Soldier's Daughter

 

I am a soldier's daughter

My mother was his wife.

He went to fight for freedom

That's where he lost his life.

 

My father taught me to believe

and stand for what is right.

I miss so many things about him

 Like the way he tucked me in each night.

 

I see my mom cry sometimes

when he is on her mind.

I do my best to comfort her

With all the love that I can find.  

 

I don't really believe he's gone

I want him here with me.

But I know how much it meant to him

To be all that he could be.

 

I sit alone and cry for him. 

And sometimes feel he's near.

I don't feel I should smile or laugh

Or act like I don’t care.

 

My mom told me that he would want

Me to be good every day.

I really want to make him proud

Of me in every way.

 

I am a soldier's daughter

My mother was his wife.

He went to fight for freedom

That's where he lost his life.

 

By Michelle Lindsey, January 2008

Inspired by "Who am I?" author unknown.

 

Michelle is 9 years old. Her mother Joyce gave rise to a Freedom isn't Cheap page in February 2003 with the first of many poems: http://www.therealmartha.com/Freedom/index.htm

Info back then: Sgt. Lindsey has been deployed since February and in country since April. He is a member of the Oregon Army National Guard. Joyce's son is in the Army and will be on his way to Iraq sometime early next year.

Over the years Joyce and I communicated quite a lot. She sent updates, and more thoughts. I actually began to feel like I knew Sgt. Lindsey. Hit me pretty hard when he was killed in action, many I knew had returned unscathed. Not too long after the horrible news, I was truly shocked when Joyce told me how widows were being "taken care of."

 

http://www.therealmartha.com/SoldiersWidows/index.htm

KIA soldiers' spouses left behind without decent benefits.

Support is crucial, join their fight. We owe them big time.

 

That's the long story. This is current reality, short and straight to the point:

Statement by Senator Nelson: www.billnelson.senate.gov

Express your outrage:

Your ZIP code will take you to e-mail addresses for our President and all your reps, a choice of issues and prepared messages for each. You can also add your own words. Couldn't be easier and only takes a few minutes. If you prefer to send only your own composition go to http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/ which also offers a request for response option. Links to each rep's site are also included.
 

More military pages: http://www.therealmartha.com/WAR/index.htm

I asked Joyce what it was like explaining death to a child:

When I told Michelle I tried to soften the blow, telling her instead that her dad was hurt and not coming home. Of course she knew instantly, but at least she doesn't have the memory of her mom saying "Your dad was killed" or "Your dad is dead." I have learned from what Michelle has been through that those are words no child wants to hear and once they have lost a parent, are not words they will want to hear for some time. It is not until they have accepted the loss of their parent that those words are less painful. Michelle now openly talks about her father being killed, almost with pride that her dad is a hero. But I know there are deep feelings of pain also that come with that knowledge.

Her father being a hero is a double-edged sword. Pride because that is what is expected and also a great amount of pain for all the things she will not have with him. His being a hero also comes with a great amount of expectation. Some of my children feel they need to do, accomplish or be a certain way in memory of him or to live up to his hero status. I remind them regularly that he would and was proud of them just the way they are. My 26-year-old son said that he didn't know how to live up to his dad's legacy. I told him he wasn't required to, that all his dad ever wanted was for him to be a happy, responsible adult.

Michelle also tells me she wants to follow in her fathers footsteps, going into the Army, as an infantry soldier. I don't push it with her, she has a lot of time to deal with these feelings and doesn't need her mother trying to burst her dreams of honoring her dad. I just reassure her that her dad would be proud of whatever she decides to do with her life.

There is no easy way to tell a child their parent is gone and it is even harder watching them go through the grief. After all, if you as an adult have a difficult time dealing with their death, what do you think it is like for a child who puts so much trust in safety on their parents?

My daughter thought I was going to die too for weeks. My best advise is to be there for them and let them be there for you. Don't hide your grief from them because when they see you grieve it gives them permission to grieve too. My daughter and I now have a phrase we use when one of us is grieving. We tell each other we are "having a moment," which is usually followed by the one hugging the one grieving. My daughter has consoled me as much as I have her. We have "PJ days" which are days when both of us just want to hibernate from the world and not get dressed and just embrace our feelings. We spend them talking, remembering or just being together. What better way to heal two broken hearts?

 
There really is much more than just telling a child, it is that and all that comes after that news too.
 

I am formally thanking Joyce, here, for sharing so much. I know it wasn't easy.

Input: MarthaJones1@aol.com - subject line must be Soldier's Daughter, too risky opening unknowns. Also, I will forward e-mail to Joyce or Michelle.

Also see:

Grieving Children
By Rexanne Mancini

 http://www.rexanne.com/article-grief.html