USAF fighter pilot, 212 combat missions, shot down near the end of the war and was so badly burned that he was given next to no chance to live. He went on to fly SR-71s and completed a 20-year career in the Air Force.
http://www.knowledgenews.net/culture/monsters.htm - No I'm not squeezing in a leftover Halloweenie, these are the monsters around us all year http://www.besthistorysites.net/ - Best of History Web Sites - created for students, history educators, and general history enthusiasts http://rinkworks.com/stupid/ - Computer stupidities - a large collection of stories and anecdotes about clueless computer users - check other sites http://rinkworks.com, wide variety of entertainment http://www.bigfatbaby.com/newfun2/flash/saddam.swf - Time to bomb - good one http://www.youheardithere.com/superstitions.htm - Superstitions, for the helluva it - then backtrack to http://www.youheardithere.com/ - "hear the latest" from oddball to useful http://www.lostliners.com/# - Created to preserve the "Golden Age of Ocean Travel" http://home.att.net/~sheryl500/D.A.R.E./card-4.html - Create a coupon for "The really positive thing I want to do for ... " - fill in the person's name, sign it, print it. http://www.radar511.com/ - Officer Friendly tips and printouts for pre-K through 4th-grade kids http://www.dare.com/ - Drug Abuse Resistance Education home page
What a hoot to find this one! One of my faves in a nursery rhyme book - my own, making it an extremely valuable antique - it's around here somewhere. Been driving me nuts trying to remember the words, need for new "Good Goop" cookbook - whenever I get back on it ... The Goops they lick their fingers,
And the Goops they lick their knives,
They spill their broth on the tablecloth -
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!
http://www.thegoops.com/; second verse: http://www.thegoops.com/manners.html
I'll be back, request new page notification here: SendNewPage@aol.com
Questions/comments/suggestions: MarthaJones1@aol.com or TheRealMartha@Mindspring.comhttp://www.therealmartha.com/Holidaze02/index.htm
Lots new here: http://www.therealmartha.com/Classyfiedlinks/ - Consumer info and otherwise useful or entertaining links, and check out classyfieds. Help me out with circulation and your ad will run free. Just let me know if you've sent any of my pages to newsletter publishers - mention there's a deal on the classys for them too.
http://www.therealmartha.com/indexgraphiccr/default.htm
- Main index, variety pages - more holiday goodies
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/Siteindex.index.html
- Waaaay back to the beginning - holidays there too
One more time ...
Help yourself to either or both. I'd be happy to add names for you as time permits (ask early please).
Scroll down for a naughty cat and dog Christmas funny. Go to end of page for a completely disgusting funny on binny-boy.
Keep going ...
Stop here if you'd rather pass on binny-boy, really is gross but hilarious.
